What I Learnt from my Insanely “beast mode” year — 2018
When one seems to be in all places, over booked, over stimulated and stressed out.. Slowing down and reflecting can be beneficial to one’s health: mental and physical.
In 2019 I had issues, let’s say: with almost everyone and everything. I believe this was the year I complained the most of my life (until now). I felt like almost everything was against or after me. Tools that used to serve me weren’t anymore.
I thought I was in a kind of nightmare where everything was just turning sour.
And what did I naturally do?
Instead of slowing down, reflecting on myself, I started looking for a bouc émissaire to blame for all my un-wellness and darkness. I became way too critical and took things (even more) personally.
Trust me the result wasn’t pretty. At least I now know where I’ll be looking next time: WITHIN.
But let’s go back in time, a year before that to see the why and how of the what.
The year 2018 was intense and fully booked: for some reasons I had the need to keep myself extra busy and intense in many areas. This is how my routine looked like:
- Full time job from 8 to 16 Monday to Friday
- Full time mum of a 2 years old
- Training/dancing 3 to 4 times a week, hiking/running once in a week, morning daily home exercises.
- Meeting friends, partying and going to gatherings here and there.
- Traveling.
- On top of all that, keeping the house going: daily routines of parents of a 2 years old, keep the house in order, cook, clean, manage tantrums…
I mean with some distance and perspective now, I just realize how unhealthy and unrealistic that was!!! (still learning my lessons)
It’s like I had the urgency to LIVE and live fully in the NOW (which is positive in essence, but only when well balanced I now understand). I was living in all places and in all fronts: at home, abroad, at work and with my friends. I mean what did I think I was? Superwoman? Well I was for sure in a bobble, a bobble I thought was unbreakable. I felt unstoppable, at the peak of my performance and wellness in almost all areas.
What I wasn’t aware of then is that I had my subconscious still dealing with past baggage, a body that was still healing from a traumatic birth process…
I guess I was still totally unconscious and immature.
From that “crazy” year resulted in 2019 some not so pretty outcomes: chronic muscular and articulations pain, feet injury and mental break down to crown the whole. I went from one of my happiest year in 2018 to “hit rock bottom” in 2019.
A heavy and painful wake up call!!!
It was then time for mandatory reflection and introspection.
What was I trying to run away from anyway? What was I trying to silence by creating all the noise? What really bothered me?!?
I had to look INSIDE.
I am still on the path to figure this out but what I came to realize in the process is that if you get to a point of your life when you have the deep need to stay over booked and running in all places.. something is calling you to pay attention. It is a sign that there’s some elements you are tying to ignore or a voice you’re trying to silence. Slow down, take it easy and listen to that call..
I wish someone had told me this in 2018 but at least I’m sharing my experience to whoever may need to read this.
But at the same time, I think I needed to go through that in order to be where I am now. Had anyone stopped me in 2018 and told that I had to “calm down” I wouldn’t have listened. I needed the pain resulting from that year to gain the maturity and awareness I got now.
Maturity is the ability to reap without apology and not complain when things don’t go well. — Jim Rohn
I did and still do my work… and I am already starting to see the light and the purpose of that painful wake up call. Slowly starting to understand the meaning of that voice I was trying so hard to silence in 2018. To be continued…
Meanwhile take good care (you know best how to take care of yourself), speak up, write it out, cry it out. Remembering that nothing in the history of humanity ever lasted forever, nothing. This too shall pass, that’s a certainty, change being the only constant.
One love.
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