Summary

The author reflects on their grandmother's compulsive hoarding, understanding it as a coping mechanism rooted in her challenging childhood and past traumas, and finds both difficulty and unexpected connection in sorting through her extensive collection of memories and items after her passing.

Abstract

The article "What I learned From My Grandmother’s Compulsive Hoarding" delves into the personal journey of the author as they grapple with the complexities of their grandmother's hoarding disorder. Despite the struggles and conflicts caused by the excessive accumulation of objects, the author gains insight into their grandmother's life, recognizing the deep-seated fears and past traumas that contributed to her hoarding tendencies. Through the process of sorting through a lifetime of possessions, the author gains a deeper appreciation for their grandmother's experiences, including her difficult childhood and the perfectionism that made decision-making about what to keep or discard so challenging. The author acknowledges the negative impact of hoarding on their grandmother's life but also finds a sense of relief and connection with her through the stories and memories attached to her belongings.

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What I learned From My Grandmother’s Compulsive Hoarding

From well-kept memories to unwanted trash, her life was filled to the brim with objects, and I now understand why

For as long as I could possibly remember, my grandmother had always spoken to me about making sure that she preserves her legacy. Anything and everything she could keep, she would undoubtedly do so, and that often cause fights with my grandfather and even my parents.

That said, she never really got into fights with me about her hoarding tendencies, because I was always curious about all the things she had. She would tell me stories about each and every item, and her eyes would light up whenever I would make time to listen.

Her passing was hard on me but in some ways it was something of a relief as well. Hoarding was something I felt she would have been better off without.

“Hoarding often makes a home unable to be used as intended, which spirals into wrecking hoarders’ lives in other ways,” writes Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D.

That said, here are just some of the things that I learned sorting through her sea of memories after her passing.

My grandmother had a challenging childhood

In the last months before she died, my grandma was so embarrassed about letting anyone into her home that I don’t think I was allowed in even once during that time. I suppose my parents felt bad that my grandmother and I were slowly drifting apart due to her hoarding tendencies that they felt the need to talk to me about some of her childhood experiences.

I never realized how difficult things were for her. She had been abused as a child, and it was a constant struggle to maintain relationships with people, even with my grandfather. At the end of the day, I’m grateful to know more about her.

“Many hoarders are perfectionists. They fear making the wrong decision about what to keep and what to throw out, so they keep everything,” writes Therese Borchard on Everyday Health.

That fear of making the wrong decision is deeply rooted in her childhood, and it’s obvious that past traumas played a significant role in her hoarding tendencies.

My grandmother was a hoarder before my mother was born

My grandmother passed away at the ripe old age of 94, so it’s kind of difficult to imagine her keeping something from her teens locked away.

As I started to sort through all of her things, I saw that many of the items were much older than I realized. These were musky and smelled like they had been kept in storage for ages. However, there were some things there that she had when she was much younger.

Most of the things she kept locked away were almost all from her youth, including the old letters of my grandfather. Turns out she was a hoarder long before she became a parent.

My grandmother filled parts of the house to the absolute brim with old items

If my grandma had ever developed a fondness for games, I feel like she would have been Tetris grand champion. What I saw in her home surprised me, not just because of how old some of the things were, but also due to how tightly packed everything was.

Not only did she keep things from when she was younger, but she organized everything in such a way that the whole thing was honestly impressive.

Hoarding is undoubtedly a debilitating disorder, and it’s easy to see why, just from having to sort out such a mess. I’m glad that I now understand why she felt the need to keep each and everything — that was how she established control.

That said, I’m not entirely unhappy with the whole ordeal, as it helped me feel closer to my grandmother. She might not have had a very good childhood, but I hope that we were able to fill her life with enough happy moments that she experienced without regrets.