What Does an Empath Look for in a Partner?

Prompt response: Torrents of emotions carved into my thoughts

“Your favorite drink is Sprite. Do you know what mine is?”

The response to my teasing question is a sheepish grin.

So I helped him out — “It’s coffee, coconut water and coke on ice. In that order.”

He immediately tried to rally, “Oh yeah, I already know about the coconut water….”

“No, you didn’t!”

Please don’t lie to me. As an emotional empath who can easily pick up on other’s emotions, I don’t need a finely tuned BS meter to know when someone is lying. This time, I’m not going to hold that little lie against you because I know you didn’t want your girl to think you had no clue what she liked to drink.

“Fyi babe — this is only going to work if we are honest with each other. And yes, even with the little things.”

“Loving someone is not a crime. Even if that love lies to you — you must learn to forgive. What you did was straight from the soul and what he did was what all he knew” — Gurpreet Dhariwal

I don’t trust easily but when I do, I’m loyal to a fault. I choose to believe the person I’m with despite all the evidence to the contrary. Call me naïve but what you fail to understand is the depth to which an empath is capable of giving and loving.

And yes, I paid a big price just for having loved with all my heart and being. I was lied to and gaslighted until I had trouble distinguishing what was real and what wasn’t. I learned the hard way but made sure it would never happen again by building a wall around my heart and topping it off with barbed wire for good measure.

Until….

“The Empath is able to determine via intuitive vibe (knowing or feeling) many things about another person. Most notably we connect with the emotional layer — although, we have the capacity to connect to physical ailments and thought patterns” — Michelle J. Howe, Founder & President of Empath Evolution at Empath Evolution

Being in a relationship is wonderful but not easy at all for an empath. I wouldn’t be lying if I told you I crave space. I need my personal space and jealously guard my alone time.

This is something that is very difficult for non empaths to understand so let me explain why it is so: I get easily drained and overstimulated by other people’s energies and sometimes it takes hours for me to recharge and restore.

In times of overwhelm, my go strategies for restoring emotional equilibrium are taking long walks preferably in nature, shutting the world out by plugging in my air pods and listening to soothing music or reading.

And I like to do all of these alone.

Otherwise I become super cranky and prone to crying.

Try explaining all of these to someone, particularly an insensitive someone and don’t be surprised if they call you batsh*t crazy.

3 qualities to look for in a non empath partner

1.)Someone who understands the empath’s need for space and alone time:

The non empath partner may already know that empaths are sensitive people but that is only half of the story. An empath cannot assume that the non-empath partner can pick up on their distress and understand it for what it is.

Chances are it can wrongly be assumed as selfish behavior.

Nothing can be further from the truth because for an empath a drizzle feels like a monsoon.

Hence the need for space and alone time to decompress.

The partner has to understand and respect the empath’s need for space. They have to be aware of the fact that the empath craves alone time out of necessity and not out of selfishness

2.)Someone who respects relationship boundaries:

According to life coach Andrea Leda “Setting a boundary is letting someone know what congruency looks like and feels like to you. This is you honoring your needs — your energy needs, your emotional needs, your support needs, and your self-care needs.”

For example you may have noticed in the conversation at the beginning how I gently but firmly conveyed the fact that honesty in a relationship is very important to me.

The thing to remember is if the empath has no idea what their relationship boundaries are, it is unfair to expect the non empath partner to somehow know about them. Only if the empath is aware of their boundaries are they able to effectively communicate them to their non empath partner.

3.)Someone with whom the empath can communicate without the fear of being judged or made fun of:

“Make a decision to talk about why you’re blessed, not stressed. You give life to what you focus on” Kristen Buller

Remember healthy relationships are about mutual love and respect. It should be a safe space for the empath to voice their opinions and feelings in a healthy way as opposed to internalizing those emotions due to fear of ridicule.

A friend recently recounted the story of her beautiful rescue cat, Chloe. It took a long time for this previously traumatized Mackerel tabby to trust and warm up to my friend. And do you know what my friend did? She never put any sort of pressure on Chloe and gave the cat time and space to get used to her new family.

From her perch on top of the book shelf, Chloe observed how my friend interacted with her other pets. And one fine day she arrived at the conclusion that this human was not going to hurt her as her previous owner did.

Gradually, Chloe abandoned her watchful post atop the bookshelf and picked a spot closer to where my friend and her other cat and dog spent their evenings. And then brave little Chloe made the decision, albeit hesitantly, to join her new family on the living room sofa.

She must have loved that experience so much that she never felt the need to go back to her lonely spot on the bookshelf.

As for me, I’m taking it one step at a time. The barbed wire I had put up as a deterrent has been taken down and there’s even a window open on the wall I had built around my heart.

Gosh but it’s wonderful to be able to breathe again.

If you liked this article, consider reading 5 Reasons Why My Friend’s Family Is Opposed To Her Remarrying

https://readmedium.com/5-reasons-why-my-friends-family-is-opposed-to-her-remarrying-6b2691de5ddb