What I Regret More Than Anything

Not saying “thank you” for all of the lessons you taught me in this life. Not calling to say “I love you, and I’m thinking about you” when you were gone. Not apologizing to the first person I broke up with for how I broke up with them. Not apologizing to those who have ever deserved my apology. Not doing yoga or exercise when in the moment I don’t want to. Not hugging the people I love most more. Not setting boundaries with others sooner. Not calling, texting, or checking in enough on the people I love most. Not trying enough in the things I am passionate about. Not acknowledging my own growth and achievements enough. Not paying someone back. Not having enough money to pay for someone else when it was expected I would. Not voting in enough local elections when I was old enough to vote.
Putting other people’s needs before my own in an attempt to be nicer than I really am. Extending too much of my own energy to others when I didn’t preserve enough for myself. Letting my social anxiety cripple and hinder my ability to enjoy moments. Allowing the darkness that comes with Winter to fester in my soul for too long. Trying too hard at the things I didn’t want to be trying for. Trying too hard to be accepted by the wrong people. Caring too much for the wrong people. Missing opportunities of fun or adventure by saying “no”. Believing I was better than someone. Speaking negatively about others. Pretending not to hear someone talking to me. Lying about my mental health and working more than I should. Snapping at those who did not deserve it when I was mentally struggling.
Not starting sooner. Not believing in myself. Not caring enough for you and your needs. Not caring enough for myself.
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