What If There’s Nothing Nice To Say?

Make Something Up, I Guess

The recent passing of a former family member got me thinking. I say former family member because he was a member of my ex’s family. Anyway, his death reminded me of one of life’s most perplexing questions, at least for me: why can’t we speak ill of the dead? Why do we go through so much time and effort giving people, who by all accounts are undeserving, a glowing, and fake, tribute as a send-off?

This particular gentleman, and I use the term loosely, was a known sexual predator who molested children and attempted to sexually assault me (the only reason his attempt was unsuccessful is because I fought him off like a wild cat). Yes, there was his obituary on my computer screen, in black and white describing him as, “a man who never, ever harmed a soul in his life.” Seriously?

Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve read obituaries full of complete bull. A few years back, a friend of my ex-husband’s passed away after an automobile accident. Tragic for sure. But to describe him, in print for the world to see as a man “whose wife and family were everything to him,” when he was a proud serial cheater and was living with another woman and hadn’t seen his kids in months is a bit of a stretch. Even my ex rolled his eyes.

Why not be honest? I’m not saying we have to start trashing the dearly departed but come on! Most people have at least one good quality, focus on that. Focus on what really was good instead of making things up that sound nice but are ridiculously false.

For example, the serial cheater was a very sociable people person and a successful businessman. Those are nice qualities. The pervy relative was very devoted to his mother and loved to chat with the locals. There. See how easy that was? Two nice things for two not so nice guys and I didn’t have to lie.

When it’s my time to exit this little blue-green ball, I better not hear about any BS being put in my obituary. I don’t want to be described as a people person, or as wonderfully sweet. Keep it simple. Keep it real. Actually, here, just use this:

We are saddened to announce the passing of Misty Rae which occurred on X day, 2107, in her 136th year. She is predeceased by (whomever) and survived by (whoever is left).

She was an intelligent and intense personality who didn’t suffer fools gladly. She loved her husband and kids but, aside from them, tended to prefer animals to people.

There will be no funeral or visitation. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the library, local educational institution or animal charity of your choice.

Seriously, it’s not that hard. If the person who passed really meant that much to you, take a few seconds to actually celebrate and list the actual good stuff rather than making things up you think sound nice. Honesty, you never know, it may just work, it’s worth a try.