What I Learned From My Stupid Comment on Medium
How an online interaction gave me a lesson in character
I love Medium! For me, it’s a place to “hang out” as a writer. It’s a townhall for writers around the world to debate ideas, share knowledge, share our experiences, and learn from one another.
It’s even a platform where we can disagree on things without losing our dignity and civility.
Notice I said we can disagree on Medium in a civil and dignified manner. That doesn’t mean we always do. And case in point was a stupid comment I myself made the other day.
The comment was actually complimentary toward the author, who shared a perspective I agreed with on a “hot-button” topic. But I was not complimentary toward the audience. I assumed the audience was antagonistic, and so I told the author — publicly — to brace for lots of pushback.
Well, I got some pushback on my comment — but not for the reasons I anticipated. Instead, the pushback I got indicated I hadn’t read the actual comments (in their entirety).
“But I did read the comments!” So I thought. Then I actually read them. And I realized what an idiot I was. Apparently I’d read one negative comment and assumed the rest followed suit.
I followed that realization up with a response to my commenter, thanking them for calling me out.
As humbling as it was, this interchange resulted in a lot of good. Below are some of the lessons learned:
Lesson #1: I can easily be part of the problem.
Oh, how good we are at decrying the lack of civility on social media! We’re experts at dissecting the breakdown of civility in our public discourse.
All well and good. But what about us?
How easily triggered do I get over stuff I read?
How easily can I (not “them over there”) fall into the “you’re-either-for-me-or-against-me” mentality?
Indeed, for each of us: how easy is it of us to see the lack “lack of civility” in everyone except ourselves?
Lesson #2: Read before I open my mouth!
We internet readers are notorious scanners. And when it comes to politics and culture, we tend to only read that which validates our pre-existing beliefs.
We don’t like to be challenged. And we especially don’t like to be” triggered.”
When we’re triggered, we rush to conclusions. In my case, that meant convicting this post’s audience on the basis of the first comment I read.
So from now on, when confronted with potentially-“triggering” material, I need to take a deep breath and read on. Then and only then do I need to comment.
Lesson #3: When I say something stupid, I need to own it.
Good for me that I went back and read the comments — if after the fact. But even after doing so, it would have been oh so easy to shrug this off and move on.
But my inner voice made it clear to me that such wasn’t an option. If I was to maintain my online integrity, I had to own up publicly to my lapse in judgment.
I can be grateful to those who correct me.
Not only did I publicly admit my stupidity. I thanked the commenter for pointing it out!
Lesson #4: The power — and importance — of “disarmament”
My admitting my mistake — and thanking the person for pointing it out — took the commenter aback. They in turn responded by admitting how easy it is for all of us (the commenter included) to rush to judgment.
In other words: acrimony was replaced by disarmament and a melting of hostility.
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