What Do Hearses Look Like These Days?
Do they look like black Dodge minivans?
When I leave the nursing home at some godawful hour every night, I have to find somebody to buzz me out.
Good luck with that.
Logan, the new kid ( or “Shit, what’s his name? Logan?” I heard another aide mumble) didn’t know how. So I resolved to go up front and wait patiently by the door, swaying slightly as I fell asleep standing up. Like a horse.
I was saved by a guy who gave not one fuck that when you push the door without keying in the code, an alarm starts screeching so that no one escapes.
He was dressed completely in black like a cat burglar. Black knit cap, black pea coat, the whole nine yards.
At the curb sat a black Dodge minivan.
I pretended to take Hershey for a pee while I oh-so-subtly looked over my shoulder at the man and the enormous amount of noise he was making.
Now, in my experience, it takes two people to transport a live person. The gurney they use is padded, soft, and fairly complicated. They drive a vehicle that at least approximates an ambulance.
This guy was noisily pulling a gurney from the back of the minivan that was extremely utilitarian. It could be used to move either a dead body or luggage. Neither one would complain.
Since COVID is running rampant through the nursing home, I was sorely tempted to hang out in the parking lot until Cat Burgler Guy reappeared with whatever it was he had been sent to collect.
Gold bouillon?
Recycling?
Corpse?
Given the color scheme, this guy’s clearly bad attitude, and the late hour, I’m going to guess that somebody kicked the proverbial bucket.
Carting a dead body out of a nursing home in broad daylight is bad for sales.
I should’ve asked Cat Burglar Guy what he was doing, just to see what he said.
That’s the great thing about being a writer — no matter what you do, you can tell yourself it’s for your art.