Prompt KTHT: Prescription for doubt
What I Do When I’m in Doubt
My story of obi divination
Write a prescription for doubt, Diana C. prompted. And I decided to write an essay of what I do when I´m in doubt. I say my method is a brilliant one. But it’s a rather alternative method. I could even say it’s a radical method.
I do divination. Four little pieces of dark wood with white shells on one side. The wood sides represent darkness. The shell sides represent light. In Yoruba — the cultural tradition where this type of divination come from — these little wood pieces with white shells on are called: Obis.
The combination of four obis with two sides allow for five varieties of answers: All dark wood: Full no. Three wood and one shell: No. Four shells: Yes, but the path is fickle, there is too much light. Three shells and one wood: Maybe, throw again.
Two wood and two shells: Perfect balance of dark and light — Yes!
When I was introduced to this method of divination five years ago, I felt initally very sceptic. How can one make choices based on shells falling on the ground? Then I looked at my life, which at that point was the depressing result of a long series of bad choices, one after another, the one choice worse than the previous one. I was already aware of this. I knew I had to learn to make better choices for myself. I had just not known how, before now.
Four little shells practically landed in my hand, and I wondered what to do.
Should I trust Existence? Should I leave it up to her to choose? Could I simply give up my attachment to making choices with my mind?
I decided to go with my rationality. I had tested out one method: to make my own choices, and I had proof that this method hadn’t worked for me. So, I could just as well test out a different way to flow.
I decided I would give the shells 6 months, as an experiment. To see if the answers they gave me resonated, and if they could point out some new and more refreshing directions for my life.
From that moment, I stopped doubting myself. I simply threw my shells. Yes; I do it. No; I don’t. Maybe; I will give it some time before I throw again.
My life, that before had seemed to be but a series of messy choices, suddenly became much… simpler. And also more harmonic in a way. I went from throwing the shells to decide my dinner, to allowing them to make my travel plans, to check in before I went on dates, to asking them when I felt in doubt of what was going on inside me. On one occasion, I even sold my apartment based on the shells.
That was radical. But you see, after I had been practicing with the obis for a while, allowing them to guide my decisions started feeling safer to me than just… choosing. Because on what ground would I decide to sell or keep my apartment, anyway?
These little shells have saved me so much agony. Yes, I do it. No, I don’t. At a point I stopped wondering if the shells gave me the “right” answer or not anymore. I realized that my happiness in most cases anyway is way less about the choices I make, and much more about me trusting my decisions after I have made them. The obis have assited me in letting go of huge chunk of doubt and regret. I have left the burden of my choices to… Destiny? Coincidence? Luck? Gravity?
I still use my shells. Not to decide my dinner plans any more. But I take them up when I’m ready to make bigger life decisions. Having years of experience now with this method of choosing, I’ve made a wow that when I don’t know what to do, I will allow my shells to decide. That wow has paved the way for a beautiful relief in my life. The shells have actually been one of THE greatest tools I’ve ever used to relax my egoic mind. When I use them, I accept — and take the consequences of — that I am not fully in control of this my life.
What IS entirely up to me though; is how I dance with the opportunities my choices do create. Leaving my decisions to forces greater than my conscious mind can fathom, it dont make sense to me spending time second-guessing myself anymore.
My choice is made. And I am free to focus on my NOW.
