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Abstract

aning. It is the perfect setup for my response.“The family we make, for example by shedding blood together in combat, is more important than the biological relations we may have with someone.”This directly contrasts their beliefs and usually catches them off balance. I finish the awkward conversation by explaining my real family.<h2 id="104a">Found Family</h2>I’ve always found myself fascinated by stories about bringing together a rag-tag group of people who grow to love each other. In a way, I was always destined to find my own family.I’ve always been a bit of an outcast. I was a nerdy Black kid who grew up in a pretty “bad” neighborhood. I had to find distant outlets to be my genuine self.Once I had more choice in where I allocated my time, I realized I wanted to spend it with the people who made me happy. I know so many people whose holidays are made up of yelling and fighting.It isn’t worth it to me. Life is too short and I want to enjoy as much of it as possible. I know some people will say this is why I should make up with family and ignore the small things, but it isn’t how life works for me. I hold no animosity toward my blood relatives but time is my most precious commodity.I share my time with genuine people. They like me. I like them. It is simple. This year, like many years, I spent my holidays with my found family.My sister is a blood relative, but we have a unique relationship. I am about fifteen years older than her and raised her thro

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ugh her teenage years. We were bonded by flames, and even though she is now a young adult, we remain close.We will call the next member of my found family Jay. He is my sister’s age, neglected by addict parents, and raised by a grandmother who was too old and too sick to do much with him. When I met him, he could barely do the basics of life. There was no one around to teach him. We sometimes take the simple things for granted. He made sure I would never forget that, and he has continued to grow through the years.When he found his grandmother dead one morning, I took him in. He still struggles with the trauma of his childhood, but much like my sister, I see him as my sibling and my child.Kay is very similar to Jay. She grew up with my sister, but her mother followed drugs into oblivion. When Kay had nowhere else to go, I was there. I’ve watched her grow and carry weight people twice her age couldn’t lift. She is family.The last member of my found family is my sister’s boyfriend. He doesn’t come from the same world of trauma, but he accepts it and loves unconditionally. He is a welcome addition to the family.ConclusionFor me, spending the holidays with people I love rather than defending my politics or opening old wounds just sounds like a more enjoyable time. I know some people share different values. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Do you think I’m missing out if biological bonds are not as important to me as the bonds I build over time?</article></body>

What Is Found Family?

Blood is thicker than water…but not in the way you think

There is this pressure to spend the holidays with your blood relatives, even if there is unresolved pain. Despite the claim, some divides are unsurmountable.

Blood is thicker than water.

It is always the reminder thrown my way when someone learns I spend little time with my living blood relatives.

“It’s family,” people will protest when they realize they need more than an old proverb to shake my stance.

“I have family,” I would say if they are still invested in my life. I will then hit them with the origins of their powerful cliche.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”-source

Luckily, they never question my sources because even though this information is all over the internet, I can’t find reliable origins to support it.

Instead, they ask me the meaning…they always ask the meaning. It is the perfect setup for my response.

“The family we make, for example by shedding blood together in combat, is more important than the biological relations we may have with someone.”

This directly contrasts their beliefs and usually catches them off balance. I finish the awkward conversation by explaining my real family.

Found Family

I’ve always found myself fascinated by stories about bringing together a rag-tag group of people who grow to love each other. In a way, I was always destined to find my own family.

I’ve always been a bit of an outcast. I was a nerdy Black kid who grew up in a pretty “bad” neighborhood. I had to find distant outlets to be my genuine self.

Once I had more choice in where I allocated my time, I realized I wanted to spend it with the people who made me happy. I know so many people whose holidays are made up of yelling and fighting.

It isn’t worth it to me. Life is too short and I want to enjoy as much of it as possible. I know some people will say this is why I should make up with family and ignore the small things, but it isn’t how life works for me. I hold no animosity toward my blood relatives but time is my most precious commodity.

I share my time with genuine people. They like me. I like them. It is simple. This year, like many years, I spent my holidays with my found family.

My sister is a blood relative, but we have a unique relationship. I am about fifteen years older than her and raised her through her teenage years. We were bonded by flames, and even though she is now a young adult, we remain close.

We will call the next member of my found family Jay. He is my sister’s age, neglected by addict parents, and raised by a grandmother who was too old and too sick to do much with him. When I met him, he could barely do the basics of life. There was no one around to teach him. We sometimes take the simple things for granted. He made sure I would never forget that, and he has continued to grow through the years.

When he found his grandmother dead one morning, I took him in. He still struggles with the trauma of his childhood, but much like my sister, I see him as my sibling and my child.

Kay is very similar to Jay. She grew up with my sister, but her mother followed drugs into oblivion. When Kay had nowhere else to go, I was there. I’ve watched her grow and carry weight people twice her age couldn’t lift. She is family.

The last member of my found family is my sister’s boyfriend. He doesn’t come from the same world of trauma, but he accepts it and loves unconditionally. He is a welcome addition to the family.

Conclusion

For me, spending the holidays with people I love rather than defending my politics or opening old wounds just sounds like a more enjoyable time. I know some people share different values. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Do you think I’m missing out if biological bonds are not as important to me as the bonds I build over time?