What I learned (About America?) from Touring a Very Expensive Pre-School

I shouldn’t have been surprised but still…

This week, I attended an open house at a local K-12 “hippie” private school that I would love my two-year-old daughter to attend next year. If God sends me a lot of money or a scholarship that is.

The school’s beliefs are the closest I could find to Scandinavian education, which I’m a big fan of, thanks to my Danish husband. Yet it comes with a hefty price tag of roughly $30,000/year. It’s a lot but typical in our neighborhood

Surely, Los Angeles is not America. And yes, I know we should move to a cheaper city. But with two older kids in an outstanding public school district, we get three educations for the price of one, or so we tell ourselves.

So here’s what I re-learned about (white and liberal) America on a cringe-worthy tour of a private school.

People don’t talk about money

As we sat down in a circle for the question-and-answer session, I had only one inquiry on my mind: how can we afford this?

Surprisingly, no one else seemed to be bothered. Was I the only person interested in scholarships, I wondered, as other parents inquired about conflict resolution and the daily schedule?

The more I listened the more embarrassed I was to bring up the money. It was quite possible our family was the “poorest” in the room, after all. I patiently waited for my turn to speak to an admissions advisor in private to discuss financing options.

Why is money talk so often a taboo in America?

From hiding tuition fees on schools’ websites (or even worse, being asked to contact the school to “find out more”) to the pressure to “look rich,” we got finances all screwed up.

I need whiter teeth

As other parents started to speak, I realized that my “pretty good” teeth were, in fact, nowhere as white as they could be. At least, I thought, this being a school with a “hippie” reputation, moms didn’t parade the lip and breast enhancements so popular on the west side of Los Angeles.

By the end of the tour, in my effort to play by the rules, I firmly committed to trying out one of the at-home teeth whitening methods. I figured I can always stain them back with good coffee and wine when I return to Europe.

American parents will pay big money for what Europeans get for (almost) free

I don’t mean to sound bitter when I say this, but for the whole duration of the tour, I couldn’t help but think that American parents are getting ripped off and they don’t even know it.

What I was seeing and hearing was lovely and special, but it was also a given in early childhood education in many European countries, especially in my husband’s native Scandinavia. All for little or no cost to parents, thanks to government subsidies.

Outdoor play in any weather — a must.

Preparing lunches at school, with or without kids — a given.

None or very little homework until the First Grade — a norm.

Play-based preschools and kindergartens — of course.

Equal access for all children — absolutely.

Whether it’s contactless payments or goat milk, we in America do catch on to the European trends eventually.

Can child and outdoors-centered and government-subsidized early childhood education be the next big trend? I sure hope so.

Dads are very involved these days

I was surprised when I was the only person at the open house to show up without a husband.

He had to stay home with the baby since the kids were not welcome during the tour. Frankly, he had no interest in coming either. Partially, because he knows I’ll make the right choice and, partially, because it’s his third kid. After the first one, he explained, you loosen up a bit.

I tried to make a joke to the only other single parent at the meeting (dad, of course) but he seemed even more uncomfortable than me. Later, I found out he just moved to the neighborhood from New York and was, probably, experiencing culture shock.

I’m all for involved dads. In fact, in our house, it’s a given, since my husband is from Scandinavia where egalitarianism is the way of life.

Yet when I had to explain his absence, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was too much to expect both parents to take time from work to stand in a circle and sing songs about fairies (yes, we did that).

Perhaps, it’s because my husband and I are both equally involved in our daughter’s upbringing (even if in different ways), but I didn’t feel the need to put him through an hour of forced socializing just to show how modern we are.

I bet the couple who were kissing and holding hands during the tour would disagree.

$30,000/year won’t buy you a school lunch

While the school I toured makes lovely efforts to cook with the kids a couple of times a week and care for the vegetable garden, I was surprised to find out that $30,000/a year still doesn’t buy you lunch. It does buy you organic snacks though, but the rest is on the parents to bring.

I was surprised but not really, as culinary education doesn’t seem to exist in U.S. schools, reflecting the countries’ general attitude toward food.

All in all, the school was great and the surprises weren’t surprises after all. Still, I couldn’t help but compare it to the same “hippie” school we toured in London (this time, with my husband). But that’s a story for another day.

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