TIME TO WALK AWAY
The Glorious Freedom in Quitting
In a world that values persistence, I got ahead by tapping out
I jogged around the parking lot in my suit with the sun beating down on me. My eyes burned from sweat running down my head and over my brows. I’d been exercising most of the morning, and my suit was soaked. It didn’t help that the temperature was dangerously high.
I was 22 years old, and it was my first day at a live-in law enforcement academy.
What had begun as a group of 46 people just a few hours ago was now down to 43. Three had quit training before lunchtime. In the days that followed, 13 would call it quits.
That was the goal of the instructors — to make you quit.
They were ruthlessly efficient. They sniffed out any weakness you had and exploited it. If you lacked fitness, you ran further than the rest of the group. Those who struggle to lead immediately receive leadership roles. They created the maximum amount of stress possible and applied it constantly.
The Quitters
I looked down on those people who quit. How could they give up so easily? Many had spent a year getting hired for the job they had just left. Fortunately, I’d go on to graduate after six months.
I was proud of having survived my time with those instructors and was even more proud to walk across a stage to have my badge pinned on. The lesson I learned there was that you never quit anything. Quitting was the ultimate sign of weakness.
The Work
I found that I had a passion for the work.
I was addicted to the feeling that what I did made a difference in people’s lives. Not to mention, it was unpredictable, which made it exciting. Those feelings lasted for almost a decade.
I worked in patrol for a few years. Eventually, I worked my way to becoming an investigator. In that role, I’d also hunt for wanted criminals, focusing on street gangs. I had a few promotions, and everything was going as expected.
Only it wasn’t.
The Hard Lesson
As the hours slowly increased, my passion for the job decreased. But it wasn’t just the hours. Something inside changes when you spend most of your waking hours navigating the darker side of humanity. In the beginning, you’re in awe of that dark side. The awe fades, and eventually, it leaves you empty. You lose hope in people, and the darkness eventually consumes you.
I’d stumble in that darkness for a while, unsure what to do. I knew I needed change, but I sensed that the change I needed would be drastic. I realized that I needed to do the unthinkable — quit.
Maybe I was wrong about quitting. Maybe those people I looked down upon for leaving the academy weren’t weak. What if they knew that they had gotten into something that wasn’t right for them? They realized they needed to pivot. I had pushed ahead, convinced that I was better than them. But I wasn’t better; I was just more stubborn.
I Quit
I eventually built up the courage to quit my career.
It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I was starting over at 35 years old. There is freedom in choosing to walk away on your terms. Sure, I could have stuck with it until I retired. There may have been some satisfaction in that.
It may have been one of the best decisions I’ve made, but it was also one of the hardest.
I was ten years away from a full retirement. I had coworkers let me know they thought I was making a mistake. I’d be “starting over”. They meant well.
But here’s the thing — their values weren’t my values, and their goals were not my goals. I’m not saying to ignore the opinions of others when considering a significant life change, but know you are the only one qualified to make critical decisions in your life.
The cost of staying in that profession would have been higher than I was willing to pay. The work had taken a toll on me, and I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I wasn’t living the life I wanted. Even worse was the thought of doing it for another ten years until I could retire.
Since then, I’ve quit a lot of other things. I quit worrying about the opinions of people who are not central to my life. The opinion of my family matters, but not much else.
I quit saying yes to anything that didn’t align with my goals. From food to social events, if it isn’t a fit for me, I have no use for it. In the same way work meetings would drain my time and energy — social events had the same effect on my personal life.
I quit trading the bulk of my waking hours for money. I let work take 50 to 60 hours from me every week. With many of those hours being overnight, it wore me down even outside of work.
Quitting has helped me to feel better than I have in years.
Final Thoughts
With all this talk of quitting, persistence still has a place in my life. I’m just far more selective where I apply it. Being a good spouse or father requires me to show up daily and give my best.
Those are the areas where I redirect my focus and my persistence. Every day spent in an environment that drains you is a day that is stolen from you.
To start living the life I wanted, I had to embrace the freedom of quitting.
I’m Joshua Mason, and I appreciate you reading this. If you enjoyed it, I’d love to have you subscribe.