What If We Didn’t Get To Say Sorry?

Sorry does not seems to be the hardest word but regret does.

Friendship is the most beautiful yet complicated things on earth. It may start from the first “hello” or it may start with a little annoyance. It may start with a smile or it may start with a smirk. We engage in friendships voluntarily. Perhaps most importantly, genuine friendships will flourish only if mutual respect exists between friends. I had my story and I believe you had yours too.

She and I — we met during our college days back in 2006. We were both 18 at the time. She was a quiet and shy girl in the class. We didn’t talk much to each other until the third week of the semester when we were working on our class assignment. That was when I realized she was not very shy as I thought she was. She’s quite talkative and friendly.

It was during one rainy day in September 2006 when our friendship started to blossom. I love rainy days but I never had an umbrella with me. She always had. That day, she offered to share her umbrella with me. We shielded together under the umbrella and ran towards a nearby bus stand. It was a crazy moment. We laughed when we realized that we were both soaked.

Our friendship developed instantaneously. We have had a few mutual friends and start hanging around together. Sometimes we would share a cup of instant noodles during our late-night study. Sometimes we would share secrets. We exchange notes during classes. Notes full of doodle and stupid stuffs. We became a groupmate for almost every class assignment. We stay up late to study, gossiping, and whatnot. We graduated together in 2011.

She was a smart girl and sometimes was quite outspoken. She was firm yet very bubbly and funny. She was part of my campus life. She was part of the marks that I obtained in our group assignments. She was part of the experience. She was part of my growing up journey.

Our friendship was put on a challenge in 2013. We had a little fight that caused a strain in our friendship. It was a stupid fight that I keep on regretting for years. Our 7 years of friendship was ruined over some silly arguments that caused us to be apart for almost 6 years. She was being outspoken and I was being overly sensitive.

The construct of friendship implies reciprocity and give-and-take. When it comes down to it, the people we like to be around are those who make us feel good about who we are, what we believe, and what we enjoy doing. We often forget that the one who cares sometimes would tell us otherwise.

“Deep regret goes further than just saying I am sorry. Deep regret says that if I could turn the clock back, and if I could do anything about it, I would have liked to have avoided it.”

Yesterday, I was shocked when I heard that she passed away due to some birth complications. It is her first-born. A baby that she has been waiting for 5 years. The baby survived but she didn’t. To me, this is more than just losing a best friend but instead a self-discovery process.

I am glad that we have reconciled our friendship a few months prior to her calling. The simple act of saying “I’m sorry” can be the catalyst in strengthening a friendship. If something we’ve done has caused pain for another person, it’s a good idea to apologize because apologizing opens up the doors to communication. It also allows us to express regret that they have been hurt, which lets them know we care about their feelings.

F.W. de Klerk once said: “Deep regret goes further than just saying I am sorry. Deep regret says that if I could turn the clock back, and if I could do anything about it, I would have liked to have avoided it.”

Young adulthood is the golden age for forming friendships. Friendships are unique relationships because unlike family relationships, we choose to enter into them. In adulthood, as people grow up and go away, friendships are the relationships most likely to take a hit. We got busy with our daily routines that often friendships were neglected. When we are young, having a large friendship group and feeling popular often seems important. However, as we get older, we learn the value of having a few close friends that we can call on in times of need rather than a loose network of acquaintances.

Her calling has taught me to value friendship. Her calling has taught me that apologizing is more than just a household rule. My younger self didn’t understand the complexities of human pride and self-righteousness, but my older self does.

As we move forward in this time of self-knowledge and self-discovery, it’s vital to acquire the ability to recognize our own mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and we all will do something to hurt another person at some point in our lives. The difference, however, lies acknowledging that we have done something wrong. We cannot genuinely apologize if we can’t admit to ourselves that we made a mistake.

It comes across my mind, what if I didn’t get to say sorry? I felt a pang of conscience for the previous 6 years we spent apart. However, I am glad that we were in good terms prior to her calling. She will always be in my prayers.

I have learned that ‘sorry’ does not seem to be the hardest word but I believe that ‘regret’ does.