What Do You Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Grow as Fast as You?

If there’s a gulf between your self-development status, it might or might not be okay

The chances are, when you got together with your partner, you followed a similar self-development trajectory. Maybe you didn’t match 100%. But your evolutionary clash wasn’t fierce. Now, though, perhaps it’s a different matter.

Couples in long-term relationships don’t always experience a comparable growth rate. Indeed, it’s common for one partner to speed up while the other lags behind. For many couples, mismatched development spells disaster, but it need not always put an end to a relationship.

Can couples outgrow each other?

Couples can find they grow at different rates or in different directions. And the result puts a strain on their relationship. Often, individuals who embark on self-mastery and increase emotional intelligence ponder whether their partner’s lack of interest in development blocks a healthy connection.

After all, what if their companion doesn’t care about increasing the relationship’s health? When one person works hard to escalate their communication skills, for instance, but the other doesn’t, no real improvement can be felt. The phrase ‘it takes two to tango’ springs to mind.

Then there’s conversation fodder to consider, too. A couple’s interests might vary so much that they can’t find common ground, and their bond weakens.

Do differing opinions matter?

Struggling to make things work when you disagree a great deal is tough. So, you must consider whether the chasm between you is too vast.

Then again, it matters whether your dissimilarities are about significant concerns or aren’t important. Those about morals have an impact, whereas more minor issues, like which wine to go with dinner, aren’t deal-breakers.

What are the deal-breakers?

It’s up to couples to decide what has the power to make or break their relationship. While one pairing might live happily despite their conflicting vegetarian and carnivore status, another may not cope.

Likewise, if there’s a gulf between self-development, it might be okay. It all depends on what the couple finds acceptable.

The most important aspect of a long-term relationship, of course, is love. Without it, when evolution levels vary, along with ideals, couples are unlikely to stay together.

What are the main problems mismatched couples face?

The most obvious answer might be an increase in quarrels about differences. But often, the problems couples face extend to loneliness, too. They live in the same house, but they haven’t got much to keep them close anymore.

Even with shared love, couples with little in common can feel the chill of solitude while in each other’s company. Their love may remain, but it changes shape. It turns into the love an onlooker has for a stranger in need of compassion — not a bad thing. But it’s not the same as the love between closely bonded people. Or, it morphs into a brotherly type of pairing.

In a worst-case scenario, a couple could end up hating each other. If their differences are too wide, love can fall through the cracks. Their relationship crumbles without the affection that keeps it together.

If your partner’s not growing at the same rate as you, consider your personal deal-breakers. Maybe you can live with the quirks you’ve grown out of, but they retain.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter whether your honey and you can speak deeply about specific issues or disagree often. But then again. It might matter. Only you can decide.