What if He Wins? Projections on Coping with My Worst Nightmare

With a big thank you to Byron Katie and her work.

Note: This article was written before Saturday’s news declaring Joe Biden the U.S. President-Elect. Given how President Trump and his administration are acting, it doesn’t feel like we’re out of the woods yet. Could something still go terribly wrong? No matter who won, my worst fear is a great illustration of this inquiry process of acceptance, insight, and responsibility.

Is there even life after a Biden loss?

After reading some great analysis posts here about what a vote for Trump means or might mean it’s hard to deny the reality of that mindset. I disagree with it. I am frustrated as hell that people feel that way and the implications from those positions.

But do I have any choice but to accept it?

I write a lot about acceptance and surrender. And even though all the votes aren’t all counted, I can prepare myself for what I’ve been thinking is unthinkable. Even if it takes a few days for the ballots to be counted or the results to sink in.

This is a time to revisit Byron Katie and her book, Loving What Is. The acceptance process she teaches is aptly called The Work.

It’s the work we don’t want to do. The work that helps us wrap our mind around something that has happened, usually beyond our control, explore it and the story we made up about it. See, no wonder it’s called work!

Let’s dive in…

To illustrate her inquiry process, I’ll use the once very real possibility of a Trump re-election as my example. You can use any situation or issue you like.

Byron Katie developed her method after suffering depression and anxiety for years. She was so full of rage, her kids were scared to be around her. She finally ended up in a halfway house for women with eating disorders.

One morning, in her attic room, she awoke full of joy. The rage was gone, and laughter filled her being:

It was as if something else had woken up. It opened its eyes. It was looking through Katie’s eyes. And it was so delighted! It was intoxicated with joy. There was nothing separate, nothing unacceptable to it; everything was its very own self.

From there, she developed her practice, which she offers free of charge. It’s based on the words of the Greek philosopher Epictetus: We are disturbed not by what happened to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.

We all have running commentaries in our brains every waking hour, right?

We’re judgemental creatures with thousands of opinions and great at creating narratives out of them. Nothing happens in our lives without our thoughts responding: This is great! This is horrible! This is the worst thing that could have happened!

We have a hard time separating those thoughts from the facts of our lives.

She calls it The Work.

This is where the work begins, distinguishing the real pain from the added suffering our thinking brings to it. Often those thoughts end up being immobilizing, keeping us from taking action to change or address the situation. So this work can be empowering as well as insightful.

She says: Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless…After I woke up to reality in 1986, people referred to me as the woman who made friends with the wind. Barstow is a desert town where the wind blows a lot of the time, and everyone hated it….The reason I made friends with the wind — with reality — is that I discovered I didn’t have a choice.

Once we can accept reality, that what happened happened, we can do something about it, if needed. She reminds us to ask ourselves, which is more empowering — I wish I hadn’t lost my job, or I lost my job; what can I do now?

Her definition of what should have happened is the fact that it did. Now what? Loving what is, as she calls it, feels better than arguing with reality, which creates tension, frustration, and pain.

Rather than argue, she offers a path of inquiry, not unlike Socrates.

Here are the questions to ask ourselves about our reaction to a situation:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
5. Turn it around: make you the subject of the thought or flip it 180 degrees into its opposite.

Okay, let’s try it with the election outcome I do not want. You substitute your own situation as we go.

My starting thesis is: Trump’s re-election is the worst thing that could happen to our country right now. Here we go:

Is it true?

It sure feels true, and I can point to a lot of evidence, including his mis- or non-handling of the virus, the economy, his condoning of racial violence and hate crimes, his open support for groups like the Proud Boys, and the robbing of people’s programs to enrich the already rich — just to name a few things.

But is it really the WORST thing that could ever happen?

It sure could get a whole lot worse, given the current trajectory. We could ALL die of COVID. Civil war could break out. Armed thugs could roam more of the streets. We could be invaded or beset with even bigger natural disasters. The global warming clock could finally reach midnight.

No, he’s not helping address any of this. But still, it could be a whole lot worse than it is now — a whole lot.

Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

I don’t like admitting that my opinion is just that, an opinion. I don’t know what the Universe has in mind such that this is the path that gets us to where we need to go as a species, as a planet.

Or even for sure that there is a Universal Consciousness that knows what it’s doing with material reality. Sure I believe there is. I pray and meditate as if there is. But on a cosmic level, I can’t say I know absolutely?

I trust it. But other approaches to the material-spirit dichotomy may be just as valid. Including the ones that say this plane of existence is an illusion or a waking dream projected by our fear-driven minds. Hmmm. Okay. I surrender. Next!

How do I react when I think this thought?

I go into fear. I go into resistance. I go into mental loop-de-loops trying to undo the fact of it happening. My breathing becomes faster and shallower as I start to fret, sweat, and panic. Adrenaline rises as if I am in immediate physical danger and need to fight or flee.

None of this is particularly helpful for coping, planning, or re-framing. When I’m this way, I don’t have enough oxygen in my brain to think clearly. Being able to think clearly would be good to do right now. Let me take some deep breaths as I write this and regroup.

Who would I be without this thought?

I’d be the peaceful woman who wrote the post about being the peace and safety we wish to see. I’d be a calm and nurturing presence for friends and family who are freaking out.

I’d be connected to my heart and my spirit. I’d feel my strong connection to God such that prayer or Inner Listening processes come readily.

I’d be releasing the dark night of the soul fears breaking open to behold the light of my soul, letting it be the light I see by as this week unfolds. I would be able to stay open, reminding myself it is not over yet, and more shall be revealed — a lot more.

Turn it around to yourself:

In this case, it would be: My getting re-elected is the worst thing that could happen.

How is that true? If I ask where I might be re-elected, that would be to the board of my church. This doesn’t happen until February of 2021. Is this the Universe’s way of letting me know two two-year terms are enough? It’s time to step down and create a space for others to serve? Hmmm.

Or turn it around to its opposite:

Gulp. This is the hard part. This is where I have to ask — what if Trump’s re-election were the best thing that could happen? Say what?

If I knew for certain that was absolutely true, I would have voted for him, right?

But this is an inquiry and a way to shift from being a victim of my thoughts to a place of empowerment, so stay with it, Marilyn…Try it on for size…How MIGHT this be the best thing that could happen? OR if it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened, how so?

Gulp again. This would have to be conjecture on my part, but maybe America needs more dark nights of the soul to get to her breaking through or breaking open to a higher vision of our country.

So Trump’s re-election, which feels like the beginning of four more years of so-called darkness, could be the necessary incubation and gestation period for the deep-going changes I want to see.

This includes the rising power of women, confronting our racism in a deep and lasting way, saving the environment, and learning how to befriend and nurture ourselves, each other, and our precious planet earth.

Things are so polarized now, it’s hard to imagine many Trump supporters engaging in meaningful dialogue about these things. It’s easier to imagine them being triggered emotionally by the fear that my vision brings up in them. Something else has to happen first.

An opportunity to heal trauma?

Have you read or heard of My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem? As a trauma therapist, he asserts we as a society are all suffering from the wounds of trauma — especially racial trauma — whites as well as people of color and law enforcers. And until we do some somatic healing work, access to our frontal lobe-neocortex for rational discussion is nigh on impossible.

I could get excited about four years of trauma healing work as a nation. If that’s what’s needed, how can I be a part of the healing? Well, to start, we are reading it in my book group at church. Secondly, I’m mentioning it here.

No, I didn’t start writing this article with that in mind. I just wanted some peace of mind just in case…you know, just in case the worst that could happen happens…but yes, check out My Grandmother’s Hands.

Marilyn Flower writes political humor and satire to delight socially and spiritually conscious folks. She’s a regular columnist for the prison newsletter, Freedom Anywhere, where she writes about faith and prayer. Five of her short plays have been produced in San Francisco. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!