What Healthy Love Looks Like

OK, you’ve met someone and done the dating thing for a while… You think that you are ready to take your relationship to the next level now. Before you take the next steps, take a step back and assess whether or not the relationship you have with your significant other is healthy.

There are few things in life worse than settling down with someone only to find out later that the relationship isn’t going to work and now you need to start over again. It can be earth shattering. Having a healthy relationship obviously doesn’t guarantee it will be successful and last a lifetime, but it definitely increases the odds.

In my personal opinion, healthy love has 10 identifiable traits. It can take work to develop all of them and create a healthy relationship, but when both partners take the time out of their busy schedules to put in the work it is more than worth it in the long-run.

Respect

This one is kind of a no brainer. If your partner doesn’t respect you, run far far away. Respect should even be present during a disagreement. i.e. no name calling, blaming or shaming.

Acceptance

This occurs when you accept your partner for who they are. Flaws and all. If you are with someone who tries to change any aspect of you, they are not accepting of you.

There is a distinct difference between encouraging growth in your partner, and trying to outright change them. If your partner says something like “you talk too much”, they are trying to change you.

Trust

This means far more than just knowing that your partner won’t cheat on you. You should feel mentally, emotionally and physically safe with your partner. Knowing that your partner won’t do anything to intentionally endanger you in any way is definitely important.

Effort

When your partner goes out of their way to show you love, affection, consideration, attention and support, they are putting the effort forth to show you how important you are to them. I’m not saying that they have to dote on you every second of every day, because that would get old pretty quickly, but there needs to be some effort exerted to make you feel wanted and loved.

Balance

In healthy relationships, there needs to be a balance of power. Both parties must be created equal. When one partner is “in charge” it is only a matter of time before resentment starts to fester in the other partner.

Freedom

This should go without saying, but we need to be free to be individuals who have the freedom to come and go.

If your partner is restricting your freedom or isolating you from the people that you enjoy spending time with like family or friends, this is a HUGE red flag that should never be ignored. This restriction/isolation can show up in the form of making you feel guilty, talking badly about your friends/family members, or outright telling you that you aren’t “allowed” to go.

Communication

Ever heard the saying “communication is key”? In a healthy relationship, this is so true. You need to be able to freely communicate your wants, needs, feelings and boundaries with your partner without it turning into an argument, and not expect your partner to read your mind.

Unity

This happens when there is an overall shift from me to we. Two whole people who come together to support each others journey and encourage growth while creating one shared experience.

Empathy

Being present and aware of your partners emotions, perspective and how they feel in general. This also ties into the earlier point made about communication. When there is open and healthy communication in your relationship it is much easier to maintain empathy for each other.

Remorse

When a mistake is made, a boundary crossed, or respect is broken a genuine apology should always be made and meant. It is up to you to forgive and let go of the transgression (provided it is not a grievous one like infidelity or abuse) and not hold it against your partner indefinitely or bring it up later to throw it in their face.

This may not be an exhaustive list of healthy relationship traits, but to me these are the most important ones. As I mentioned earlier on, it may well take work to develop them and incorporate them into your relationship, but when both parties abide by them it provides all of the ingredients for a happy, healthy and loving partnership.

Are there any other traits that you would add to this list? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

Originally published at http://kristenabram.com on July 31, 2020.

Kristen is not only a certified master life coach, but is also a freelance writer specializing in personal development. Check out her freelancing profile here