What Does Backsliding Feel Like?

It feels good until it doesn’t

Following Jesus is incredibly difficult. If it’s not, then you aren’t awake. There is a three-pronged cluster of foes waiting at your doorstep every day: “The “World”, “The Flesh” and the demonic realm. (By the way, the sooner you accept this, the sooner your life will make more sense).

Make no mistake, it’s war. The supernatural war is bigger than any war fought on land, sky, or sea. Its characters are more heinous and the stakes are higher.

But if you’re saved — meaning you believe that Jesus is the son of God- it’s all good. You’re still in a war, it’s still bloody, but you have protection. You also know something unique — how it’s going to end. If you’re reading this, it hasn’t ended yet.

One thing you will run into before the ending is backsliding. You will backslide. It’s a natural and normal thing to happen if you’re a believer. Especially in America. Backsliding is mainly caused by indulgence and excess of what Scripture calls “The Flesh.” There is lots of excess over here. It’s super easy to fall into. It happens to me constantly. But that doesn’t make it any less painful or any less dangerous.

It’s a slow road.

Little children often climb the wrong way up a slide and then harmlessly slide back down. They don’t fall. It doesn’t happen all at once.

And here’s the worst thing — unlike a child on a slide, it’s often invisible. You can’t see yourself falling. We become worldly vacuums, slowly sucking up little crumbs of idols here and there until our souls turn gray. We lack spiritual electricity. We could care less about other people and their spiritual lives.

We do things out of selfish, fearful motives. While we are talking to someone we are thinking parallel thoughts: “it would be nice to have their career” or “damn, he’s really young and can do this or that, I wish I still could” (I didn’t put house or car in there because I could actually care less about the car I drive. I don’t care about the size of my house either).

It’s filled with what looks like delicacies along the way. An extra hour of sleep when you meant to wake up early and saturate your mind with Scripture (I love sleep). Or the extra food used as novocaine. Or another stupendously simple click of a mouse to purchase something you don’t need. Customers are only dollar signs. A dopamine hit of anger towards your kids. Often consistent, low-grade anger leads to depression. You can live with a thin layer of depression and not even know it.

It’s not the cigarettes or the alcohol or the pot necessarily. Those things aren’t healthy and they do signify something deeper in all likelihood. But believe it or not, the Bible doesn’t specifically address those although it does give warnings about drinking too much. Those are visible things.

The flesh is hidden. You can’t see jealousy, you can’t see lust, you can’t necessarily see greed. In fact, you can give away lots of your income and still be greedy. These are all things that we hide inside of us and eventually, they make us sick inside. They distort the way we view the world. These are the things that make your life hell. And believe it or not, when you are experiencing these things, you are experiencing a slice of hell.

When you backslide, you just don’t feel right. It’s like clicking a lighter and no flame.

So what’s the answer? Discipline, plain and simple.

The book of Proverbs is one big blueprint for how to live a life of discipline. And it’s no coincidence that the majority of it was written by a man who lived a life of unprecedented excess — Solomon (you can read about his journey in Ecclesiastes).

Discipline “chokes” the flesh. Discipline builds restraint against disordered desires. What activities develop discipline? Fasting is one of them.

I’m a big dude because I’m a big eater. I don’t need half the stuff I eat. So I’m fasting. I can’t fast a whole day because I’m on medication and I need to take it on a full stomach. But I am trying out an 8 to 8 fast. I’ll let you know how it works. I know that any hunger pangs I have are simply learned. No big deal, I’ll be a little cranky but I’ll get over it.

Prayer. You can’t thrive if you don’t pray.

Read the Bible. You can’t thrive if you don’t read the Bible.

Be legalistic about it. That might not be spiritually correct but you get my point. Carve time to read it. I have written before about how the Bible can be tedious and boring. It’s a big book, find some parts you like and camp out there.

Confess to people. So important — probably the most. In the book of James, he talks about confessing sin to others so you can be healed. We don’t do that. We isolate. Your local news station gives traffic updates. From where? A helicopter. Why? Perspective. The helicopter is giving a perspective that cannot be gained from the ground. A wise person can see you better than you see yourself.

Don’t forget this: once saved, always saved. You can backslide and not lose your salvation. God knows this junk is hard. Jesus is called the “Great Physician”. You go to the doctor more than once in your life. He’s there. He doesn’t want people who refuse to walk without a limp. I have many of them.

Parenting has taught me many things. One is that I do not care if I go to another playground my whole life. I probably went four times a weekend for six years.

But going to playgrounds has also made my kids great climbers. Eventually, they learned how to make it back up the slide to safety. You can too.