What is Important to Me in Life?

Find out what your values are in this exercise.

Again and again, one hears that it is the “inner values” that count. People often say this in situations where they are rejected because of their appearance or don’t feel comfortable in their own skin.

Inner values are thus used as a kind of consolation. But what are inner values? Is it about the character of a person? And how can we influence inner values so that they actually become visible to others and enrich our lives?

What are inner values?

When we speak of values, it is basically superfluous to call them “inner” values. Because:

The value we ascribe to a quality or an external thing always exists only within us — that is, in our thoughts and feelings. Valuing is a process that takes place in our psyche. A value is something that is important to ourselves.

It can be something concrete, like our new car or our best friend. But values can also be qualities that exist independently of tangible things and, in a sense, lie behind them. That sounds a bit complicated and theoretical? So let’s take a practical look at it.

Examples of inner values

Love, joy, self-care, attractiveness, sexuality, responsibility, reputation — all these are examples of values. True, these words are very general and basically, anything can be hidden behind them. That’s what makes inner values so valuable!

After all, “love” can be about love for a friend, for family, for yourself, or even for a pet. Likewise, reputation can actually be about the new car — but it’s just as possible to get a reputation by helping others.

The point of “universality” is so important because values allow us to bring them into our lives in so many ways.

Suppose we can't take responsibility for our own family because we cannot find a suitable partner or our desire to have children remains unfulfilled. But we can live the inner value “responsibility” differently, for example through professional or voluntary responsibility.

Sure, we often unconsciously link our values to very specific conditions, for example: I absolutely want to have my own family to have meaningful responsibility. But in the long run, it is possible to rethink and accept our circumstances. Which doesn’t mean that we can’t live our values — just differently than we thought. But why should we do it at all? What exactly does it bring us?

Why values are important

Of course, there are many things in life that we enjoy. But we feel truly fulfilled and satisfied in the long term when our activities and lifestyle correspond to our inner values. At the same time, values can also change in the course of life and play a different role in different situations.

Dinner with friends can be enjoyable, but it takes on a completely different meaning when one of our values is connectedness, for example. Then we can create a basic satisfaction for ourselves by regularly inviting people to such evenings and consciously cultivating our contacts.

Aligning one’s life with one’s values can therefore be the key to a more positive attitude towards life.

By the way, this is also how you find an answer to the question: What do I actually want?

But how do we best go about it?

Exercise — What are my values?

The best way to get in touch with your inner values is to first divide your daily life into different areas.

An example of this division would be: work, leisure/hobby, relationships, and personal development. Of course, these areas overlap and you do not have to strictly separate them.

Now, for each area, imagine a past situation in which you felt completely fulfilled and coherent. You don’t necessarily have to have been particularly happy, what counts is the feeling of satisfaction with yourself.

Once you have the 4 situations, ask yourself for each one: What qualities am I showing or present in this situation? What are the qualities that are important here? What do I stand for at this moment, what do I embody?

The answers to these might surprise you: Compassion, sustainability, caring, creativity, intuition, relaxation — let your good feeling guide you and decide on 1 or 2 values for each area.

How can I live according to my inner values?

Once you know your 4 to 8 values, you can consider what activities and lifestyle really suit you. Ask yourself: What can I change or what can I strengthen and make even more present in my everyday life? How can I make even the smallest decisions in everyday life to get closer to my values?

This may be clear to you right away, but it is also possible that you will have to experiment a bit. You may also notice that an inner value you had picked out doesn’t fit you after all — perhaps it only reflects what is expected of you.

So look at each day as a new opportunity to improve your life — not in terms of self-improvement, but in terms of what feels right and valuable to you.