Summary

The website content discusses the importance of following one's own dreams rather than living out someone else's aspirations, emphasizing the persistence of personal dreams and the journey to embracing them despite challenges.

Abstract

The article "What Dreams Do You Need to Follow?" delves into the author's personal experience of initially pursuing a career in elementary school teaching, which was her mother's unfulfilled dream. Over time, the author realized she had suppressed her own aspirations, which included becoming a jazz musician, oceanographer, and writer, among others. She faced discouragement and ridicule when expressing her dreams, leading her to protect her passion for writing by keeping it secret. The article highlights the resilience of dreams, suggesting they are a reflection of one's true self and can manifest through various aspects of life. It also addresses the common phenomenon of parents projecting their unfulfilled dreams onto their children and encourages individuals to recognize and act upon their own dreams, regardless of age or circumstance. The author, Carolyn Riker, inspires readers to live authentically and embrace their dreams, suggesting that even small steps towards one's dreams can make a significant difference.

Opinions

The author believes that dreams are tenacious and have a way of making themselves known, whether through daydreams or night dreams.
She expresses that dreams are symbolic and represent our deeper selves, suggesting they are a form of communication from our souls.
The article conveys the idea that not following one's dreams can lead to projecting those dreams onto others, such as children, which may prevent them from pursuing their own paths.
The author emphasizes the strength and resilience required to pursue one's dreams in the face of hardships and self-doubt, referencing a quote by C. JoyBell C. on the measure of a woman's strength.
She encourages self-reflection on which dreams are truly one's own and which may belong to someone else, advocating for the importance of letting go of others' dreams to become one's own dream.
The author cites Dr. Carl G. Jung and Joseph Campbell to reinforce the idea that one's identity and choices are not defined by past events but by personal decisions and the pursuit of one's dreams.

What Dreams Do You Need to Follow?

Start by following your dreams and not someone else’s

Well over 30 years ago, I went to college to become an elementary school teacher. The irony is this was my mother’s dream. She wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. However, many circumstances prevented her, namely sexism. She was told,

“Girls don’t go to college. They go to secretarial school and most importantly they get married.”

Decades later I realized I was living my mother’s dream. I still am in her mind.

For the last 30 plus years, I’ve heard, “If you only you stayed a kindergarten teacher [all would be well].”

I’ve tried to return her dream to her, but she won’t carry it or maybe she can’t. Perhaps the weight of her disappointment of fulfilling her dream is too great. And so, I indirectly let her know her dream is safe with me.

I had dreams of my own.

While I enjoyed being a teacher, I had dreams of my own. I wanted to be a jazz musician, an oceanographer, a marine biologist, a music therapist, a modern dancer, and a writer. I wanted to travel and meet new people.

When I voiced my dreams, each one was pushed aside with a strong ‘no’ or worse ridiculed. I rarely shared the writer part because it felt so real and tender to me. And the criticisms about my ‘crazy’ stories and adventures were too harsh and I’d be crushed for days and weeks. So, I learned to protect my writing and kept it a secret as I wrote stories and poetry.

Thankfully my imagination befriended me. It still does.

Needless to say, when I was told, you must be an elementary school teacher, I did because by 17, I was exhausted fighting for myself. My wishes and dreams were so flat, I couldn’t see them anymore.

Fortunately, dreams are delightfully persistent and I unconsciously discovered ways to incorporate writing and music and science into my curriculum during those four precious years at college.

It took me another eight years before I got my courage up to switch majors and attend graduate school to became a licensed psychotherapist. And nearly another 20 years to share my writing with others.

Whose dream are we following?

How many times have I heard a parent say, “I sure hope my child becomes a doctor, writer, linguistic, teacher...”

Or, “how I wish I became or did something else with my life.”

Which leads me to ask you, dear reader, “What if you could start all over again. What would you be or do?”

Are we following our dreams? Or are we placing our dreams onto others because we feel we can’t go any further with our own dreams?

How our dreams follow us.

I believe dreams are tenacious and wild and beautiful. They have a force and energy above and behind to get our attention.

We wear our dreams in our words and actions. By day we daydream and by night we have nightdreams that scour our psyche while we rest.

Dreams are symbolic and a signal of our true and deeper self.

Dreams are alive and propagate readily as soon as we recognize they are a construct from our soul. We are led by our dreams through an incredible inner river of synchronicities as soon as we start to notice them.

But what if we don’t follow our dreams?

I believe that’s part of passing our dreams onto someone else.

Here, carry this dream for me because I can’t. It’s too big. It’s too scary. You can do it better than me. Circumstances prevent me from living my dream. I don’t have the emotional support. I don’t believe in myself.

Then I am reminded of a quote by C. JoyBell C.,

“The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.”

It is truly difficult and at the same time we can’t let our internalized voices debilitate our dreams. Even if we feel we are too old, too young, not good enough, too fat, too thin, too much, not enough or a dozen other excuses.

How can we live a little part of our dream?
What ways can we loosen the restrictions and lift our self-doubt?

Where and who can support us? Is it a teacher? A mentor? A therapist or a coach? Is it a friend? Is it a tree? The sky? Is it the voice of the ocean?

In my daydream, I asked Dr. Carl G. Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst and he replied,

“You are not what happened to you, you are what you choose to become.”

What dreams do you have that need to be brought to life?

And what dreams are not yours but someone else’s that you need to let go so you can become your dream.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell

Let’s start right now and follow our dreams even a little bit can make a difference.

Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist and author of three books of poetry and prose. Her latest is My Dear, Love Hasn’t Forgotten You. If you’d like, follow her on Facebook at Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC or Instagram.