Men | Mental Health | Parenting

What Is The Reason To Why Boys Never Become Kind Gentlemen

And How can you change this outcome?

Boys — a lot filled with hopes, and feelings of being embraced by the people they love. They are bold, brash and sometimes come off as absolute hard knocks. What is it that turns boys into men? Being specific what makes them gentle?

Is it the age, the hardships of teenagehood, or perhaps the abandonment of a parental figure when they needed them the most? There are many causes, but not all of them contribute to how boys become men. We are all at times lost, most of us never knew how to be gentle. Or more precisely when to be gentle.

We were taught warmth and kindness from our mothers. The ones who treated us like we’d never age. Who showed us an eternal fervour, that nobody seems to break. Then there come our fathers, who at most were entirely the opposite. Cold, distant, prude and sometimes affectionately rude. Their way of connecting with us did only last till our puberty. Some walked out on us, some were never there. While many didn’t care even if they were there.

When do father figures, actually become distant from their sons? I believe most stop connecting or sharing. Of course, their treatment with their daughters is always genuine and heartwarming. But why do they remove the same treatment with their sons?

Puberty for most boys is fairly hard. We at most times don’t even know what we are actually doing. The changes in our bodies, in our minds and ourselves, becomes confusing to deal with. Most of the times, we are just lost. Our fathers aren’t there to guide us. We learn the fundamentals of becoming a teen from either a DVD that gets passed around a lot. Or from the people who pass them, people our age; our friends who are never the right ones.

They teach us about the basics of using the newfound rules for becoming a man. They are never fair nor are they great in our growth process. We learn all the things that we were supposed to learn from our fathers from these people who are at most, never in our favour.

We learn from society, and all the dirty, incessant objects of desire that are implemented into our minds thwart us away from being gentle. As we grow, we are prone to more violent behaviours, bullying and such things that manifest in our minds. These feelings mould our psyche, and we slowly turn into monsters.

Beings who need to satisfy their desires, with a mindset to seek pleasure when we would have been learning and enjoying our lives. We are mixed into these peoples who only contribute towards harm. Either at ourselves or others, we never saw it coming.

No one was there to be our guide.

We were all but alone, destined to learn by ourselves when we need a parental figure to guide us through the process of becoming a man. Society was our guide, and it led us through dark times that made us into these people who only could do wrong.

What did we do wrong to deserve such a fate? In being alone with only our immature wit? Why did our fathers abandon us in our time of need when we were all but lost in this game of growing up?

I recently got acquainted with a cousin of mine, a few months back. I was surprised to have seen so much maturity at his age. He has grown into a fine young lad — responsible, mature, wise and able. I felt a little bit envious too at first, but I was proud that he accomplished such a feat in but a small-time.

While talking with him, on the rooftop of our ancestral home. He explained to the sudden change when I asked him a question:

“How did you become so gentle? What’s the reason behind this amazing change?”

He continued, by smiling “well, you see Uncle Moz tagged me along with him.”

I asked for clarification and thus he said,

“You know he was protective of us all from a young age. He wanted me to develop a healthy relationship and thus I learned in his stead.”

My uncle Moz, was a rebel in his youth. He was a huntsman and a great one at that. He was also getting trouble with the law, often. But it was his character that helped him garner a following. From lawyers to political figures, everyone knew of him. He was like a man who was respected in all the land.

My uncle at a young age left highschool. In his senior year, he grew tired of education and wanted to pursue other things. He got in touch with the wrong company and thus he got detached from the civil path. After living a long and hard life, he left everything that had made him a gun. He started a newer path in life, leaving everything he had ever collected. His life felt empty and lacked meaning even if he was a rebel.

Choosing what he wanted based solely on his talents, didn’t necessarily guarantee his happiness. If you only think of what you should do and completely ignore what you want to do. Then you’re just living the life of a machine, a cog in the force of nature. That isn’t how a human being should live.

He understood it late, but not too late I believe. He realized the mistakes that caused him so much loss in life. Thus he wanted to avoid the mistakes he did, in my cousin’s upbringing. He knew the regrets, of youth. Thus he did, what he felt best.

He allowed himself to become the guardian, and companion of my cousin. He bonded with him and showed him how to hunt. He gave him the freedom to experience life from a wild side. They went on hunting trips so that he wouldn’t mix with the wrong crowd.

He focused on his education, and also pushed him to work with him on his business. He learned to manage finances and also learn the trade of making money.

Uncle Moz was able to show him the right way, of living life. Mitigating the events that might have led him astray.

He did not want to repeat the same history twice.

Thus, he became his best friend, his father, and his guide. He also channelled my cousin’s dad to put more faith into his son. And thus when every parental figure was in on his upbringing — he became a morally kind man in the process.

During the years this was happening, I met him a few times. As he grew, I saw levels of maturity from his presence. My uncle Moz was able to instil this spirit of manhood in him through careful bonding and consideration.

My cousin was proud that uncle Moz took him under his wing. Thus he was proud that he didn’t make the same mistakes he did. My cousin is 20 years old now. His mindset is of a righteous man. He is gentle, kind, and moreover responsible.

He recently joined a computer science program. I believe he has a promising future with his newly found perspective. All because he was guided by the right one, at the right time.

How Can You Change This Outcome?

Remember, the right one isn’t the one who avoids danger and misfortune in their life. The right one is the one who experienced the wrongs in life but realized to change their life for the better. They used their remaining time in the service of man and aimed to contribute their life for the greater good.

My uncle Moz is a man of great spirit. He does have regrets, but he doesn’t allow himself to become swallowed by them. Instead, he did what had to be done. He moved forward because it was the only way, he could inspire the new generation to become great. The way to a prosperous life, led by a man of experience.

He was the gear, that led my cousins to become responsible and morally just men.

The right ones are usually the ones who have seen the most wrongs.

Thus I believe, we all have a responsibility to the service of our fellow human. If we choose to take it, we can improve our lives for the better. We can choose to leave this world with great hope and kindness than what we came to receive.

Kindness doesn’t cost a dime, and yet it changes everything leaving it benign.

My uncle and I embody the same spirit, we want those wrong ones to make things right in the lives of those who are perhaps destined to be left astray.

You can be their hope and salvation.

What you did wrong, can help you to make one’s right.

All you need to do is to take action in the lives of those around you. Most of us in this life, we are searching for that one person to believe in us. It isn’t that we can’t believe in ourselves. We are attracted to hope, wherever it may lie.

Be that hope for them. Even if your life has hardships, they can be a lesson that can move a person to the core. When you instil trust in others, it allows you to use your experiences to change their fate. Thus helping you in changing lives.

This was perhaps, a gift that was given to my cousin. A gift from a man who had sailed life’s hardships in all its fury and awe.

Life is better served with friends, and those aim who aim to guide you to love.

Please be their guide, and change their life.

You are enough.