What Does Watching Your Thoughts Actually Mean?

Introducing thought number one

It’s a common trope for new meditators. They walk into a meditation class or fire up a guided meditation, and they hear something like this:

“Close your eyes, breath deeply, watch your thoughts as they move through your mind without grasping.”

But what the heck does this mean? As idyllic as it sounds, thoughts don’t move through the mind. There’s no place to watch them from. And even if there was, thoughts don’t look like anything. Frankly, the whole metaphor is an inexcusable mess. It’s no wonder that beginner meditators get confused and think they need to empty their mind of thoughts or picture fluffy white clouds in their minds as if they were counting sheep.

Meditation is still new and unfamiliar enough to most people that it’s important to be as precise as possible about what we mean when we talk about it. That’s what this article aims to do. But first of all, let’s touch on why we’re interested in our thoughts in the first place.

Watching your thoughts go by

If you’ve never meditated before, you might believe that you’re in control of your thoughts, but sadly, you’re mistaken. You don’t need to meditate to realise this. Just try to stop yourself thinking of a yellow piano, or a pink elephant. Stop the voice inside your head from reading these words to you.

The reason you can’t follow these instructions, is that your thoughts work faster than you do. You’re constantly, helplessly thinking, and for the most part, you don’t even notice. The first indication you get that your mind has been racing full throttle for the past forever is usually when you notice that you‘re feeling a certain way and you’re not sure why. Maybe you’re sad, or anxious or happy or horny. Who knows? The point is that your brain has conjured this feeling without your permission.

You have a thought and then that one gives birth to another one, and another one, until they’re reproducing faster than Gizmo at a water park (it’s a Gremlins reference you barbarians, get some culture).

Thought number one

It’s not though number one that causes the problem, it’s thought number three hundred and twenty-seven. Thought number one might be something perfectly reasonable and factual accurate like: “I have an exam next week, I’d better study.” But then more thoughts arrive.

You think about a previous exam which went badly, you think about what will happen if the same thing happens in this one, you think about the humiliation you’ll feel when your entire class stands around you pointing and laughing as your exam paper is revealed to have a bright red “0” on the top right-hand corner. You think about how wildly unhealthy your imagination is and how you should probably get a grip.

Before you know what’s going on, it’s five hours later and you’re sat on the sofa in your underwear, halfway through your third pint of Ben & Jerry’s and you’re watching a true-crime documentary on Netflix that you can’t remember why you started.

I’ll tell you why you started, it’s because thought number 265 was you imagining how your failures as a student would inevitably lead you to a life of crime and you figured you’d better do some research on common mistakes that criminals make so that you don’t have to go to prison for the rest of your life.

Once you pop, you can’t stop

As you’ll hopefully already realise, meditation isn’t about stopping your thoughts. It’s about developing the ability to let a thought just be a thought, without it snowballing into the next seventy kajillion. It’s about developing the ability to have a single mental Pringle and then stop, rather than pouring the whole tube into your mouth.

Personally, I find metaphors like “watching your thoughts float by like clouds” to be incredibly unhelpful because they tempt me to create mental imagery in my mind which is, you guessed it, another thought. Now I’m picturing clouds and landscapes and what shade of blue the sky is and whether there are any planes and where those planes are going and how much I wish going on holiday right now and…you get the idea.

I can’t claim to know your mind well enough to dismiss the value of visualisation in meditation completely, but I would point out that visualisations are likely to lead to more thinking rather than less. The mind is incredibly skilful at making connections, so giving it new things to make connections from, seems like a recipe for disaster.

Breaking the chain

Instead, try just sitting. Pay attention to the rhythm of your breath. Don’t think about how you’re breathing or whether you’re breathing too fast or to slow, or if you should be breathing through your nose or your mouth, or whether your diaphragm should be moving more or…see what you did there? The fact that you’re breathing is enough. Don’t worry, even if you forget to do it, your body will take over.

Sooner or later, probably sooner, a though will arrive. You’ll remember something you have to do later or you’ll have a good idea or you’ll think of something that happened in the past. These are all fine. These are all thought number one. Let the fact that you have to do something later, or that that really is a good idea, or that whatever happened, happened, be the beginning and the end of the chain. If this goes exceptionally well, the thought will realise that it’s not going to get the attention it craves, get bored, and slope off somewhere out of sight.

Things don’t usually go this well. Usually, a few more thoughts will spawn from this one. “I hope that thing I have to do later goes well. Maybe I should be preparing for it. Do I have time to be sitting here with my eyes closed?” or “Oh man, that is such a good idea, I’d better not forget it. Maybe I should stop meditating and write it down quickly,” or “God that was so embarrassing. I’m such an idiot. I bet everybody thinks I’m a complete idiot.”

At some point in the chain, you’ll realise that you’re in the chain, and that’s your opportunity to break it. Don’t be annoyed at yourself for getting caught up, that’s just the beginning of a new chain. Bring your attention back to your breath again and treat this moment as if it’s the beginning of your meditation. Because it is.

Taking over the factory

Your mind is a thinking machine. A veritable thought factory. Most of the time nobody is at the controls, so it just haphazardly spits out thoughts, and then more thoughts based on those thoughts, and on and on until the aforementioned “ice cream/true crime” situation. But over time, it’s possible to get better, and faster, at noticing a runaway train of thought and interrupting it before it leads somewhere you don’t want it to go.

This is observing your thoughts. Seeing the process in action rather than being helplessly steered in whatever direction it takes you. Recognising, hopefully earlier and earlier, that your mind has gone AWOL. I’m sure it’s possible to arrive at the same point by picturing clouds floating through your mind, but rest assured that it’s not necessary to do so.