What Is Wrong With Me

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Abstract

bout how delicious cats tastes, as she’s awaiting her period (she’s pregnant) she and many others here believe that is perfectly normal.</p><p id="b05e">The most interesting part of my day was cleaning my nails with a knife and waiting for the electric to come back on. Oh I also learned that many here don’t think that electric and electricity are the same thing. I was asked what I meant when I told a police officer who’s an associate that the electric was out much of the day. What do you mean, he asked.</p><p id="bb6e">I know I’ve tried reaching out to organizations where I can learn about the <a href="https://tbhenry.medium.com/let-me-introduce-laceys-house-6b7f7b0c235e">process of building my NGO</a>. Yet I feel like a failure though.Surely that will be something I don’t follow through on. I’ve attended 6 colleges & universities over my lifetime never graduating with a degree of any sorts.</p><p id="3c9c">When I read even just the bios of people here on Medium it makes me feel so clueless. I even experimented with editing my bio section, making me look more like a creep. What do I do? I can’t seem to complete anything or make one decent, mature decision. I have no family help, <a href="https://tbhenry.medium.com/roe-vs-wade-i-wish-my-mother-had-aborted-me-8b6a5ffbd159">my mother hates me</a> and has several times tried to kill me, even been arrested too.</p><p id="1ad4">I can hear the comments, the suggestions coming my way, everyones a self-help guru on here too. I scan over these articulate reads with bullet point suggestions and here it comes again. People seem to have their shit all together.</p><p id="3220">Here I am with one failed relationship after another, being treated like a red headed step child. Or even worse a red headed witch from the Bible being baptized under water for twenty minutes. Me plus

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cruel people seem to attract like magnets. I used to say I pick the best of friends but the worst of lovers, now I think I chose the worst of everyone.</p><p id="848c">Within a span of three days I’ve had 4 people tell me to chose better, or you just meeting the wrong people. <a href="https://tbhenry.medium.com/im-noticing-a-lot-of-evil-trolls-accounts-on-medium-c07a148c7e52">Or stop talking and giving yourself t</a>o others so much.</p><h1 id="8fb4">No shit Sherlock, ya think?</h1><p id="6399">I just came off of a 4–5 months of isolation only to find that I am still not ready to be in the world with people again. How is it that everyone I come across seems to be more centered than I am? I seem to thieve off of neglect and I hate how it feels.</p><figure id="64f4"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*fP_r-SvA29su3NYXo0-5_Q.jpeg"><figcaption><b>Authors Photo Watching Projector after Radiation Therapy from Breast Cancer</b></figcaption></figure><p id="df7e"><a href="https://ko-fi.com/laceyshouse">Please buy me a coffee it helps to hide my tears while writing in a cafe </a>🙏🏽</p><p id="a2b0"><b>©️TB Henry 2022 All Rights Reserved</b></p><div id="905b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://tbhenry.medium.com/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - TB Obwoge</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>tbhenry.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*rgSVvq5c7A2X_YBB)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I don’t know what it is but I often times look at others like they’re the ‘real’ adults and I’m just full of mistakes

I’ve read those I follow, those that follow me, or even those who have clapped at something I’ve written. I’ve tried to always be as supportive as possible. In doing so I’ve noticed most people seem so much more ‘adult like’ than I’ve managed to be in my life.

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Many people appear to have their shit together and I well, I’m living in a third-world country. With little to no money, no degree, hell my own daughter doesn’t speak to me. Friends I had for 20 plus years don’t contact me, they don’t reply when I reach out to them. Family well there are many of them but none that I have heard from in years.

I have conversations with people that say some of the weirdest things that I’ve actually cried. Honestly I just lied, dumb they say the dumbest things, I was lying to be polite. I’m starving for good conversation but I take what I can get.

I feel like I’m wasting my life here, drowning in nothingness!

Sadly there is nothing I can contribute here, I can barely understand life here after two years I’m just lost. I don’t have much money to leave either, I don’t have much money to do much of anything actually. I read about people doing things with their lives, making a difference or even living out their passions, dreams and desires.

I’m here sitting, watching paint dry. Today I listened to a woman talk about how delicious cats tastes, as she’s awaiting her period (she’s pregnant) she and many others here believe that is perfectly normal.

The most interesting part of my day was cleaning my nails with a knife and waiting for the electric to come back on. Oh I also learned that many here don’t think that electric and electricity are the same thing. I was asked what I meant when I told a police officer who’s an associate that the electric was out much of the day. What do you mean, he asked.

I know I’ve tried reaching out to organizations where I can learn about the process of building my NGO. Yet I feel like a failure though.Surely that will be something I don’t follow through on. I’ve attended 6 colleges & universities over my lifetime never graduating with a degree of any sorts.

When I read even just the bios of people here on Medium it makes me feel so clueless. I even experimented with editing my bio section, making me look more like a creep. What do I do? I can’t seem to complete anything or make one decent, mature decision. I have no family help, my mother hates me and has several times tried to kill me, even been arrested too.

I can hear the comments, the suggestions coming my way, everyones a self-help guru on here too. I scan over these articulate reads with bullet point suggestions and here it comes again. People seem to have their shit all together.

Here I am with one failed relationship after another, being treated like a red headed step child. Or even worse a red headed witch from the Bible being baptized under water for twenty minutes. Me plus cruel people seem to attract like magnets. I used to say I pick the best of friends but the worst of lovers, now I think I chose the worst of everyone.

Within a span of three days I’ve had 4 people tell me to chose better, or you just meeting the wrong people. Or stop talking and giving yourself to others so much.