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Abstract

ing around her.</p><h2 id="3057">5. She’s Endlessly Patient</h2><p id="0ca0">The alpha woman might not be known for her patience, but the delta woman has a surplus of it. She’s not rushing through life in a hurry. She’s savoring it as she goes. The delta woman also extends this patience to others and takes interruptions to her schedule in stride.</p><p id="d267">You won’t find her pacing in a waiting room or pulling a Karen move when she doesn’t get immediate service. She’s perfectly happy to sit with her own thoughts and to wait patiently. She’s not the one who gets attention for asserting her entitlement. She’s the one you didn’t notice in a room because she was patiently waiting rather than making waves.</p><h2 id="ad83">6. She Tends Toward Low Self-Esteem</h2><p id="f969">Even though the delta woman doesn’t require outside validation, she can struggle with low self-esteem. She can be the wallflower, easily overlooked, and it can, at times, undermine her sense of self-worth. She thrives when she surrounds herself with positive, self-motivated support, but she’s susceptible to energy vampires who seek to drain her dry for their own purposes.</p><p id="5d1e">The delta female might not have the confidence of an alpha or sigma, but this doesn’t mean she thinks she has no value. Rather, she sometimes wonder if anyone else sees it. Just because she doesn’t need outside approval doesn’t mean she doesn’t long for outside appreciation.</p><h2 id="0c77">7. She Can Be Conflict-Avoidant</h2><p id="f3b0">The delta woman usually smooths down ruffled feathers with no one the wiser. She’s a natural mediator, but it’s mostly because she’s highly conflict-avoidant. Fights and arguments stress her out, so she’s adapted to avoid them.</p><p id="1c48">This makes her an effortless communicator, but when her usual bag of tricks doesn’t work, she’s unlikely to address an issue directly. She’s more likely to busy herself or to run and hide than to face a problem — or a person with a problem — head on.</p><h2 id="c1da">8. She’s a Worrier</h2><p id="92ac">The delta woman’s naturally caring personality also means that she’s an innate worrier. She thinks and over-thinks because she’s constantly anticipating — and avoiding — conflict in any form. This hypervigilance often pays off when she successfully manages tension within a group, which often reinforces her worrying nature. Even though she claims she wants to be free of the stress of worrying, she also feels like her worrying is rewarded when she thwarts conflict and achieves peace.</p><h2 id="e11d">9. She’s a Nurturer</h2><p id="bac1">You may have noticed that the delta woman in your life has strong nurturing energy. She’s the friend who will bring you soup when you’re sick or water your plants when you’re out of town. She enjoys taking care of others and feeling useful.</p><h2 id="6d77">10. She Stays Focused on Self-Improvement</h2><p id="adbb">A key trait that often goes unnoticed is that the delta woman stays focused on improving herself. She’s aware of her challenges and diligently tries to be a better human being. Sometimes, she fails. What she doesn’t do, and will never do, is stop trying.</p><p id="b4df">Don’t get this twisted. She’s not walking around flinging toxic positivity in every direction. She just looks for ways to keep improving even when it’s tough. Her bounce back after a setback is impressive indeed!</p><h2 id="d60c">11. She’s Shy</h2><p id="10b4">The wallflower delta female isn’t stuck up or judging you. She’s just shy. Her reserve can be misinterpreted. She’s genuinely friendly, but she’s often uncomfortable being the first to initiate contact or a conversation.</p><h2 id="0f40">12. She’s Slow to Commit</h2><p id="238c">The delta woman sounds like a catch, doesn’t she? She’s caring, kind, self-aware, and driven by peace. But that doesn’t mean she’ll be quick to commit. In fact, she will likely move at a snail’s pace just to be sure she’s making the right decision.</p><p id="7ce5">Her slow relationship pace could drive partners crazy, but it just means that she’s taking it seriously. She wants to make sure she can honor her commitments and that the

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relationship is the best fit for her. You can be sure of her loyalty once she finally takes the plunge, but until then, she’ll be slowly going over a pros and cons list without rushing to get to some perceived destination.</p><h2 id="71e6">13. She’s Quiet Unless She Has Something to Say</h2><p id="b9cb">The delta woman doesn’t just talk to hear the sound of her own voice. She’s quiet until she has something important to say. She usually has incredible insights to share if others will pipe down and listen. When she’s not sharing those insights, she’s more likely to fade into the background as an observer until she has something important to contribute.</p><h2 id="bf10">14. She’s Aware of Her Flaws</h2><p id="74a3">Self-awareness is certainly a key trait of the delta woman. She knows she’s not perfect. Luckily, she has no desire to be. She’s aware of each of her flaws, and she doesn’t excuse them. She accepts them even though it undermines her self-esteem at times. Because she combines this self-awareness with a growth mindset, she’s getting better every day.</p><h2 id="a515">15. She’s Loyal to Others</h2><p id="03bf">Her hesitance to commit aside, the delta woman is one of the most loving and loyal. She has a real sense of devotion to the people she loves, and she’ll do almost anything for them. Her loyalty has limits, however. She’s capable of cutting out unhealthy connections and deciding to love them from afar if necessary.</p><h2 id="4a42">16. She’s Incredibly Intelligent</h2><p id="e468">Your studious, shy, and quiet bookworm is likely a delta woman. She’s incredibly intelligent but doesn’t brag about it. She loves deep conversations over small talk, and she constantly soaks up knowledge. She’s not just book smart either. She also has the street smarts to go with it.</p><h1 id="d8cb">A Final Word about the Delta Woman</h1><p id="739e">The delta woman is quiet, smart, and caring. She sometimes worries that she’s not good enough, but that doesn’t stop her from showing up or doing her best. She’s determined to keep getting better.</p><p id="0701">Although the delta woman finds herself at a lower rung on the sociosexual scale, she’s happy just to be included. She doesn’t need to lead. She doesn’t mind following. She just wants to be included, valued, and seen — just like anyone else.</p><div id="1f58" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/to-the-emotionally-unavailable-partner-with-love-16232d9981a3"> <div> <div> <h2>To the Emotionally Unavailable Partner, With Love</h2> <div><h3>It’s time to do the thing you’re most afraid of</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*QmR0vE0MFTU_6Iaj)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="dbe6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/7-things-the-nice-guy-does-that-a-good-man-would-never-do-132f002998d"> <div> <div> <h2>7 Things the “Nice Guy” Does That a Good Man Would Never Do</h2> <div><h3>Louder for the men in the back</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*lKeBjIo0NI9ToGXz)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e435" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/21-traits-of-a-high-value-man-9c846eca76fe"> <div> <div> <h2>21 Traits of a High-Value Man</h2> <div><h3>How to recognize and appreciate the high-value men in your life.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Zsa568jOV2oJwNHs)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

What I Learned from My Biggest Rejections in Ten Years of Job Applications

Hint: They were an integral part of my career.

I wouldn’t believe that this year is almost over already, but every morning my front yard is crispy with frost and I’ve added A Charlie Brown Christmas to my listening rotation, so there you have it.

The next year in the queue is a big milestone for me. It marks 20 years since I graduated high school and left my hometown in Maryland for parts unknown.

When I finished school, I knew I wanted to draw and write stories for a living. I just had no idea how I was going to get there and an even fuzzier sense of how I was going to make a living.

Two decades later, despite my magical thinking, I’m astounded that I’m doing exactly what I always wanted to do. (Actually, in the last twenty years, I’ve done nothing but draw and write with occasional part-time work.)

My post-graduation career path basically consisted of the following cycle:

1. Hey, this art project looks like fun! 2. Dang it, I’m running out of money 3. Time to plan. Hey, this job looks financially stable! 4. Dang it, I didn’t get the job and my plan failed 5. Hey, this art project looks like fun! (Back to step 1)

These rejected job applications have been a big part of my art career.

Scattered along my path like the tombstones of dearly departed Oregon Trail party members, each passed job opportunity was a big disappointment.

Looking back, though, I’m glad I didn’t get what I wanted.

Here’s a list of my favorite job application rejections. Like manure on a field, each failure led to something good. (Bit of a crappy metaphor, but you get the point.)

2009 — Junior designer at a bunch of graphic design firms in the Washington, DC area

If I had followed the standard 4-year undergraduate plan, I would have finished with a degree in 2006. Instead, I deferred enrollment to study for a year in Germany, spent 2 years on a major at one college, and transferred to another college with a new major.

My future wife and I both graduated with BFA degrees in the dumpster fire of the 2009 economy.

Our supposed shoo-in entry-level graphic design jobs completely vanished. My cute little applications and portfolio rarely even got a “we’ll keep your information on file”.

I struggled to get a few hours part-time at the local bookstore. And in the meantime, Ashley and I got married and started freelancing together as newlyweds.

We’ve been collaborating ever since. It was the greatest career pivot we ever could have made.

2011 — Contract illustrator for several literary agencies

Our self-designed wedding invitation designs led to our first design clients. A year later, our hand-drawn design style led to illustration clients.

Within two years, we realized we wanted to be full-time illustrators. We had our sights set on hip contract jobs with companies like Target, Disney, Starbucks, and drawing for children’s books. Those jobs usually materialize through art directors contacting illustration agencies, so we started sending out inquiries.

The problem was that we had nowhere near the work experience and portfolio to get noticed.

After several unanswered applications, we realized we didn’t have a way forward besides working with what we had, mostly logos and illustrations for small businesses and selling prints of art pieces on Etsy.

We made just enough to get by. More importantly, we began to build the solid foundation of thousands of practice hours that we still stand on today.

2012 — Café worker at Pixar

This one makes me laugh.

Ashley and I are both complete Disney and Pixar nuts. Inevitably, hours of watching behind-the-scenes DVD bonus features led to checking job listings.

When this one popped up, it was completely obvious that the 6 months of part-time work in the deli section of a health food store and 4 months making cookies in a pastry kitchen was going to totally impress the hiring staff at a prestigious animation company on the opposite end of the country. Duh!

Yeah… this was a long shot.

2013 — Middle grade novel pitch to a literary agency

This one doesn’t seem so silly at first. Just wait.

I had found a really good literary agency through an illustrator friend and carefully selected the agent to whom I’d pitch my first middle grade novel. The problem is that I had only written the first chapter of the first drafr.

I didn’t do my homework on the publishing industry, so the natural next step was to send the cart about a day’s journey ahead of the horse. I didn’t realize that not only would they want to see a polished full manuscript from a debut author, but I was also unlikely to make any kind of advance anytime soon.

I’m thankful that she sent back a note with feedback to work on it some more. I finished the book, let it sit for a few months, reread it, and decided that I absolutely hated the story.

2014 — Production Assistant at Pixar

This Pixar application was even more of a long shot than the one in 2012. It grew like a weed out of the dry ground of a bank account drought after Ashley and I quit our wedding photography weekend side hustle.

I worked really hard on the application and even name-dropped a buddy who worked there as an assistant editor.

The only problem? I was applying for a film industry job at an animation company and had absolutely zero experience in film and animation. Needless to say, I did not move to San Francisco for work that year.

2019 — Graphic designer at Disney’s Yellow Shoes

This is the crown jewel of my last round of rejected job applications.

Ashley and I had decided to quit our small business of printing and selling our own stationery and art prints in favor of pursuing full-time illustration. The sales half of our income disappeared, our bank account dried up, and we got desperate again.

The job opening at Disney World’s in-house graphic design firm in Orlando popped up and it seemed like a dream come true: move down to Florida, become a Disney employee, gain a regular paycheck, spend half of it in the parks every month.

I worked really, really hard for this one. Harder than I’d ever worked to win a job. I connected on LinkedIn to everyone from Yellow Shoes that I could find, I sent self-designed postcards to the higher-ups in California, and I specifically reached out to a senior art director I knew personally.

I didn’t get the Disney job. I was kinda crushed.

After this, I got rejected on several more graphic designer applications. One of the more surprising rejections was a design position specializing in hand lettering at American Greetings, which was puzzling because for several years prior I had done freelance hand lettering work for American Greetings.

Then it hit me: I had spent so long as an illustrator that I was too far removed from my college major.

My design portfolio and skills were outdated. I was only qualified for illustration, so I faced the choice to bail out once and for all or to quit quitting and go all-in.

The one that stuck: 2020 — Contract illustrator at Astound Agency

Early in 2020, right as the COVID pandemic was starting to make its way to the South, I sent out my standard round of inquiries to potential illustration clients. I snuck in some casual applications to a couple of illustration agencies.

I didn’t expect much. When you send out cold illustration inquiry emails, it’s pretty standard to not hear anything back from most of them.

Except for this time. One high-level illustration agency wrote back and expressed interest. We sent more work examples. They offered a contract. Within a month we had a couple of new book illustration deals.

A year and over ten book jobs later, we’re only getting started with our amazing agents.

We still sweat over money every month because the compensation per job isn’t spectacular. But we have a long list of book credits and an excellent agent who’s receptive to our author-illustrator book pitches, so the future is bright.

Most importantly, we get to raise our little girls together while we work from home. And I no longer see bailing out and trying to get a “steady job” as a preferable option.

Bonus: here are three really important lessons I’ve learned from these favorite failures.

1. Get humble, bro

When I graduated from high school, I was the quintessential entitled millennial.

The Recession grabbed me by the shoulders and shook that out of me.

I emerged with big dreams intact, but also with expectations proportional to the amount of work I put in, and tempered by the reality of innate skill level and being in the right place at the right time.

2. Independence is worth it.

I learned that I value long-term creative freedom more than short-term comfort.

That means that instead of ceding control to an employer, I retain all of it. The trade off is that I don’t have an employer to absorb the stress of risk.

But I’ve learned that I’d rather live with the discomfort than give up my ability to make all the creative decisions I need to make.

3. Trust the process

Ever heard that (surprisingly positive) Kierkegaard quote about how life is meant to be understood backward but lived forward? My career has borne out that truth.

I don’t think anyone can ever truly plan for the future, but the freelance artist path particularly carries a disproportionate amount of uncertainty.

It takes a lot of faith in the process to start and maintain a career in the arts.

If you don’t trust the process, you’re less likely to take creative risks and make critical discoveries that lay beyond the rulebook horizon. As Ray Bradbury said, sometimes you have to jump off the cliff and make your wings on the way down.

I can’t say this job gets any easier with time. But if you stick with it, you’ll find that your wisdom and strength grows alongside the challenges.

Sometimes falling flat on your face is all you need for a fresh perspective.

I wouldn’t do the last twenty years any differently if I could.