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and basically easy to dismiss, if not downright invisible. In this way they can easily rule us as their flimsy ego’s tell them they’re superior.Isn’t this how women are raised in the south? I think it is. So maybe that’s where the term toxic femininity originated.I couldn’t find any reference to how, when, or where it first appeared so I infer ‘the south.’ I could be wrong, but my logic says it couldn’t have originated in the NE part of the country as most of those people are born smart asses. And I can’t see any western states adopting this term. The plain states would laugh you all the way to the barn if a man called a woman this, so that leaves the southern states.After all they adopted slavery once upon a time so subjugating people and assigning labels became their specialty and that easily transferred over to women.Here are some of the nicknames you’ll hear in the south; honey, sugar, sweetie pie, bud, bubba, sissy, boy, buck, missy, boo, bubba, shug, shuggy, captain, toots and there are more, but I quit as I got tired of looking them up.Even I grew up with a mom who used to say to my sister and I, “pretty is as pretty does.” Boy, how we flinched at that one. But we knew exactly what she meant. She wanted us to be on our best ladylike behavior despite what we thought or how we felt about it.Although I’m a strong woman, I don’t self-identify as a feminist and I’m far from being labeled a ‘toxic feminist.’ Although I did spend my first year of marriage sometimes acting like one because I wasn’t used to owning my own voice. I don’t remember how this changed and I’m sure it was gradual and thankfully it didn’t cause us to divorce…Thank God my husband is in no way a toxic man.I think women who are in abusive relationships, or are married to a toxic man, are apt to be verbally, mentally, and physically abused so they become toxic feminists out of self preservation. Opposing a bully means you may get knocked down/out, but when and how do women drop this behavior once they are free from an

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a toxic male?If it were me, I’d enroll in assertiveness classes. I’d also keep a daily journal where I’d practice writing down my true feelings and reactions to things, people, and events. I would practice how I react to people when I’m out and about… Obsequious people are usually overly nice to everyone they encounter. Instead, I’d focus on owning myself and my space until it became my default.I’m not saying you should act rude — just don’t be apologetic. And stop putting yourself last.This is the same advice I would give a friend who acts like this whenever we go out anywhere together and she’s fits the definition as she’s long been a doormat for her husband and her now grown kids.If I didn’t feel somewhat sorry for her and if she weren’t so dang funny, I wouldn’t spend anytime around her because her behavior gets on my nerves. She’s been called ‘a people pleaser’ for as long as I’ve known her and that’s been two decades.It’s also interesting to note she’s been on anti-anxiety and antidepressants for at least that long, too… Gosh, I wonder why? Not long ago she let it slip that her husband has started calling her “a druggie.” She had laughed it off. Seriously?… I wanted to bitch slap him.She had just proved something my husband used to say when we were raising our daughter. “We will get the behaviors we tolerate.”While it’s too late for my friend to change, it’s not for younger women who identify with her and this label. There’s help to be found so we can change if we realize we’re not happy with ourselves and the way we’re treated.I would think setting out to find your own voice would be an empowering journey, as opposed to drugging and silencing yourself for the sake of pleasing others.So here’s to a lot less toxic femininity and a lot more females finding and using their authentic, true voices to express themselves without fear of ugly appraisals and condemnation… Come on girls, we’ve got this!**Thanks for reading and thoughtful writing everyone.</article></body>

Women/Mental Health/Empowerment

What is ‘Toxic Femininity?’

What is it, and do you have it

Photo by Cristina Anne Costello on Unsplash

I heard this term recently and for the life of me I couldn’t think what it meant so I looked it up and I found a definition in an article written for Psychology Today, August 2019' written by Ph.D Ritch C. Savin-Williams, entitled “Toxic Femininity.” He writes, “this is when a woman works to the benefit of others, but to the detriment of herself… It manifests itself in forms of depression, exhaustion, or wildly illogical solutions to complex problems.’”

The article went on to pose the deeper question of does this even exist?

A freelance journalist, Katie Anthony, offered her explanation. “If it does exist, it encourages silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive…It’s the thing women do to keep our values, which the patriarchy has told us is conditional upon our ability to bare domination…” She went on to conclude, ‘ therefore, femininity in general is inherently TOXIC.’

I think she took it too far, but then again maybe not?

Based on this definition I realized I’ve seen toxic femininity rears it’s ugly head, (yes it’s ugly, despite it’s pretty outward appearance) because it’s when a women sits on our true feelings by holding back on expressing them because she fears being called; outspoken, argumentative, mean, prickly, bitchy, opinionated, snarky, smart aleck, conceited, rough, un-lady like, and other derogatory adjectives used by men.

These men want us to be, quiet, demure, malleable, submissive, lacking in opinions, dense, lady like, subjugated, and basically easy to dismiss, if not downright invisible. In this way they can easily rule us as their flimsy ego’s tell them they’re superior.

Isn’t this how women are raised in the south? I think it is. So maybe that’s where the term toxic femininity originated.

I couldn’t find any reference to how, when, or where it first appeared so I infer ‘the south.’ I could be wrong, but my logic says it couldn’t have originated in the NE part of the country as most of those people are born smart asses. And I can’t see any western states adopting this term. The plain states would laugh you all the way to the barn if a man called a woman this, so that leaves the southern states.

After all they adopted slavery once upon a time so subjugating people and assigning labels became their specialty and that easily transferred over to women.

Here are some of the nicknames you’ll hear in the south; honey, sugar, sweetie pie, bud, bubba, sissy, boy, buck, missy, boo, bubba, shug, shuggy, captain, toots and there are more, but I quit as I got tired of looking them up.

Even I grew up with a mom who used to say to my sister and I, “pretty is as pretty does.” Boy, how we flinched at that one. But we knew exactly what she meant. She wanted us to be on our best ladylike behavior despite what we thought or how we felt about it.

Although I’m a strong woman, I don’t self-identify as a feminist and I’m far from being labeled a ‘toxic feminist.’ Although I did spend my first year of marriage sometimes acting like one because I wasn’t used to owning my own voice. I don’t remember how this changed and I’m sure it was gradual and thankfully it didn’t cause us to divorce…Thank God my husband is in no way a toxic man.

I think women who are in abusive relationships, or are married to a toxic man, are apt to be verbally, mentally, and physically abused so they become toxic feminists out of self preservation. Opposing a bully means you may get knocked down/out, but when and how do women drop this behavior once they are free from an a toxic male?

If it were me, I’d enroll in assertiveness classes. I’d also keep a daily journal where I’d practice writing down my true feelings and reactions to things, people, and events. I would practice how I react to people when I’m out and about… Obsequious people are usually overly nice to everyone they encounter. Instead, I’d focus on owning myself and my space until it became my default.

I’m not saying you should act rude — just don’t be apologetic. And stop putting yourself last.

This is the same advice I would give a friend who acts like this whenever we go out anywhere together and she’s fits the definition as she’s long been a doormat for her husband and her now grown kids.

If I didn’t feel somewhat sorry for her and if she weren’t so dang funny, I wouldn’t spend anytime around her because her behavior gets on my nerves. She’s been called ‘a people pleaser’ for as long as I’ve known her and that’s been two decades.

It’s also interesting to note she’s been on anti-anxiety and antidepressants for at least that long, too… Gosh, I wonder why? Not long ago she let it slip that her husband has started calling her “a druggie.” She had laughed it off. Seriously?… I wanted to bitch slap him.

She had just proved something my husband used to say when we were raising our daughter. “We will get the behaviors we tolerate.”

While it’s too late for my friend to change, it’s not for younger women who identify with her and this label. There’s help to be found so we can change if we realize we’re not happy with ourselves and the way we’re treated.

I would think setting out to find your own voice would be an empowering journey, as opposed to drugging and silencing yourself for the sake of pleasing others.

So here’s to a lot less toxic femininity and a lot more females finding and using their authentic, true voices to express themselves without fear of ugly appraisals and condemnation… Come on girls, we’ve got this!

**Thanks for reading and thoughtful writing everyone.