THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MIRRORING
What Is Mirroring: A Manipulation Tactic?
A short guide to how mirroring can be used in social settings
Contrary to popular misconception, mirroring is not simply copying the other person or their body language. It’s giving someone what they want based on your analysis of their personality.
Let us consider an example where you’re having a conversation and you want to tell the person in front of you that you love taking LSD. They might be judgemental about drugs and if your goal is to get on with them, you don’t want to make a bad impression. It’s better to test them first by saying ‘A friend of mine did LSD last weekend’ and watch their reaction. Their facial expression, tone of voice, and body language will tell you how they feel about the idea of taking LSD. If they seem judgemental then you can simply not disclose the fact that you have tried it. However, if they seem open to it or it feels like they think it might be interesting, you can carry on with ‘Yeah, when I tried it in the past…’
In other words, when mirroring you need to always be checking what the other person is comfortable with and adjusting your personality to match that. You can hint at certain topics and ideas to make sure the other person is okay with them before bringing them up. In the case of LSD for example, some people may not like you simply because you use recreational drugs. They might find you irresponsible or they might be against anything that goes against the law. If your goal is to get on with such a person, it’d be best to not mention things that may cause them to judge you at first but rather ease them into it. Once you have built a rapport with someone, you should be able to bring more sensitive topics up. This is because if we like someone, it becomes more difficult to develop a negative opinion of them.
Another thing you should do is to be aware of the other person’s personality and what they might need from you based on that. For instance, if you come across a narcissist, you might be able to tell that he is one by reading his traits accurately. You should pay attention to certain behaviours like bragging way too much, arrogance, being rude to waiters, being obnoxious and only talking about oneself, and signs of envy.
If it is in your best interest to get on with this person, mimicking his behaviours wouldn’t work at all. Actually, this may lead the narcissist to feel threatened by you. What narcissists want is something called narcissistic supply, which is attention, admiration, and adulation. What you can do once you realise that there is a chance you are dealing with someone with this disorder, is to keep quiet about yourself and listen to them talk about their success, achievements, and accomplishments and feign admiration. This will get the narcissist to like you because you’re providing them with exactly what they need.
To put it simply, mirroring is being socially savvy and considering the psychology of the person you are dealing with instead of being self-focused and self-absorbed all the time. It requires one to stop thinking about what they want to say about themselves and pay attention to the person in front of them to determine what this person wants to hear and act accordingly. It is important to learn about psychology and be able to read people well so you can determine how to deal with each person as a separate and unique individual.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can subscribe here — https://medium.com/subscribe/@ella_harris to get an email whenever I publish a story. You can also buy me ☕ via — https://ko-fi.com/ella_harris
This post contains affiliate links. If you use these links to buy something I will earn a commission. Thanks.
