What I Learned About Men as a Sex Worker

I don’t hate men. I have more compassion for men than ever. However, I’ve also seen how entitled men can be.

Everyone assumes that because I’m a sex worker, I hate men. I don’t. On the contrary, my job has enabled me to develop more compassion for men. However, I have also seen men at their worse, and in that case, I have to have very good boundaries.

Before I started sex work, I used to fear men.

Before I got into sex work, I didn’t understand men very well. I was even a little afraid of men.

I always felt like I was at the mercy of their whims. I fell in love too easily, and because I was the one who became emotionally invested, it felt like men were the ones who got to decide whether or not they liked me.

As such, I often felt used by men for sex. I was completely ignorant that there was an emotional component to male sexuality. I believed that sex was just physical for men.

Once I started doing sex work, however, men began to make themselves very vulnerable to me.

Sex can be very emotional for men — even when it’s with a sex worker.

Often I’m the only one who’s seen a particular side of a man. A man reveals an intensely personal and intimate part of himself when we have sex. Often not even his wife has seen that part of him.

Men come to feel extremely comfortable with me as a result, and so the sex becomes very emotional — for them at least.

They easily fall in love with me because they feel so understood and heard.

They say I’ve changed their lives for the better. But for me, our relationship is just business. I have no emotional investment in these men.

As you can imagine, I’ve had to be very straight with a lot of my clients.

Men go into a kind of dream state when they’re aroused. When they’re in this state, they become very vulnerable.

This is especially true because I’m not in the same state they are. And as I’m not necessarily aroused during our sessions, I’m the one who keeps a level head.

It’s in this state that men often become very attached to me.

Thus, I’ve found it’s very much a stereotype that men don’t get emotionally attached through sex, that sex is only physical for men.

Men definitely get attached. I see that now.

My submissive clients express the most vulnerability.

My submissive clients often are the ones who become the most attached.

They become completely hooked on me easily, falling in love. They declare they want to spend the rest of their lives with me.

Then they can’t stop calling me. They confused our relationship for something else.

When this happens, I’m the one who has to have very good boundaries.

I have to be very firm with these men and let them know that our relationship only goes so deep and that every time they see me, they must pay me.

As much as I provide the girlfriend experience, we’re not in a “normal” relationship.

In a sense, I take advantage of men when they’re sexually aroused by using that arousal to my advantage. When men are in this heightened state, they can often be coaxed into giving me even more money.

A lot of men even want to be manipulated in this state. They beg me to seduce them and then to demand they pay me even more money.

This type of client even wants to be “triggered.” He often asks to see me in a particular outfit or a particular sort of high heels, because when seeing me in such accouterments, he is “triggered” to give me even more money.

As a sex worker, I’ve seen just how entitled men can be.

I’ve always known that men feel entitled by their gender. Through my job as an escort, I’ve come to see exactly how this entitlement plays out.

Men sometimes think they own me. Because they’re paying me for a sexual service, they think they can boss me around and demand things. They think that because they’re paying to have sex with me, they can ask for whatever they want, and I’ll give it to them.

Even if I don’t offer a particular service, this kind of man thinks all he has to do is pay more money to get it.

It doesn’t work that way, and I refuse to session with men who treat me like I “work” for them.

This often surprises these men. They can’t believe when I tell them I don’t want to session with them again.

I often have to block their numbers so they don’t call me anymore.

Often this type of man doesn’t respect that. He just finds another way to contact me.

He contacts me again by email or gets new burner phone after new burner phone, trying to bypass my blocking methods.

He thinks it’s just about the money, that I should give him another chance. He promises large sums of money if only I’ll see him again.

But once you’ve betrayed my trust and been disrespectful, that’s it. You’re blocked.

I’d rather live without the money.

As a sex worker, I have to be the adult in the room.

Because I can’t always expect my clients to have boundaries, I have to be the one who has them.

Men can often be very childish. They call when they want. They demand to see me only when it’s convenient for them. They want me to be available 24–7, all through the night and early in the morning, because that’s when their dicks are hard.

They’re impulsive because of that dream state they get into when they’re aroused.

In other words, they’re not thinking rationally when they’re turned on.

And that’s when they get selfish.

However if a man shows that he can’t play by my rules, I won’t deal with him.

Men act like idiots for a million reasons, and it has nothing to do with me.

Some of my clients resent me.

Some of my clients resent feminine power in general. They also resent that, as a sex worker, I make so much money from a job that seems so easy to them.

For these men, sex means nothing — it’s just a “pump and dump.”

So it angers them that sex workers like myself charge the rates I do. These men never take into consideration that with every meeting, even when I’ve vetted a client, there are risks.

Sex work is hard on a woman’s body. It’s just more biologically risky for a woman to have sex with a man.

I’m the one accepting a penis inside of me. And men are physically more powerful than I am.

But still, men become resentful because they believe I should be horny for sex and not charge for it. Well, I don’t necessarily want to fuck every man. So if a client wants to have sex with me, he has to pay for it.

I’m sure this is the same for male sex workers. They also want to be paid for their work.

The problem is some clients expect sex for free. They don’t understand that they didn’t meet me on a dating website. They met me on an escort website.

Ultimately, I believe that my sex-work world reflects the world in general but on a smaller and more intense scale.

There are good men and there are bad men in this world. Through sex work, I’ve gained a greater understanding of this.

I have compassion for men when they deserve it, and good boundaries with men when they don’t.