Summary

Autistic children grow up to be autistic adults, who navigate life with unique challenges and strengths, often unrecognized by society.

Abstract

The article discusses the reality of autistic adults, who are frequently overlooked or misunderstood in society. It emphasizes that autistic children mature into autistic adults, who are present in various aspects of everyday life, from the post office to the workplace. Many autistic adults are unaware of their neurodiversity, having lived for years without an autism diagnosis, instead attributing their differences to "quirks." The narrative highlights the diverse experiences of autistic adults in relationships, parenting, employment, and home life, noting both the challenges faced and the accommodations made to create autism-friendly environments. The article also touches on the importance of routine, the need for alone time, and the misconception that all autistic individuals fear public speaking or are unable to live independently. It concludes with an invitation for autistic adults to share their experiences and encourages readers to support the author by becoming a Medium member.

Opinions

The author challenges the stereotypical image of autism, which is often associated with children, particularly boys.
Autistic adults may turn some of their "quirks" into assets, although others remain challenges.
The world is not designed with autistic people in mind, which presents daily obstacles for them.
Autistic adults have varying desires and experiences with relationships and marriage, with some facing difficulties due to social awkwardness.
Employment is a significant challenge for many autistic adults, despite a range of career paths, from technical fields to the arts.
Autistic adults often create living spaces that accommodate their sensory needs, such as soft lighting and carpeting to absorb noise.
The autistic community is diverse in their lifestyles, with many living independently, driving, and engaging in typical adult responsibilities.
The author suggests that autistic adults lead lives similar to neurotypical individuals, with adaptations to suit their needs and preferences.
There is a call to action for more recognition and support for autistic adults, emphasizing the value of their contributions to society.

What Happens To Autistic Children?

We become autistic adults — camouflaged all around you.

Say the word “autistic” in your head — or out loud. (It’s okay, you can talk to yourself — I won’t tell.)

Did your mind automatically conjure up an image of a generic little boy?

Mine did, too.

And I’m an autistic adult.

Stereotypes become strong and run deep.

Autistic children become autistic adults. The man standing in line behind you at the post office just might be autistic. So might the woman working in the office cubicle next to yours (although that’s not quite as likely, because…cubicles. Ugh).

Many of us don’t even have a clue that we’re autistic. I know I didn’t. For the first 38 years of my life, I lived as a neurotypical (non-autistic) person. People around me knew I was different, but everybody chalked it up to “quirks” and individuality. Nobody ever considered autism.

Earlier in life, my “quirks” were a collective liability. I’ve been able to convert some to assets and play them up. Others are still liabilities.

My adulthood is probably not so different from yours. I experience it through an autistic filter, which adds its own challenges because the world is not built for autistic people. We didn’t have a say in How Things Are. But at the end of the day, many of the same components are there.

Autistic Adults and Relationships

Some of us don’t want to get married or even enter into a relationship. However, most of the autistic people I’ve known have. Many of us are in marriages or other long-term partnerships. Sometimes our partners are normal, healthy people, and sometimes they’re abusive and personality-disordered.

Dating and meeting partners can be more challenging, simply due to the social awkwardness that many autistic people experience. One reason I delayed leaving my abusive husband was that I didn’t want to jump back into the dating pool. (Don’t worry; I’ve left him, the divorce is in progress, and I’m not jumping into any dating pool.)

Many of us have friends, both on- and off-line. We get together for coffee or game night. Most of us prefer smaller groups with more familiar people in quieter venues, but some of us have taken part in activities like speed-dating. Making friends is tougher for me, though.

More of us choose not to have children, but many of us do. From what I’ve observed, we make decent parents and raise healthy children — at least, no less so than non-autistic parents.

Autistic Adults and Work

Employment can be a sticking point for many autistic people. I know that the majority of us struggle with finding and maintaining work, although the statistics may have begun to improve.

Most of the autistic adults I know are employed, many of them full-time. Not all of them work in IT or engineering. Many do work in technical fields, but others have ventured into more artistic professions such as the culinary field. I’ve worked for employers, and I’ve usually struggled with the W2/W4 lifestyle. I’ve been self-employed for almost 18 years, and I often struggle with that, too, but I can handle those struggles a bit more easily.

Autistic Adults and Home Life

I didn’t realize it, but throughout the years I have constructed a home atmosphere that was automatically autism-friendly. Lighting was ambient and soothing. Carpeting blanketed all floors except the kitchen and bathroom, in order to soak up noise. Color schemes were kept neutral and psychologically correct.

My home life has a fairly well-established routine. It’s not a rut; I’m satisfied with it and happy in general. I tend to stay home a lot. The COVID-19 lockdowns didn’t make much difference in my general lifestyle except for not being able to eat inside restaurants or visit bookstores.

I can entertain myself for hours at home, and I do need my Alone Time. However, I also like sharing activities with my roommate. (He is autistic, too, but we’re very different.) We share common tastes and activities, just like any other household member. As a general rule, I must be conscious of how much Shared Activity Time I’ve engaged in, versus my Alone Time.

Autistic Adults and Life In General

Here are a few other tidbits…

Most autistic people I’ve known live independently, in “regular” housing.
Some of us are even caretakers of others.
Most of us drive (my experience in the US).
We make our to-do lists, schedule reminders, run errands, and balance our bank accounts just like anyone else.
We often go to college.
Some of us hold advanced degrees and obtain occupational licenses in our chosen fields.
Not all of us have a fear of public speaking.
We’re still at risk for meltdowns, particularly if we’re frustrated, overwhelmed, fatigued, or otherwise triggered.
Many of us are fairly healthy and health-conscious, eating well and working out. However, some of us are totally not.
I still like Legos and Tetris.

If you are an autistic adult, what has been your experience? Feel free to share in the comments!

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