What Is the Secret to Happiness?

Money? Family? Success? A doughnut?

The million-pound question: what is happiness? It’s said to be the purpose of life, so a lot depends on this. If you aren’t happy, what’s the point of living? But what if you have everything society says will make us happy (money, success, family, looks, etc.), and you’re still not happy?

Well, what the hell is happiness?

Can happiness be a doughnut?

Stick with me, and I’ll show you why happiness might be a doughnut.

Happiness is (not) success

You’ve climbed to the top of the ladder, and everyone in your industry knows your name. Maybe you invented the best thing since sliced bread, or perhaps you’ve achieved 100x Top Writer status.

Are you happy?

You should be because you’re successful, right?

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.” — Albert Einstein

But happiness derived from success is fragile happiness. What if someone else comes along and creates something better?

What if you invented ring doughnuts and someone created round doughnuts with delicious fillings?

What if you decide being a successful writer isn’t the key to happiness because it’s robbed you of a normal life? Fans follow you to the shop, stalk your Instagram and Twitter, and put everything you say through critical discourse analysis.

When success no longer permits growth or change and instead leaves you in a constant state of anxiety, are you still happy?

Probably not.

Happiness is (not) putting others first

Research says we should focus more on improving other people’s well-being than our own. Making other people happy has a stronger effect on our happiness. The researchers also found we were happier when making other people happy than when someone tried to make us happy.

This was even the case when it was a stranger.

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” — Mother Theresa

But how much can you focus on other people before it harms you? Shouldn’t you put on your oxygen mask before helping others?

What if you buy doughnuts for everyone else and there’s none left for you?

Remember Fargo and the story about the man who wanted to give away everything he had?

Happiness is (not) money

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy anything else, and that’s pretty damn close. You can buy a lot of doughnuts if you have loads of money.

Money is proof of happiness because it means you put in the effort and achieved something, right? You did something with your life.

You’re useful.

Maybe you bought a doughnut factory. Now you should be happy forever, right?

“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

Money might make you happy, and buy you doughnuts, but only up to a certain point. If you earn more than $75,000 it will no longer impact your level of happiness (maybe that’s the limit to how much money you could spend on doughnuts).

So, having money won’t guarantee happiness. It’s an extrinsic goal and you’re better off pursuing intrinsically-motivated goals.

These are things you can’t lose, like the memory of eating that perfect doughnut.

Happiness is about the little things

Yesterday, my ten days of self-isolation was over, and the first thing I wanted to do was buy a doughnut (yes, there was a point to this doughnut madness).

And that doughnut was glorious. This treat had served as a positive goal that got me through COVID-19 and ten days of being stuck inside the house.

Little things make me happy because:

Happiness is not about money, success, purpose, or being useful; true happiness is made up of lots of little moments.

Happiness can be an unexpected hug or the perfect cup of tea. A pat on the back for a job well done. It can also be selfless acts and helping other people.

Happiness is also a doughnut when a doughnut is all you want.

Happiness is accepting you won’t always be happy

These blissful, happy moments will appear in-between stressful days at work, horrible cups of tea and grumpy children.

Moments of happiness are supposed to be rare. If we always had happy moments, they would lose their magic.

If you set out in life hoping to achieve 100% happiness at all times you’re setting yourself up to fail because the goal becomes virtually unattainable.

What makes us happy can also change.

One day, a doughnut won’t make you happy anymore because it lost its rarity or you don’t fancy doughnuts anymore.

And that’s okay because you can always find something else that makes you happy. Strong people don’t waste time mourning a doughnut and lose all their happiness because one thing no longer makes them happy.

They have surrounded themselves with other things they can shift their focus to. These people adapt and grow, even if that means making a radical change.

Today’s doughnut can be tomorrow’s green apple.

If this article didn’t make you happy, here are two articles that might hit that sweet spot:

Closing Thoughts

Happiness is not a constant state we should spend our lives striving to achieve. It can’t be found by constantly seeking success, money or always putting other people ahead of ourselves.

Happiness is treasuring the little moments, whether that’s a hug or a doughnut.