What Does It Mean to Have A Relationship with Money
Discover the true meaning of a relationship with money is and how an improvement can help you create a positive shift in your well-being.
Many finance experts like to use the phrase changing the relationship we have with money in their articles online.
The problem I faced was that in my first encounters with the term, I had no idea what the authors meant. They had assumed that the reader would know what the meaning is. Well, I didn’t. After all, having a relationship with money is a term that wasn’t used in any of the text books when I was in school. It was also certainly not used when I was working in the bank.
Here were some of my thoughts…. Can we actually have a relationship with something that is inanimate? Why even think about money as forming a relationship with it? Why is it important to improve the relationship with money, when we could be applying an investment strategy to raise our wealth portfolio?
These questions had bothered me some years ago, and after realising that I could not get any meaningful idea from others online, I decided that I needed to search for my own answers. These answers have inadvertently helped me to grow on a personal basis and to also help others find out more about their own relationship with money since then.
If you have been wondering the same or are curious to find out more, may I have the permission to shed more light?
For a start, let’s bring attention to the word “relationship”.
Our Relationship with Money: Meaning
Refer to the diagram below. It shows our individual self with our world around us. We are in a relationship with everything and anyone. We also have a relationship with our dog, parents, our home and business. Likewise, we have a relationship with money.
Some relationships are more important than others. The relationship we have with someone can help us to evolve and grow. When we are having a loving and healthy relationship with someone, our wellness improves.
We can have a positive or a negative relationship with money. In the same manner, when we have a positive relationship with money, our wellness improves. When we have a negative relationship with money, our wellness declines.
According to the dictionary, a relationship is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. It is how two or more groups regard each other. The way we regard each other is through our thoughts and feelings.
Our Relationship with Money Starts from Within
Unfortunately, many of us have a negative or poor relationship with money. We feel stressed whenever we think about money. Often, we associate money with “struggle”, “evil”, “greed”, “conflict”, “frustration” and so on. We also get into an emotional reaction when the topic of money comes up.
In fact, our fight-flight-freeze response gets activated. The fight-flight-freeze is the body’s natural response to perceived danger. We start to sweat, our stomachs churn and our throat feels choked. Money avoidance is a flight response that we may undertake whenever we need to face our credit card bills. Yet, if we are to reflect, we would realise that there is no real threat posed since our lives are not in danger.
Suffice to say, money is emotional energy. We already know that everything is energy and energy can be transformed. Hence our relationship with money, in the way we think and feel about it, can be changed.
As I dive into the blocks I hold, I realised that it wasn’t just what I thought and felt about money but it’s also about what I thought and felt about myself. For instance, do I believe that “I am good enough”, “deserving” or “not lovable”? These thoughts and feelings ultimately have an impact on the actions I take and the financial or work decisions that I make.
I found out that money is simply a feedback tool that offers personal insights into my psyche. The relationship I have with money — my emotional reactions and responses — offers me an opportunity to dive into inner work. It gives me a chance to change from within.
Make a Relation-SHIFT in What You Think and Feel
Growing our wealth portfolio or even making money from the business that we love is not just about practical measures such as developing a savings habit, making an investment decision or working long hours. In fact, we may already be aware that we need to take some action but we find ourselves held back by our negative thoughts and feelings. Thus, we end up procrastinating, giving excuses or avoiding handling money matters altogether.
Well, I’d like to invite you to be honest with yourself.
Here are some reflection questions for you…
What are you really thinking and feeling about money? What are the limiting beliefs you have formed about money? What are the limiting beliefs you have about yourself that affect your financial situation? What is your money story?
Neuroscience has shown 95% (or as much as 99%) of our life — that is most of our decisions, actions and behaviour, is driven by the programming that is in our subconscious mind. Hence, if we hope to change the financial outcomes we are getting, we need to be authentic to what we truly think and feel about money and about ourselves at deep levels. In other words, don’t be afraid to be honest!
Your Inter-Relationships
When one relationship is not doing well, it is likely to affect another. For instance, when our relationship with a family member is not well, it can affect our ability to concentrate at work. If this carries on for some time, it creates stress and can affects us financially, not just in lower earnings but also an increase in medical costs.
A poor relationship with time can also have an impact on our relationship with money. We may already be having the belief that we have to slave hard to earn more money. Hence, we end up working very long hours.
However, busyness can also keep us broke. Our limiting belief keeps us trapped and stuck from taking a step back to work on the business, instead of merely working in the business. As long as we hold on to the belief, it is difficult for us to break out of the work-slave mentality.
All our relationships are, ultimately, mirrors. Including our relationship with money. They mirror the relationship that we have from within. When we are not feeling well on the inside, it is going to affect all our relationships on the outside.
“The relationship that you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” anonymous
The Heart of Your Relationship with Money
Indeed, changing the relationship with money starts with yourself. It creates a ripple effect that affects the other parts of your life. The relationship you have with your loved ones, with time, work, business and all gets impacted. These also gets transmitted into the world, since we are all connected.
You may not have the power to change the economy or external factors but it is within your control to change the relationship via your thoughts and feelings. Life is at its most optimal when the relationships that we have are loving, healthy and balanced. We certainly want the same for our relationship with money. Authenticity is key to making a change from deep within.
The heart of changing your relationship with money lies with being authentic to what you truly think and feel about money and about yourself.
Relationships give life greater meaning. Your relationship with money can enrich you too. You don’t just gain financially. The returns include wellness, connection, joy, freedom, fulfilment, happiness and all that the heart hopes for — in short, abundance.