What I Gave Up To Become a Successful Writer

Summary

A writer shares their journey of achieving success in their 40s by prioritizing writing over other activities, leveraging personal experiences, and maintaining persistence.

Abstract

The writer, who began writing a bi-monthly column at age 47, details their path to a successful writing career, emphasizing the importance of priority-setting and perseverance. Success came with a viral article in 2014, followed by a full-time writing position in politics, and culminating in notable works for a podcast, the New York Times, and an upcoming book. Key to their success was the newfound time as their children grew independent, strategic social interactions, reduced emotional labor, and a daily writing habit. The writer advocates for focusing energy, practicing the craft, persisting through challenges, and finding mentorship as essential steps for success in writing or any new venture.

Opinions

The writer believes that success in writing requires sacrificing time-consuming activities and relationships that do not support one's career goals.
They suggest that a successful writing career can coexist with parenting, but the latter may necessitate a narrower focus on career priorities.
The writer values the role of mentorship and support from others in achieving success.
They emphasize the importance of a consistent writing practice, likening it to a daily essential such as brushing teeth.
The writer implies that persistence, even in the face of personal tragedies and setbacks, is crucial for improvement and standing out in the field.
They highlight the concept of emotional labor, particularly as it relates to women, and its impact on one's ability to focus on personal goals.
The writer expresses that success is not immediate and requires a long-term commitment to one's craft.

What I Gave Up To Become a Successful Writer

Nine years ago, at the age of 47, the editor of my hometown community paper offered to let me write a bi-monthly column. It marked the start of what would be an improbable journey to a successful writing career.

Success didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t until 2014, that I had a piece of writing go viral. Then, in 2015, I leveraged my experience writing about politics to secure a full-time writing position for an elections software company. In 2017, I wrote a podcast and pitched an accompanying story to the New York Times that resulted in a film and book deal. Most recently I was awarded a fellowship by USC’s Annenberg Center for Health Journalism. And next year my first book, Fury: Women’s Lived Experiences During the Trump Era will be released.

By priority-setting I mean that in order to be successful, I needed to give up a lot of the activities that had previously occupied most of my time.

I mention these stepping stones to success not to toot my horn, rather as an abject lesson in priority-setting and perseverance.

By priority-setting I mean that in order to be successful, I needed to give up a lot of the activities that had previously occupied most of my time. Conveniently, my biggest time suck — my children — flew the coop allowing me the time to pursue new endeavors. This is not to say that parenting and a successful career are mutually exclusive, only that as the more involved parent of two boys (one chronically ill), my priorities were, by necessity, more narrowly focused than they are now.

I went so far as to “break up” with a few friends who weren’t sourcing the career goals I had set for myself.

Second, I spent less time socializing. I cut way back on the time I spent on social media; almost never spoke to anyone by phone preferring instead texting which allows me to communicate according to my own schedule; and I stopped engaging in idle gossip. In fact, I went so far as to “break up” with a few friends who weren’t sourcing the career goals I had set for myself.

Third, I stopped doing the emotional labor in my relationships. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, emotional labor is the unpaid invisible work that (typically) women do to keep those around us comfortable and happy. It’s called “emotional labor” because it ends up using — and often draining — our emotional resources.

Examples of emotional labor in my life included:

Listening to friends offload their problems

Reminding my husband of birthdays and buying gifts for his friends and relatives

Helping my adult sons solve minor problems having to do with their cars, work, relationships, etc.

Letting others “pick my brain” with no pay or reciprocation

Taking part in “heart to hearts,” “girls’ nights,” and other emotionally intensive occasions that I may or may not have the energy for or interest in

Listening when men explain things to me that I already knew as much (or more) about as they do

Spending time polishing my appearance to conform to societal expectations of women

Keeping my home spotlessly clean, thinking about ‘what’s for dinner,’ and preparing for and entertaining house guests.

“Remember, the universe rewards persistence.”

Finally, the secret sauce of my hard-won success was stick-to-itness. Years ago when I would drop my boys off at school, my parting words to them each and every day were, “Remember, the universe rewards persistence.” However, when it came to my own pursuits, I wasn’t good at following this advice. That is until I was presented with the opportunity to write a regular column. The gig required me to write at least twice a month, a habit that eventually morphed into a daily writing practice. I’m now at the point where if I haven’t written on any given day it feels like the equivalent of forgetting to brush my teeth. Even when I’ve had setbacks, including losing my job and personal tragedies, I’ve found the time to write nearly every day. This persistence has not only made me better at my craft, but has also raised my ranking as my earlier competitors either changed course or simply gave up.

My advice for anyone — age 17 to 97 — looking to succeed at writing, or in a new career or venture is this: 1) focus your energies, 2) practice your craft, 3) persist, and 4) find a person who believes in your potential and is kind enough to pave the way.