What Could Have Been
What would music be like if Kurt Cobain were still alive?
April 5th, 2021, marked 27 years that Nirvana frontman, Kurt Cobain left this world.
For those born in or after the 1990s, Kurt Cobain is likely more of a myth than a man. A musical reference for terms and sounds you’ve only read about and listened to but never experienced. He’s a unicorn with a guitar.
When Cobain was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head on April 8th, 1994 (the medical examiner estimated his death occurred three days earlier) in his home in Seattle, Washington, the world of music was forever changed.
I was just about to turn 21 and my life was fully immersed in music. Most of that music consisted of just about everything coming from the suddenly famous town of Seattle and I was happily drowning in it.
My lungs needed drop D tuning and soul-baring, crushingly honest lyrics as much as they did air.
Kurt’s shotgun blast left shrapnel in me and millions of others who breathed in the same way I did. Those wounds have yet to heal.
“Teenage angst has paid off well Now I’m bored and old Self-appointed judges judge More than they have sold” — Kurt Cobain “Serve The Servants”
When the lyrics of the first song, on what was easily the most anticipated album of a generation due to the success of Nevermind three years prior, begin with such obvious disdain for what his life had become, you knew Kurt’s story was headed for a brutal ending.
There have been many books, essays, articles, and social media posts on the life and music of Kurt Cobain. He’s as significant a musical figure as there is and his work should be documented.
But what I’m thinking and writing about here is the “what if” scenario had Cobain lived.
We’ve all heard way too much about the “27 Club”, which refers to music and cultural icons who all died at the shockingly young age of 27. Some of its most popular members include:
Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse.
Everyone feels the need to belong somewhere, this, however, is not a club anyone should aspire to be in. There’s certainly a link between living fast, mental illness, drug and alcohol abuse, and artists of all kinds. This list though is creepy and sad and I wish it didn’t exist.
As someone who was still in the throws of finding himself (does it ever stop?) in the early and mid-90s, Cobain’s death only led to more confusion and isolation. Looking back now it seems hard to imagine how someone you’ve never met could have such a profound impact on you, but all I can tell you is it did.
I often wonder where music as a whole, and Kurt’s specifically, would’ve gone if he’d just been able to outrun the demons chasing him. What would it have sounded like? Nirvana was likely not going to be around for the long haul, but what would Cobain have done post-Nirvana? Who else would he have worked with? How many others would he have influenced? What trails might he have blazed?
There are some who believe he would’ve left music altogether and maybe have become a painter or a writer. Some say he would’ve just become a recluse and disappeared from the public eye.
I don’t agree with any of that.
You’re not born with the sense of melody that Cobain was born with and easily put down that muse. He needed to create music. He thought in terms of songs and felt his contributions to the world of music were as needed as water and sunlight. It’s who and what he was and I believe he would’ve continued along that path forever.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Kurt Cobain
Everyone evolves and has the right to change their minds about many things during their time on earth. When you know who you are though, that being that rests firmly inside your core, that simply doesn’t change.
Maybe it’s because I was at such a vulnerable age from the late 80s through the mid-90s, but I can tell you that I just knew in my gut, that what Kurt was creating was a manifestation of who he was and that it was supposed to continue for a long time.
Kurt was a kid when success first pummeled him. He was a kid when he died.
In my mind, I’ve always thought Kurt’s music would’ve transformed itself over the years. His musical tastes were all over the map (pop, rock, metal, punk, hardcore, blues, etc.) and I’d like to think he would’ve followed all of those inspirations and created something magical with them.
As a matter of fact, the song and performance of Kurt’s that made me think he would never keep Nirvana alive for very long didn’t even come from his own pen. It was a cover of the old Lead Belly tune, “Where Did You Sleep Last Night” from the MTV Unplugged performance from late 1993.
It’s one of the rawest and most gut-wrenching performances of a song you’ll ever see. The tone and sorrow in his voice, the slow, almost stop-motion tempo of the song, his facial expressions, and the last two run-throughs of the chorus and the subsequent outro should make you die inside each and every time you watch it. This is was a troubled man looks and sounds like and he was begging for help the only way he knew how.
Sadly, that help never did arrive.
Music for some just hits differently than it does for others. If you’re still reading this, you’re a part of that club. It’s instinctual, surprising, infectious, and often, sad.
There are those times when music lifts you and allows the secrets and optimism of the unknown to lead the way. With every high, however, comes a low. Music provides these as well, it’s nothing if not balanced.
I’ll readily admit that I was stunned the first time I saw Nirvana’s performance of “Where Did You Sleep Last Night” and it made me nervous. I was uneasy but didn’t know exactly why. Every single time I’ve watched since April 8th, 1994, I understood why. I became tense, angry, sad, and confused. Yet somehow, through every inch of that fog, I found some joy. I still can’t explain why.
What I do know is this, Kurt Cobain would have absolutely continued to mesmerize, anger, confuse, and yes, deliver us peace in the only way he knew how, through his songs.
