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Abstract

.</p><p id="44cc">You know how to work with your emotions. They always show the right direction. When you have a negative emotion you accept it and let yourself go through it without resistance. You let every emotion and feeling flow through your body. You don’t have any addictions.</p><h1 id="e7a2">Relationship With Your Family</h1><p id="4092">You accept your family. You understand its role in your life. You see how they impacted you. You know why you are the way you are. Family plays a huge role in our development. You are not trying to convince yourself that family is more than it is or less than it is.</p><p id="d644">You treat everyone as a separate human being. You are not taking responsibility for the actions of every member of your family. You let them go through life and learn. You respect their boundaries. Your caregivers don’t have to be who you want them to be. And you have the same right.</p><h1 id="bd21">Relationship With Others</h1><p id="8167">Because you understand yourself you understand others. Society is just a big organism. Everything is connected. You depend on other people. So, it’s healthy to enjoy it. The feeling of acceptance and connection is the best. But it doesn’t mean you have to be what you are told to be. You have inside of you the connection to higher wisdom which is more important than someone’s opinion. Let’s just say, if you are surrounded by cancer cells, it doesn’t mean you have to become a cancer cell too if it doesn’t seem right to you.</p><p id="fecd">You have good healthy relationships with others. You are not afraid of intimacy. You can openly share your thoughts, feelings, and desires. So, you don’t use manipulative ways of getting people to do what you want. You are not afraid of people, so you don’t need to be aggressive or a doormat.</p><p id="4efc">You are going into the world thinking like there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are going to find people that are going to love you the way you are and you don’t have to protect yourself or change yourself in any way to make them love you. And to be in a close committed relationship you don’t have to lose yourself completely.</p><h1 id="319e">Relationship With Love</h1><p id="5447">Love is the hardest one to put into words. We all are looking for a sense of a very deep connection where there is no separation. That’s why we want to be as close as possible to the people we love. The healthiest relationship to love would be to accept your need to feel, want, and appreciate every aspect of it. See, loving someone doesn’t always feel good. When they are in pain, you are in pain as well. That is why you will never hurt them. This is the beauty of it. And you won’t be able to sacrifice yourself too. If they feel pain, you feel pain. If you try to save them by hurting yourself they will feel your pain and you will feel this pain. Human beings by nature need this type of connection.</p><h1 id="d414">Relationship With Work</h1><p id="7d28">Money is not evil. Work is not a punishment. Job or business is not the most important thing in the world. None of it determines who you are. You just find what people need and you c

Options

an give. You want to make this world a better place in some way. You know your skills and desires so you can easily identify what you can do for others.</p><p id="47cf">You are not afraid of responsibilities and commitment.</p><p id="a7f7">You want to do a certain job not because you think you have to or you want to prove your abilities to others or to use it as some kind of leverage in the social game but because you truly deeply want it.</p><h1 id="6fc8">Relationship With Purpose</h1><p id="4348">You, also, don’t need a purpose to identify who you are. You love yourself so you want yourself to feel joy and doing something which brings you an immense amount of joy is your purpose. It comes in a form of feeling the most you you can feel. You never let anything or anyone stay in the way of feeling like this.</p><h1 id="7ae2">Relationship With the World</h1><p id="5e2e">You know you are part of society but you are also a part of the world which is so much more than just a man-made world. You know it’s your home and you want to make it better. You feel a connection to every part of it. Separation from the world is an illusion and you understand it deeply.</p><h1 id="63af">Relationship With Life</h1><p id="7ee1">You want to live. You don’t have to convince yourself every day to keep living. And you are not trying to make something more out of your life than it already is. Just living it is enough for you. You are not looking for illusion or trying to create it. You are not afraid of reality. You accept it and work with it. You are not hiding from life, you are not trying to avoid it. You are hopeful about the future. You accept your past. You can focus all of your energy on the present moment. You cherish your life, your home, your job, your people, so you actually love taking care of them.</p><h1 id="958d">Relationship With Death</h1><p id="44df">You move with life, not against it. Because everything moves, everything changes. Every moment, every state, and every combination of things dies. You are letting go every second. You understand it and let it be the way it is. It doesn’t mean you like it or want it. But you don’t waste your time and energy on resisting it.</p><h1 id="dabf">Relationship With Faith</h1><p id="24ff">You know there is something more around you than you are able to perceive. Because you are connected to everything around you, you can sense every sudden change. You just feel like the world moves. You are not looking for ways to escape this reality. You are looking for ways to connect to ‘what is’ even more no matter how it feels.</p><p id="1f8b">This picture looks like something unachievable or too perfect but it is really not. You still have problems and negative emotions. You go through the same stuff as everyone else, but you are living from a more authentic place and are more capable of dealing with life. You still get sad, but you don’t make it mean something else. You know you are sad because something bad has happened. But you don’t think, “Oh, this stuff is always happening to me because I’m a total loser, so my dad was right and bla bla bla”. That’s trauma, my friend.</p></article></body>

What Is Healthy?

The end of self-improvement.

Humans need a clear and specific goal to achieve any type of success. We know that. I knew that. But still, when it came to self-improvement, I would just take everything without even thinking about it. Do you tell me I have to be disciplined? Of course, I need that, I’m lazy. Do you tell me I have to be open? Of course, I need that, I want to experience life. Do you tell me I have to be non-reactive? Of course, I need that, I don’t want to look like a drama queen. Do you tell me I have to heal my fear of intimacy? Of course, I don’t want to die alone.

When I gathered everything I’ve learned from all those teachers I’ve realized they often point in the opposite directions. So, what was I even trying to achieve? I was clearly moving nowhere. Was I trying to become a healthy efficient person or just their versions of healthy?

In this article, I will try to come to the basics, summarize everything I’ve learned and create a portrait of a truly healthy person.

Relationship With Yourself

You know who you are. You are willing to accept and love every aspect of you. You never try to change yourself because you have to. You don’t think there’s something wrong with you or you don’t deserve what you need. You know that all your needs, wants, thoughts and feelings are right. You have an absolute right to have them. When you want or need something you look for ways to get it. You don’t even think about being worthy of it.

You know your boundaries and you’re not afraid of showing them to others. You don’t feel guilty for saying no. You are not going to lie or sacrifice yourself. You can easily identify what is good for and what is not. You can get out of unfavorable situations. You can show people what behavior is acceptable and not acceptable for you.

You love your body. You are grateful for having it. You learn as much as you can about it to know how to properly take care of it. You listen to it. You always know what is going on and why. You have lots of energy. You have a good sleep and wake up excited about your day.

Your nervous system works the way it is supposed to. For example, when you are in a dangerous situation, it activates a fight or flight response. But after that, it gets back to normal.

You love your mind. You know what it needs and wants. It’s working for you, not against you. You create the most beautiful things with your mind. It loves to explore and learn.

You know how to work with your emotions. They always show the right direction. When you have a negative emotion you accept it and let yourself go through it without resistance. You let every emotion and feeling flow through your body. You don’t have any addictions.

Relationship With Your Family

You accept your family. You understand its role in your life. You see how they impacted you. You know why you are the way you are. Family plays a huge role in our development. You are not trying to convince yourself that family is more than it is or less than it is.

You treat everyone as a separate human being. You are not taking responsibility for the actions of every member of your family. You let them go through life and learn. You respect their boundaries. Your caregivers don’t have to be who you want them to be. And you have the same right.

Relationship With Others

Because you understand yourself you understand others. Society is just a big organism. Everything is connected. You depend on other people. So, it’s healthy to enjoy it. The feeling of acceptance and connection is the best. But it doesn’t mean you have to be what you are told to be. You have inside of you the connection to higher wisdom which is more important than someone’s opinion. Let’s just say, if you are surrounded by cancer cells, it doesn’t mean you have to become a cancer cell too if it doesn’t seem right to you.

You have good healthy relationships with others. You are not afraid of intimacy. You can openly share your thoughts, feelings, and desires. So, you don’t use manipulative ways of getting people to do what you want. You are not afraid of people, so you don’t need to be aggressive or a doormat.

You are going into the world thinking like there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are going to find people that are going to love you the way you are and you don’t have to protect yourself or change yourself in any way to make them love you. And to be in a close committed relationship you don’t have to lose yourself completely.

Relationship With Love

Love is the hardest one to put into words. We all are looking for a sense of a very deep connection where there is no separation. That’s why we want to be as close as possible to the people we love. The healthiest relationship to love would be to accept your need to feel, want, and appreciate every aspect of it. See, loving someone doesn’t always feel good. When they are in pain, you are in pain as well. That is why you will never hurt them. This is the beauty of it. And you won’t be able to sacrifice yourself too. If they feel pain, you feel pain. If you try to save them by hurting yourself they will feel your pain and you will feel this pain. Human beings by nature need this type of connection.

Relationship With Work

Money is not evil. Work is not a punishment. Job or business is not the most important thing in the world. None of it determines who you are. You just find what people need and you can give. You want to make this world a better place in some way. You know your skills and desires so you can easily identify what you can do for others.

You are not afraid of responsibilities and commitment.

You want to do a certain job not because you think you have to or you want to prove your abilities to others or to use it as some kind of leverage in the social game but because you truly deeply want it.

Relationship With Purpose

You, also, don’t need a purpose to identify who you are. You love yourself so you want yourself to feel joy and doing something which brings you an immense amount of joy is your purpose. It comes in a form of feeling the most you you can feel. You never let anything or anyone stay in the way of feeling like this.

Relationship With the World

You know you are part of society but you are also a part of the world which is so much more than just a man-made world. You know it’s your home and you want to make it better. You feel a connection to every part of it. Separation from the world is an illusion and you understand it deeply.

Relationship With Life

You want to live. You don’t have to convince yourself every day to keep living. And you are not trying to make something more out of your life than it already is. Just living it is enough for you. You are not looking for illusion or trying to create it. You are not afraid of reality. You accept it and work with it. You are not hiding from life, you are not trying to avoid it. You are hopeful about the future. You accept your past. You can focus all of your energy on the present moment. You cherish your life, your home, your job, your people, so you actually love taking care of them.

Relationship With Death

You move with life, not against it. Because everything moves, everything changes. Every moment, every state, and every combination of things dies. You are letting go every second. You understand it and let it be the way it is. It doesn’t mean you like it or want it. But you don’t waste your time and energy on resisting it.

Relationship With Faith

You know there is something more around you than you are able to perceive. Because you are connected to everything around you, you can sense every sudden change. You just feel like the world moves. You are not looking for ways to escape this reality. You are looking for ways to connect to ‘what is’ even more no matter how it feels.

This picture looks like something unachievable or too perfect but it is really not. You still have problems and negative emotions. You go through the same stuff as everyone else, but you are living from a more authentic place and are more capable of dealing with life. You still get sad, but you don’t make it mean something else. You know you are sad because something bad has happened. But you don’t think, “Oh, this stuff is always happening to me because I’m a total loser, so my dad was right and bla bla bla”. That’s trauma, my friend.