What Happened When I Went to America?

I created a new self different from my earlier self but actually, both existed.

I grew up in a conservative society in India where there were various restrictions related to dating, etc. But as is the case with most things it had a positive side too. The family bonds in India are pretty strong. You actually will never miss attending the marriage of even your cousins or other distant relatives. That’s how connected you are.

Culture shock

When I went to the US for the first time I encountered what some people call a culture shock. Most people in the US are pretty independent. They are a bit detached from their family as compared to the Indians but are quite free to fulfill the emptiness arising out of it by dating whomever they want.

Actually, you are pretty free to approach a person of the opposite sex and have a great love life. There are several other differences as well. A person need not inhibit their various desires and there is less moral policing. As a result, people living in America tend to have a better sense of well-being till they have an active life.

The lack of interdependence makes the life of people in America quite tough when they reach old age or have other medical conditions that render them dependent on others. In India people normally have a great life even when they grow old as they are very well supported by their children with many of them staying with them and enjoying the company of grandchildren.

Creating a new self

When I went to the US for studies, I was in my mid-twenties i.e. I was in my prime. I enjoyed the independent lifestyle and did let go of a lot of my inhibitions. I felt a great sense of well-being. But is this creation of the new self so easy? I personally do not think so.

My subconscious mind was programmed in a conservative society where there were various beliefs that there formulated that didn’t coincide with those of the US culture. Thus, I developed a form of split personality. On one hand, I was progressive but on the other hand, I held beliefs that were restrictive.

Most of the people who go to the US create a new self on top of their existing self and that I believe is not a full transformation. Any stimulus is not just processed by the new self but it can go to the previous self that will respond in a different manner.

Example: Growing up in a conservative society, I held a belief that physical relationships are admissible only within marriage. But in the US, I created a new self that was open to having physical relationships outside of marriage. This new self would not take offense when any US friends have relationships outside of marriage but when I used to see an Indian member getting involved it acted as a stimulus that would trigger my earlier held conservative belief and I would feel uncomfortable.

How to be one person?

It requires quite a lot of inner work to be one person. One can be a part of the US society and yet be detached from it. The split personality would even create a hindrance in gelling well with his own country people as well.

It is only when one evaluates his various beliefs and works upon them that he can expect to be one person who will be confident and not have any split personality syndrome. Catharsis and refinement of the inner child go a long way in accomplishing this task.

Example: As far as my beliefs that physical relationships are admissible only within the purview of the marriage, I applied the process of catharsis to remove the emotional charge associated with incidents from my earlier part of life where people were reprimanded or hurt for doing so. I then used the broader perspective I gained by observing the US society that such acts do not destabilize the society. I then worked on my inner child to make it internalize the new belief thus paving way for a complete transformation as far as this particular issue is concerned.

People who do not work upon their previous self by using the technique of catharsis and refinement of the inner child will be victims of being a person with a split personality. On one hand, their new self will agree with the US values but their old self will resist them.

Analogy to software

Consider software that is developed using a particular technology for quite some years. This software has quite some features and is used by a vast majority of people. This is analogous to me getting programmed in a conservative society and being able to function based on it.

Later the architects of the software decided to move to a new technology that gives more power and control. This shift in technology cannot overhaul the software unless and until the earlier software is reprogrammed. Using the new technology to create new features is good but complete transformation can only be achieved when the old software too is reworked upon.

Conclusion

Moving to America does give a good feeling as many of the subconscious fears are not relevant in American society. A lot of fears that one has in a conservative society simply disappear when one moves to America giving him a sense of well-being. But alas this transformation is incomplete without the person working upon his earlier self. Catharsis and refinement of the inner child go a long way in creating a person that does not have a split personality syndrome. It is only then can the person really be just one person and reap the benefits that America has to offer.