What I Thought When I Heard These Things
The five backhanded compliments that made my skin crawl
Since I have been on this planet many a year, I have had the privilege to witness my share of backhanded compliments firsthand and up close, which continue today and are even employed by our new AI friends and foes.
And I have seen them flung at friends, colleagues, family members, and even innocent little ones who are too unsuspecting to detect them, let alone respond in kind.
But this article is not about how to respond to these disguised compliments but more about the thoughts entering my mind when I hear them.
And I will leave it up to you to decide if I dared to let the thoughts fly out of my mouth and if I really acted.
So without any further ado, I will jump right in.
- “I love how you just don’t care what anyone thinks of you.” Yeah, I guess I’m pretty secure in my own skin. And what others think is just water off a duck’s back. But wait, I have second thoughts; there’s a concealed directive here. I’m wrestling him to the ground until I get the full scoop on what others have said about me, even if this means we’ll be late for the Taylor Swift concert.
- “I always feel more intelligent after reading your work.” I’m guessing this compliment confirms my writing is stellar, and I can probably expect more compliments in the future. So I need to remind myself to keep my ego in check. Wait! Let me hold my horses for a second. I’m a writer, and he’s a writer, and I don’t write many self-help articles. I think I can put two and two together here. He thinks I need to put more flesh on the bones, and the stories probably suck in his mind. It’s only his opinion. I’m going to pay this compliment back. Then I’ll feel better. “This is exactly how I feel about your work,” I shouted.
- “You’re so charming when you make an effort.” I guess this is genetic. Mom was charming, but Dad wasn’t so much. I’m glad I picked this up from her. But why is he telling me it requires such an effort on my part to be charming? How foolish of me. He’s not complimenting me at all. He’s always been envious of my charm since 1st grade. I’m getting up in his face, letting him know I’m charming beyond measure, and he’ll never be. He has to live with this reality.
- “Your haircut makes your nose look smaller.” I guess my elective surgery for the rhinoplasty surgery scheduled next month is a no-go. It’s all about getting the right haircut. Thanks for saving me a truckload of money. My HMO doesn’t even cover the cost of a Uber ride home.
- I didn’t expect you to get the job — Congratulations! Guess what? I wasn’t expecting to get the job either. With all the free lunches and lavish gifts you showered the big guy with, I was sure you would get the job, but not based on your work ethic — that’s for sure. Have you ever put in a full day of work? I deserve this job. There’s no such thing as a free lunch here anymore. And call me “boss” from this point on, dear friend. When are you treating me to lunch?
Thank you for reading!
Is there a backhanded compliment you would like to share?
Tagging some writers who have brought laughs into my life with their entertaining articles or comments. There are plenty of other writers I enjoy reading, of course:
Deb Palmer Nour Boustani Carlo Zeno Carolyn Hastings Ray Day Lu Skerdoo Hollie Petit, Ph.D. David Perlmutter Orla K. Misbah Sheikh Kimmy Foulds TzeLin Sam John O'Neill Sherry Truitt Ella Read