What Inexperienced Men Need to Know About Seducing a Woman

Seductive sex skills for total newbies.

I have a thing for nerdy guys.

Nerds are always stereotyped as socially awkward introverts obsessed with science fiction, fantasy, and video games. The reality is much more exquisite. Nerds come in a wide variety of flavors.

There’s the Gamer, the Comic Fan, the Tech Geek, the Science Nerd, the Anime Fan, the Fantasy Fanatic, the Cinema Buff, and more. I’m sure there are some people out there totally obsessed with board games, but I haven’t confirmed my suspicions.

Full disclosure, I may or may not have some of these traits myself.

No matter what kind of nerd they are, I love them all. I don’t discriminate.

What attracts me to them is usually what they all share. It’s their similarities—not their differences—that count.

Those similarities are so attractive I’m willing to put up with a language barrier: I speak English, and they speak computer code. In my mind, it’s a no-brainer. It’s a small sacrifice to make to have a partner who respects me.

But what are those similarities? And why am I attracted to them? That’s what this article is going to explore. Because I’ve seen the Bat Signal in the sky. I’ve observed your plight, dear men.

Men are struggling with dating like they never have before. Pew Research Center says that half of the men under thirty are single and looking. Most daters, men and women, say that dating is very difficult.

How can I help you? We’re going to have a little chat about seduction.

It seems like guys could use a few pointers when it comes to seduction these days. I write this with no judgment. I don’t think men are giant failures who should be treated like trash.

Telling people how big of losers they are isn’t going to help them. Instead, I offer advice and ideas to those who want them.

There’s a lot of talk about sex but so little talk about what leads up to sex. Besides dating gurus and coaches trying to sell people courses and peddling lies.

Learning how to seduce women first means setting yourself up for success by having the right expectations. I don’t think dating is or should be reduced to nothing more than a numbers game.

But in some ways, it is. If you meet 100 people, think about how many of those people will be available and looking for a partner. Now, think about how many of them will be compatible with you and someone you want to date.

Now think about how many of them might want a new relationship, and they like you, but they just aren’t ready for one yet. If she just got out of a hell relationship with an abusive guy, it might take years for her to be ready to date again.

If you’re lucky, maybe two or three out of 100 are available, compatible, and ready to date. Not great odds. You can forget the fantasy of endless streams of women begging to be with you for a night. That’s a myth, not a reality.

Porn is incredibly widespread. It has a lot of men feel like they deserve a new woman each week, and anything less than that is a sign they’re a failure. The truth is, if you’re dating a new woman every two months, you’re already dating way more women than the average American.

The point is, don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting too much. Take what you can get and appreciate the time you get with interesting people.

Next, don’t fall into the trap of assuming you know what women want. Don’t listen to the BS and lies. I talked about my history with nerdy guys at the beginning of this article because women’s tastes vary. We don’t all like the same types of guys, no matter what the phony gurus tell you.

If you want to seduce a woman, you have to know what women want. And assuming you know what they want when you don’t will only lead to frustration, confusion, and rejection.

And while we’re at it, ditch this idea that you have to be perfect to seduce a woman. Everywhere you look, you’re told women love tall, handsome, rich guys with a lot of shiny toys. My dating history would like to disagree.

If you took my ex-boyfriends and had them stand together in a police line-up, you would be shocked at how I don’t have a “type” of guy I typically go for. They’ve all been so different.

I’ve dated guys who are 5'6" and guys who are 6'5".

Money doesn’t matter to me as much as ambition. Sure, money is nice, and let’s be honest, everyone likes money, but a hardworking man is a complete turn-on, and a lazy bum who wants to sit around all day is a total turn-off…even if he has millions in the bank.

This doesn’t get talked about enough.

So, don’t assume you know what women want. The only way to find out is to infer from cues. Is she dressed in workout gear and headed to the gym? Is she headed out to the bar to get trashed with her friends? Is she going to a bookstore or a heavy metal concert?

Trying to find universal tricks that work with all women is pointless and will never work. It’s much better to ask us what we’re interested in. Yes, that requires you to invest a little time but trust me, it’ll pay off.

I think men are much more focused on sex than women. Men get tunnel vision when they see a woman they want to sleep with. I’m not here to make you feel bad or guilty for this.

It’s a natural process, and nobody should ever make you feel ashamed of your sexuality or attraction (as long as you mind your manners and manage your behavior).

But when you get tunnel vision, it’s easy to skip the important stuff. Most people don’t understand that sexuality takes place outside of the bedroom first. We usually think about sex as a line that’s crossed when we transition from friendship or acquaintanceship to lovers. That line doesn’t exist.

It’s one long gradient.

Think about all that makes you a sexual person. Think about all the things that make sex happen. It’s so much more than two people putting their naked bodies together and moving back and forth until you’re sweaty.

Sexuality begins with connection. That connection sparks desire. That desire moves on to communication. That communication transforms into trust. That trust then turns into a deep connection.

When you’re communicating with your crush, you want to be as self-assured as possible. Don’t be arrogant. Nobody likes that, despite what you might hear on the internet. Be respectful. But don’t be skittish. There’s nothing wrong with desiring someone.

Yes, I’m going to say it. You need to be confident.

Confidence is a big deal, obviously. It’s universally considered attractive. And a lot of people have a crazy idea of what they think confidence is. Confidence isn’t violence, threats, aggressiveness, anger problems, or dominating people.

Confidence is being secure in yourself.

It means you understand who you are and what you’re doing when you talk to a woman. Don’t cross her boundaries. But understand that if you’re on a date or flirting with a woman, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

A lot of men are scared to death to flirt because they aren’t sure what they’re doing. Society has spent our entire lives telling us we should be ashamed of attraction and our sexuality. Sex is a bad word in polite society. You can be kind and respectful and be okay with your sexuality and desire.

There’s a healthy middle ground. Find it.

Take some time to yourself and reflect on what sex means to you. It’s the most intimate thing you can do with someone, and there’s a big possibility that someone gets hurt emotionally. It’s not something you should be doing on autopilot.

The good news is confidence looks different for everyone. The nerdy guys I dated had their own flavor of confidence that isn’t the style of the popular high school quarterback type.

Find your own personal style of confidence and stick to it. Solidify your beliefs and reaffirm your goals every single day. Do you want a long-term lover? Do you want to date around and have casual sex? What do you want?

Keep that image in your mind. Close your eyes and envision it.

Now, go for it.

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