Humor
‘If I Die While Visiting Machu Picchu, Send Me Back in a Body Bag!’
That was my sister’s request, I was fine with cremation
After my sister and I decided to go on a family trip to a foreign land, she had this uneasy feeling about dying while there and expressed openly how she wanted to return home — much to the dismay of the rest of us.
Family trip abroad
When my ex-daughter-in-law, Paula, asked me to accompany her and my grandchildren on a trip to Machu Picchu, I wasn’t surprised, as I’ve gone on many family trips with the girls as a helper.
But Peru — I’m not sure if my knees could take all that climbing, I hate cold weather, and I don’t speak the language — just the thought of taking that kind of trip was already keeping me awake at night.
After lots of convincing and reminding me it may be the last big trip I ever take with my granddaughters, I agreed to go, but with trepidation.
I am lucky to maintain a good relationship with Paula after the divorce and spend as much time with the kids as ever, but Machu Picchu? Yikes!
Flying on a plane? Swollen ankles, landing in a foreign country with Jaguars, Pumas, and Bullet Ants!
Another member wants in
Then I made the mistake of telling my sister about our upcoming trip. We keep in touch through emails weekly, and I mentioned it in passing because I completely forgot — my sister has a serious ailment — it’s called FOMO (fear of missing out), and she quickly called my DIL and invited herself.
What could Paula say? She agreed to let my sister tag along as long as she paid her way and did not ask to bring her four grandsons. In the past, Paula had gotten mad at me for mentioning trips to my sister for that very reason, but lately, my sister hadn’t been worming her way into my family’s vacations — until today.
So now we’re all going to Peru — me and my sister, who are both over 70; three children between the ages of 5 and 12; and my daughter-in-law, who’s in her 40s. What a funny bunch we’re going to be!
Planning a spring trip
The trip wasn’t planned until the following spring, which gave us plenty of time to prepare and maybe even find a reason not to go (hopefully). All I could think of was trying to run with bad knees if snakes, or worse, started chasing me.
Paula reminded both my sister and me to start exercising so our legs would be in shape. Also, due to the extremely thin air, she suggested we walk on cold days to condition our lungs.
Is she really all right with taking two old ladies along with her? The fact that she’s telling me this is scaring the life out of me. What is she thinking about all this?
Months later, with our trip still in the planning stage, the family was at a school event. My sister was there, too, and while the girls were busy with their classes, it left time for the three of us ladies to talk about the trip some more.
At some point, I posed the question to Paula, “You do realize you’re taking two old ladies in their 70s on this trip with you and that it’s been statistically proven the average lifespan for women is around 75, right? What happens if one of us dies while we’re in Peru?”
“I’m not worried about it — your mother was almost one hundred when she died,” Paula reminded us.
“That’s true,” I said, “but her mother was only 66 when she died!”
“Well, if either of you dies, I will have you cremated there.”
Send me back in a body bag
“No!” my sister said frantically. “I don’t want to be cremated. I already have a plot in the family cemetery, and I want to come back whole.”
“Do you know how much it costs to send a body back from Peru to the United States?” Paula quipped.
“I’ll pay you for it upfront, every penny of it, just in case. I don’t want to be cremated.”
To that, I added, “I’m planning on cremation and already have a 2-person niche for me and my older son. It’s at the family cemetery, too. If one of us dies in Peru, they can use the niche.”
“No, no, no! You’ll have to send my whole body back!” My sister insisted, begging me to be sure that would happen if she went first.
By now, Paula’s almost laughing over the whole conversation and saying, “Don’t worry, no one’s going to die, but if you do, I’ll make room in my suitcase for the cremains.”
Then another thought occurred to me.
“What if both my sister and I die in Peru? Then what will you do?” I blurted.
“That’s easy!” Paula stated, laughing, “I’ll just have to make room in my suitcase for both of you!”
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