What Do You Do When No One Wants To Be Your Friend
Life can be really hard at times when no one seems to care. It can seem even harder when one doesn’t have a friend to bare. Some things I learned that I would like to share for those who need solutions to spare.
We have always been susceptible to what society demands of us to fit a specific stereotype. Some of the times, we are unsuccessful to fully adapt to the environment we are placed in. We find it hard to connect to others and moreover ourselves as well. This conflict increases the distastefulness towards others which is directly shown in our behaviors. It surrounds and follows us like a sad cloud that pushes people away whenever we try to connect with someone or perhaps try to befriend someone.
Life seems to become an endless circle of suffering and we feel like we are the only ones there. It causes us to feel ill towards social anxiety and depression as we feel we are not enough. It is perhaps something that is through the mindset we adopt, that we neither love ourself nor are we able to love another. We can’t foster feelings of nurturing for ourselves and thus this attitude seems to push others away from us as well.
It’s not that we don’t try, it’s because mostly we expect too much from ourselves and others that it just makes it somewhat inconvenient and bothersome. Others catch onto this sentiment and they feel the need to escape as they can’t really stand together with someone who can’t really accept themselves.
There are perhaps many reasons why no one seems to befriend us with these kinds of mindsets. Sometimes even if we are having a positive mindset people will naturally be mean and condescending towards you. They would look down upon you and treat you in a meaningless way. Trust me, I have been there.
My entire childhood has been a very learning experience — some people will always pick on you, it’s not your fault. They just don’t like themselves and thus they feel less and put themselves down when they see other people who accept themselves. They will also try to intervene in your friendships and will make any and every effort to put you and your friends down and push you away and even at times steal your friends from you.
They will make this sentiment of negativity around you and thus it will definitely at times cause you an extreme sense of unease. But when people start to avoid you, it is best to leave them be. Though you can try to connect with them when people stop trying to give you space or room to talk. It is time to take a step back and analyze your situation.
There are perhaps many things one can do, in such a situation when no one seems to befriend you. And perhaps it doesn’t mean that you are not friendly.
Here are a few things you should do, when no one wants to be your friend.
1. Strive to accept yourself and have a positive mindset.
This is an obvious sentiment when you wake up every day. Look in the mirror and say hello to your self. It is something that I do every day. You have two parts of you that will never leave your side. One is your reflection, who will always reflect what you feel, and will resonate with you. And the other one is your shadow who will always follow you like a puppy.
“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”― Roy T. Bennet
Both of them guard you and your friends. They are parts of you, and at times they will be the ones who will give you hope. We are never alone, as we have two people — two parts of ourselves with us. One that is always self-reflecting towards our experiences. While the other follows us.
Our shadow perhaps is past us. It follows us everywhere. It has known when we were left behind. It has a trace of all our pain, and sorrow. Meanwhile, our reflection is someone who shows the opposite perspective of what we do. These two perspectives are important to accept in life. Whenever you feel alone, you can talk to yourself. It will reflect everything you say.
Carry yourself with love and care.
Having a positive mindset gives you the ability to carry on forwards without worrying about the downs of life. Sometimes even ups can usher anxiety for us. So whenever you feel down try talking to yourself. Remember, there is someone who will always laugh at your jokes, and that is your reflection.
2. Find another place, or travel to another part of your residence or neighborhood.
Sometimes, the problem doesn’t reside in yourself — it resides in the place where you live i.e. the people there are not friendly or worth your time. You have to start going to places, places you have never been to before. This matters because at times people in a specific vicinity are just harboring the same kinds of mentality and sentiments towards you.
Thus, it is of the essence that you should start going to far fetched areas, to look for a company and moreover experiences that are waiting for you. Because people everywhere are not the same. And you will learn this specific sentiment of people belonging to different places.
A Hike is something that can always usher wonderful experiences your way.
I learned this from a very young age, to keep hopping from one residence to the next. I never really stayed in one place, I kept on moving to newer places, freshers perspectives. The scenery changes and so does your aptitude and attitude. It gets a renewal, because when you stay in one place the entire time, and no one wants to befriend you then that means that the place itself is bad.
Coming from experience, you should pack your bags and move out. Because that place will drain you dry. It can be anywhere, a new neighborhood perhaps. Pack your shoes, and start jogging somewhere different for once. Change places, and when you find a place where you are welcomed with love and joy. Perhaps compassion, you would know the shoe fits that you found your anchor.
Plus adventure is something that always ushers newer companions that are also like you in search of love and friendship. So be hopeful, there are many that are out there waiting to meet you. Who knows, we might even meet.
3. Start a physical activity or sport.
In the summer of 06, I started to join an acquaintance who was a gold medalist swimmer. I asked him if he could teach me how to swim. In those days, my friends had drifted apart because they were growing — hormonal mood swings were prevalent in them. Teenage years were in full bloom, thus I asked my dad to let me have a chance towards learning from him.
Thus I would go every day in the afternoon and learn swimming through practice and lessons. I even made friends, back then. It was an exciting time, a physical activity gave me a fresher perspective at life and everything else. I asked my dad to buy me a bicycle so that I could roam around the streets and even other neighborhoods as well.
“Winning isn’t everything — but wanting to win is.” ― Vince Lombardi
These hobbies perhaps gave me enough tenacity to build physical strength and furthermore to increase my endurance. Though, I found new friends who also were into the sports I was interested in. So wherever you might play, there is always a chance to meet new people and make new friends that sometimes even last for decades.
Advice: Buy or rent a bicycle and just take it for a stroll every evening. It not only will help you in receiving a fresh perspective plus it is good for your health. Who knows, a like-minded lady or dude awaits you.
4. Crawl into the world of Video games.
There was a time in my teenage years that I crawled into the world of cyber gaming. It was perhaps one of the most exciting times and therapeutic tools for me during that era of my life. Video games perhaps come all in types, there are many genres that you can choose and thus the world of video games is one full of adventures and even friendships that await you while plundering a dungeon.
I used to play both fps, and strategy games like League of Legends, World of Warcraft, Smite, Age of Empires, and even heroes of Newerth. My favorite perhaps, among all of those is warcraft 3, the frozen throne. I grew up with that. I used to have it on my Intel Pentium 4 — still do to this day with an Nvidia Geforce 6200 AGP-512 MB graphics card with 2.5 gigs of ram and 250 GB hard disk. Also, call of duty 1,2 and its expansion pack with at least a thousand saves.
“Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil… prayer, fasting, good works, and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon…”― Terry Pratchett
Video games are like a doorway, nowadays there are so many titles that you can play on. So many diverse genres, and quality graphics that you can choose, there are some games though they aren’t demanding. You can definitely find people to play with. You can install clients like steam, and there are perhaps so many free to play games like Rainbow6Seige, CS: GO, and Even Dota 2 to name a few.
You can find people, playing these games. You can connect and you can foster very profound friendships with people. There is no such thing as real-life friends and gaming friends. Friends are friends, and sometimes these people that you meet online are perhaps more real than the people you hang around with all day.
You can vulnerable around them, you can joke, win games, trash talk, gather loot, and even have an awesome time. You can even have sleepovers together and play nighters at each other’s place because at the end of the day. You will meet genuine people just like you.
“A game is an opportunity to focus our energy, with relentless optimism, at something we’re good at (or getting better at) and enjoy. In other words, the gameplay is the direct emotional opposite of depression.” ― Jane McGonigal
I participated in the World Cyber Games twice, representing my region in Dota. Though I lost my regional finals still it was a fantastic feeling when I got my clan registered in WCG Samsung, 07. It was something like an achievement and honestly, it was the best feeling ever.
So go and log in to steam, and install the client. Add a game, and just connect. There is a world full of fun that awaits you.
5. Install social apps, and connect with strangers.
The idea behind social apps, be it be a data mining gimmick or to give people the space to connect with another sounds attractive. I am an avid user of many social apps and have connected with thousands of people over the years and made perhaps thousands of friendships, some of whom I have happened to met offline and there are many I’m hoping to meet someday.
There are specific social apps, you should definitely download and install if you don’t have any friends. Because it will fill your void of not having one. There are perhaps apps like slowly if you are looking for penpals, through writing letters to strangers — then you should definitely check that out. I have written at least 30K Letters, on that app and made at least 150 friends out of whom I talk to 70 every week. Out of those 70, I have met 5 in person.
It is a journey you will definitely thrive in, from the couch of your home. Writing letters is like writing poetry through a philosophical context. I did both(chuckles).
“He could not make conversations with strangers, and yet conversations with strangers were perhaps the first thing required of him in his new life.” ― Alice McDermott
Then there are perhaps apps like wakie where you can talk to strangers, using the call feature. Plus there are clubs that you can join on any topic and talk to strangers. Wakie has a fun-filled community that will perhaps keep you entertained like similar apps like Snapchat, Ablo, Instagram, and vice-versa.
I have made hundreds of friends, got close to many people over the years. Technology has brought us even closer. Thus, there are many people aching to make a connection. Look at this way, if you wrote 100 letters and found a friend out of it. One that is willing to meet you, then perhaps you have hit the lottery of friendships.
Where people are willing to travel to places just to meet another, the journey awaits. Go make your mark on the online world of social connectivity so that you can dabble into the rabbit hole of conversations and communications of ideas and perspectives — Try it. It is a journey full of thrilling experiences and friendships that await your arrival.
6. Learn to program and build applications.
It was perhaps 07 when I got interested in Adobe Flash games. Thus I checked what I needed to learn in order to make my very own flash game. I needed to learn the programming language called Java. Back then, I was someone who could get along with anyone but my friends had other hobbies, that I never really transitioned with so I usually spent my time on the internet watching science videos on Youtube, or alien documentaries, etc..
I first dabbled into HTML, and Javascript I believe a year earlier to learning Java, it was still fairly new to me and I did stop doing it shortly after I learned to make my game. Fast forward a decade, I was learning programming languages by the hour and building applications to understand and build systems.
“When you don’t create things, you become defined by your tastes rather than ability. your tastes only narrow & exclude people. so create.” ― Why The Lucky Stiff
When you’re alone, sometimes learning to program nowadays has become easier. There are so many communities like Codingame.com and MOOCs where you can join a program and furthermore join other people as well to learn to program and build solutions for modern-day problems.
Visit EbookFoundation.org to get some awesome resources for free. They have a GitHub repository from where you can download tutorials about all types of programming an active community that helps beginners.
Programming is like another doorway, for you to explore and find newer ways to distract yourself. It pays well in the end too, you learn fantastic skills, make new friends and perhaps even generate an income out of it. There are many possibilities that you can choose from.
I do tutorials and build projects for fun, sometimes I host hackathons where we compete with one another, just for learning from one another. All this awaits, as soon as you start learning — If you wanna learn to program, go to Coursera and join this course called Python for Everybody. You can find python resources and other things to learn on Tutorialspoint.com.
It is definitely a good one for beginners and starts your developer journey to finding newer ways to spend your quality time. You can also check Hyperskill.org & freecodecamp.org — for more exciting tutorials on youtube. Have Fun.
7. Dabble in photography and the arts.
One of the fantastic hobbies perhaps that I daddled in when my friends left me was perhaps photography. I used to pick my Nokia phone and would take pictures, though the quality wasn’t that good almost a decade ago. But it was a good hobby. I borrowed a Nikon camera from a friend and would practice learning from the web.
“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” ― Ansel Adams
There was perhaps another art form i.e. the art of public speaking that I learned by competing in debates and speeches with local, and regional folks and communities. I also used to communicate with older people, every day to learn from their experiences. It matured to the point where I was able to connect and empathize with everyone around me.
I also used to write fictional essays and was thoroughly interested in collecting stamps. I had a myriad of hobbies, that I used to carry out every week. I had a board where I would add sticky notes so that I keep a track of what I would today, or that day.
It kept me on my toes and even helped me garner a few friends during that time that I still keep in touch to this day.
8. Find a job, any can suffice so long as it pushes you to work.
Sometimes the best of solutions is to put yourself in a centralized hierarchy. When you’re in such a system, you have a role to play and thus you will fit somewhere with like-minded people aiming to make ends meet. Perhaps, in some circumstances, you might even make friends who will be looking for people like you.
“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ― Mark Twain
A job sometimes guarantees friends, and snakes(hiss). It gives you a lot of lessons about hardship and hard work. Plus, you get paid for it. So that’s nice, you are putting your energy to good use. You can save up and travel to places. Meet new people, and connect perhaps with the people you talk to on social apps.
There are so many possibilities, it also refines you into a hardworking individual. It gives you an understanding of how practical life is. When you delve into practicality, you can learn the mental tricks to win people if you are working in sales i.e. There are many things that await you to learn in the next job you take.
There are perhaps many roles you can do, but I’d suggest something along the lines of sales is always a good fit for starters. It will be hard, but very well rewarded in the end.
9. Adopt a reading hobby, dally into the world of books.
I remember when I was young, I had bought so many books that my entire room was like a mini library, plus my siblings were really into reading. So she and I once opened our very own mini library — we would host reading sessions and would rent books to people, and children our age. We would have our own reading sessions, and it would be a blast. We were fairly young at that time, this was probably decades ago.
“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero
I remember you could find your adventure in a book or two. I would always read supernatural fiction. It was my favorite. Science fiction, vampires, and whatnot. I would ask my sister at times, to bring me some good books from her school library so I can read them.
Every night perhaps I would read my favorite book and spooky goosebumps series that I would read and be scared. Those were the days, I still remember and miss them. I think I fairly made books my friend as a teenager, a bit. I wasn’t a prolific reader of fiction but I had my genres. I was also into facts and scientific books. I still read whenever, I could find my hands-on children’s books. I like the author Jeremy strong. His Book the hundred miles an hour dog is my favorite.
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” ― Mark Twain
Stephen Hawking’s book “The Grand Design” is my favorite number 2. There’s no general order, to be honest. All of them have their significance. Books are perhaps in billions, there are so many to read from mysticism to religion, from philosophy to spirituality, the list is endless. Whenever I need a fresh perspective, I bury my head in a book — an interesting one at that.
I mostly read jokes too, Penguin publishers have so many books about jokes. You could bury your head in one, you’d be laughing your socks off. Whenever I need guidance, I just read a book. It always helps, Libraries are filled with books — they are waiting for someone to come and open the wonders that are etched in those pages.
They await for you, there — love, your friends.
10. In the end, It doesn’t even matter.
I believe if you do all of these things in an organized manner, every day. You can definitely become a prolific individual with a charismatic personality, skills, and abilities to back them up. You would probably have seen it all when it comes to friendship and relationships. You would have learned to love yourself and take care of your needs and wants.
“Always remember that you were once alone, and the crowd you see in your life today are just as unnecessary as when you were alone.”― Michael Bassey Johnson
You would know what you really need in life. And you wouldn’t need to worry about such minuscule things as you have plenty to do, even if no one wants to be your friend, which is probably false. When you do all of these things, it is hard for anyone to resist being your friend.
You probably are what they call a diamond in a coal mine. So you wouldn’t really care about such trivial matters. As you have a far higher perspective about life, so you would live it well and with joy — with or without a friend.
Thank you for reading.
Stay Blessed and Stay Safe!
With Love ❤️
