What Is The Worst That Could Happen?
Change your inner voice to build yourself up.
“I am such an idiot, why did I..?” “I shouldn’t have done that. If I only…”
What does your inner voice tell you? Do you build yourself up or tear yourself down in your head?
We all have inner voices that constantly comments on our life. On the things, we are doing and the things, we need to do. These inner voices can be critical, helpful, or just thoughtfully reflecting on the people we meet and the events that happen around us.
But how well does your inner voice support you?
You go to work in the morning, arriving at your desk and putting your bag down. It’s a usual morning and you walk to the coffee machine to get your morning shot of caffeine. When you get to the coffee machine a few of your colleagues are standing there chatting. John your handsome colleague who is in your team and Jennifer who you have been trying to get to know a little better through the past month.
They nod casually when they see you but continue their conversation with their backs turned to you.
Your mind immediately starts to analyze the situation.
“Are they ignoring you on purpose?”
“Should you try to get in to join the conversation?
The coffee machine grinds the beans noisily and Jennifer sends it an annoyed glance before laughing at something. You realize you only have precious few seconds to decide what to do next.
The machine spits out your coffee.
Its time to decide.
You turn slowly towards the group with your warm mug in hand but hesitates. The moment is gone. You feel awkward now and turn towards your desk. While walking your mind starts racing again. Analyzing. Criticising.
It doesn’t end there. When you get home in the evening the coffee “incident” as it is now named in your mind is still under analysis.
“Oh, I am such an idiot. No wonder they don’t like me.”
“I should have had the confidence to just join in.”
“Am I funny? Could I even join in if I wanted?”
You have a hard time falling asleep that night. You ruminate on the “Coffee incident” incessantly.
There are things you should start doing now to avoid this!
Use your Power Question
This is the question you need to make your best friend. This is your go-to question when in doubt. Whenever you are second-guessing an action you have done or want to do, you can use your power question to help sort you out.
This question is so powerful that it can completely change your life. It can change what you dare to do, how you think about past events, and how you relate to other people.
With this one question, you can take control of your life.
This question has helped me quit a job.
Win my wife.
Travel 3 months to Bali with 40 people I didn’t know and have one of the greatest experiences of my life.
It helped me make decisions on investing my money. Buying a house and even having kids.
Do you want to know the question?
The question is pretty simple and not even difficult to answer. Sometimes it needs to be repeated to have full effect, but the question is the same.
“What is the worst thing that could happen?”
Think about it. Say it out loud. Ponder it.
Do you think this is way too simple? It is simple but it is also profound. It requires that you let down your guard and reflect.
Next time you have a hard choice to make. Ask yourself your Power question “What is the worst thing that could happen” and see what the answer is. Then ask it again. And again. Until you cannot ask the question anymore. Then work your way back.
I promise you. You will know what to do.
If you are ruminating over something that has happened. Like a “Coffee incident” ask yourself your Power Question. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Maybe it is true, they don’t like you. So what? What is the worst thing that could happen then?
I will have to find other friends. Ok, is that so bad? What can you do then?
I don’t have to stress so much over talking to them next time, I can always find someone else.
Exactly.
The second tool to get that head of yours in place is to change the dialogue.
Reframe your thinking
(From “I must” to “I get to”)
“I get to clean the toilet” sounds completely contradictory. Who in their right minds likes to clean toilets?
That’s the point. Sometimes you have to remember that you are alive, you have your health and you get to do a lot of things even if some of them are not your favorite. The stoics say “Memento Mori” remember death. We are all going to die, so we should cherish life.
Ok, enough with the violin music and the sunset. This is life. It can be hard. There is stuff you don’t want to do. But you have a choice. Thinking I get to do this takes you a long way and remembering your mortality can help you reframe the things in life you don’t enjoy.
The second trick is appreciating life. Focus on the positive things in life. Write a gratitude diary. Or don’t.
The important thing is to refocus your thinking. Change the dialogue in your head. Whenever your mind starts to complain, think about what it would be like to not be able to do that chore.
What if you lost both your arms, wouldn’t you dream of cleaning the toilet?
Practice creating positive narratives
It’s a little like writing a gratitude journal, but also very different. Writing a gratitude journal is a way to rewire your brain to be thankful for the things in life that you appreciate. To wire your brain to focus on the positive elements in your life.
Practicing positive narratives has the same purpose. To rewire your brain to focus on the good things you do. The stories that you need to build yourself up.
This is one way you can do it:
- Before going to sleep, think about your day.
- Then find something you did well that day. Think about the situation, where were you? Who was with you? What happened?
- Visualize the event as much as possible. Make sure it is in color. Add the sounds, what was in the background? What was said? What were the expressions of other people?
- Make sure your story seems as grand as possible.
- Then summarise to yourself what you did well.
That’s it really. Start changing that dialogue in your head. Start creating positive narratives.
Most importantly
Stop ruminating. Congratulate yourself a little more. Remember to give yourself praise! You are actually doing a great job of living your life!
Use your inner dialogue to build yourself up.
It worth it. I promise.