Summary

Co-dependency is characterized as an imbalanced relationship where one partner enables the other's harmful behaviors, often leading to low self-esteem and a cycle of unhealthy dynamics.

Abstract

Co-dependency is a detrimental relationship pattern where a co-dependent individual supports their partner's addictive or self-destructive behavior, often stemming from a deep-seated need for acceptance. This dynamic is not limited to romantic relationships and can occur in various interpersonal connections, including familial ones. Co-dependents typically suffer from low self-esteem and live in denial, blaming themselves for relationship issues. They experience guilt, anxiety, and depression, driven by the unrealistic expectation of being perfect to maintain the relationship. Treatment for co-dependency involves counseling to raise self-esteem and awareness of the dysfunctional relationship, though it may lead to increased turbulence or even physical abuse. Medication can provide temporary relief from symptoms like depression and anxiety but is most effective when combined with counseling. Support from friends and family is crucial for recovery, as is the understanding that such relationships are a reflection of the co-dependent's self-perception rather than mere bad luck.

Opinions

The author suggests that co-dependency is rooted in the co-dependent's need for acceptance and results from low self-esteem.
Co-dependents are often in denial about their partner's flaws and believe they can resolve issues by pleasing their partner.
The article implies that co-dependency can lead to a cycle of guilt, anxiety, and depression due to the co-dependent's inability to meet their own or their partner's unrealistic expectations.
The author posits that counseling is essential for treating co-dependency but acknowledges that it can initially destabilize the relationship.
There is an opinion that medications like antidepressants and mood stabilizers are only a temporary solution and should be accompanied by counseling.
The author emphasizes the importance of support from friends and family in the recovery process and suggests that separation might be the best course of action in some cases.
The article concludes by highlighting the need for co-dependents to recognize that their relationship issues are not due to fate but are a consequence of their own self-esteem and behavioral patterns.

What is Co-dependency?

There is a problem rooted in the past spoiling your present.

Why do we need a relationship? The biggest reason for a relationship is our constant urge to be accepted. Every relationship seems like a bed of roses at the start, but reality sinks in and demands a lot of hard work as time goes by.

A relationship is like a plant that needs food, water, space, and sun. It demands patience and resilience. Many times, though, things don’t go as planned. In this article, I want to write about one such relationship trait, i.e., Co-Dependency.

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a term given to an imbalanced relationship, where one person (i.e., Co-Dependent) contributes to a partner’s unhealthy, addictive or self-destructive habits. Although most common in romantic relationships, co-dependency can also be found in parents, children, friends, or relatives. It’s most dangerous in relationships where people live together, as the possibility of domestic violence is high.

Co-dependents have low self-esteem. They live in an illusionary bubble where-in they feel that all issues in the relationship are because of them.

Characteristics of Co-Dependents

Timmen Cermak is an American psychiatrist who proposed co-dependency added to the DMS (Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorder) in 1986. Although Timmen was unable to pursue people to add Co-dependents in DSM, he enlisted a lot of characteristics in his research. I have enlisted some of the main personality traits down below:

Denial

Denial is generally the first phase in the life of a co-dependent. They fail to recognize that there is a problem with their partners. Co-dependents fail to accept their partner’s flaws and assume that the relationship will prosper if they do everything to please their partners.

Guilt

Co-dependents are under constant guilt for not being able to please their partners. They go out of their way to make the life of their partners easy. One way of doing so is to contribute to the unhealthy habits of their partner, which increases their partner’s expectations.

Whenever they cannot meet their partner’s expectations, they blame themselves for being incapable of providing.

Anxiety

Co-dependants are constantly anxious about doing the right things to please their partners. They would like to do anything to get acknowledged for their efforts. It makes them desperate for acceptance, which builds anxiety as they seek the role of a perfectionist in everything they do.

Depression

As mentioned earlier, co-dependants seek to be a perfectionist in everything they do for the relationship. Every time they fail, their self-esteem takes a further dip. They start considering themselves as a failure. They indulge in unhealthy habits to obtain pleasure as they cannot extract happiness from any life event. They feel depressed, unworthy, exhausted, and hopeless all the time.

Treatment and Cure

Mental Health treatments are never straightforward. It’s even riskier in the case of co-dependants, as they live in an illusionary state of denial and self-guilt.

Counseling

The objective of counseling co-dependants is to make them aware of a problem with their partners. Co-dependents genuinely believe that their relationship troubles are because of them. The therapist should primarily work on raising the patient’s low self-esteem.

The problem with this approach is that it will make the relationship turbulent. The co-dependant will start being assertive, but the peace bubble of the relationship will break. There will be a higher possibility of physical abuse and tempt the co-dependant to go back to old methods.

Counseling alone won’t be enough to cure the co-dependent. Support from friends and family will be of paramount importance. Ideally, separation should be the best course of action, but it could be problematic with kids and impossible with physically impaired partners.

Medications

Since depression, anxiety and OCD are typical by-products of Co-dependency, prescribed medications can work as a temporary bandage. Antidepressants and mood stabilizers might work but will need support from regular counseling.

Without counseling, these medications will work like painkillers and temporary bandages. Moreover, most of these medications bring side effects that may cause further exhaustion. It re-emphasizes the need for a support staff, which may not be possible most of the time.

Conclusion

The biggest problem with Codependents is awareness and acceptance. Support from family, friends, and relatives can go a long way in helping them out of the crisis. Even more important is a constant reminder that their current relationship is not due to bad luck or destiny but because they have attracted this kind of relationship to feed on their low self-esteem.

Thanks

Tarun

P.S — Medium is an excellent platform to read, write and learn from fellow authors. If you want to join this journey, Join medium today.