Summary

The author outlines the qualities she desires in a romantic partner, emphasizing patience, passion, presence, honest communication, and mutual growth.

Abstract

In a heartfelt letter, the author addresses her partner's question about what she wants in a man. She reflects on her journey of self-discovery and acknowledges the importance of her partner's patience. She expresses a longing for passion and a supportive presence, not just in intimate moments but in everyday life and challenges. The author values honesty and the ability to challenge each other constructively, aiming for a partnership that inspires personal growth and the pursuit of dreams. She invites her partner to discuss their future over coffee, expressing openness to change and evolution in their relationship.

Opinions

The author values patience highly and appreciates her partner's understanding and gentleness.
Passion, both for her and for life, is a key attribute the author seeks in her partner.
Presence, whether physical or emotional, is crucial for the author, even when apart.
The author believes that lovemaking extends beyond the physical act and includes emotional connection and support throughout the day.
Honesty and the ability to call each other out on mistakes are important for the author in maintaining a truthful and challenging relationship.
She desires a partner who will be an inspiration and support for her creative endeavors and personal growth, as she is willing to offer the same.
The author is open to the evolution of both herself and her partner, as well as their relationship together.

What I Want in a Man

The answer to his question

Photo by WavebreakMediaMicro from Adobe Stock

Hello, my dear.

I’ve meant to write to you for so long. You see, first I had to get to know myself. I had to find out who I am and what I like, what gets me going, and what stings in my heart.

You have posed a question, “What do you want from me?”

The first time you asked, I had no idea what to say. Neither did I on the second or the third chance. And yet, you waited. Somehow, you knew patience is one of the qualities I require.

It takes me time to warm up, dear.

Words pile up in my brain and struggle to make it to my throat and, by the time they get to my mouth, I’m already half spent. I have told you it is because, ironically, so many times, I was forced to be quiet. I paid with pain when I did not behave. I can see you understand and bathe me in your gentleness.

So, the first thing I need, you have already given it to me: your patience.

I’m so grateful for that.

There’s more

Dear, you need to know I want passion. I ache to see it in your eyes and smell it in your pores. Yes, passion for me, but also for life.

I want to hear it in your voice and notice it in the way you do things. There’s hope in you and a spirit that never gives up. You do not whine about life’s unfairness; you see the problem and face it head-on. This makes me realize that we’ll always have each other’s back no matter the obstacle we face.

No, we won’t always be in the same room, but it matters not. We’ll never be alone.

That’s two and three on the list, dear. Your passion and your presence, even when it has to be from afar from time to time.

What about sex?

We shall love each other, yes. We’ll have sex in a bed, our naked bodies entangled between the sheets. But then, we’ll hug and dwell into our eyes. Later, as I deal with the weight of ordinary life, you’ll call me or send me a message. You’ll let me know you are thinking of me. You’ll share the many different paths your mind has taken you to.

That’s making love too.

Perhaps we both will be at home, and it will be my turn to go to you as you read or do some work. I’ll rub your scalp with my fingertips. You’ll moan a little and tell me how good it feels.

Lovemaking, again.

Or, who knows? Maybe we’ll have to work together to get the kitchen clean finally. You’ll lovingly tease me about my need to collect glass jars, and I’ll retell my old joke about you drinking too much coffee.

You see? I want us to make love all day long. I need you to love me and to let me love you, in all of the ways known to humanity, and then come up with a few of our own.

Challenge me

I need you always to tell me the truth. Do not let me get away with shit. If I slip, call me out. I have seen you do it before. You manage to hit the sweet spot between firmness and kindness.

You know I’ve already had enough cruelty, and it did me no good.

So, yes, my love, be sweet to me, but not permissive. I need you to challenge me when I trespass your boundaries.

I promise to do the same for you. I need us to be honest partners, not phony enablers.

Also, keep in mind I want to see you go to all the places you belong to, just as much as I need to know the ending to all of the stories in my head. Let us be each other’s inspiration instead of the reason to be afraid of even trying.

What do you say?

There you have it, dear. That’s the answer to your question. I know this will not be it. We both will grow, change…evolve.

Let us discuss this over a steaming cup of coffee —just one for me and, as usual, too many for you. I trust you’ll let me know what you think.

Tell me, dear, what do you want?