Summary

The article discusses the five most common regrets expressed by dying individuals, emphasizing the importance of living authentically, maintaining work-life balance, expressing emotions, nurturing friendships, and choosing happiness.

Abstract

Drawing from Bronnie Ware's experiences with patients in palliative care, the article outlines the top five regrets of the dying, which include not living a life true to oneself, working too hard, not expressing feelings, losing touch with friends, and not allowing oneself to be happy. These regrets serve as a stark reminder to live intentionally and make choices that align with personal desires and values. The article encourages readers to reflect on their own lives, identify potential regrets, and take proactive steps to transform their lives before it's too late. It underscores the urgency of this reflection by sharing the story of Asher Lipson, a young man facing death who regrets not using his time well. The timeless message is to act now, without delay, to avoid these common end-of-life regrets.

Opinions

The author suggests that societal and familial expectations often lead individuals to live lives that are not true to themselves.
There is a strong emphasis on the importance of work-life balance, particularly for men, who often prioritize work over personal relationships.
The article highlights that the inability to express emotions is a significant regret, pointing to a societal failure to teach healthy emotional expression.
It posits that friendships are a source of joy and stress relief and that maintaining these connections is crucial for a fulfilling life.
The pursuit of happiness is presented as an active, deliberate choice rather than a passive experience.
The author advocates for the idea that it's never too late to change one's life and that even small steps towards personal fulfillment are valuable.
The article implies that death can come unexpectedly, and thus, living with intention and without regret should not be postponed.

What Can You Learn from the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying?

Don’t delay, live the life you truly want right now

Are you living the life you truly want? What might you regret if you were looking back from your deathbed?

In her best-selling memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, Bronnie Ware shared five significant disappointments people commonly express on their deathbeds

“This book had a profound effect on my life.” — Dr Wayne W. Dyer

Ware worked as a caregiver to the dying for eight years. Listening to their painful stories and biggest regrets transformed her own life. It gave her a fierce determination to follow her own heart no matter what.

Let’s look at the top five regrets of the dying and see if they might change your life too.

What Are the Top Five Top Regrets of the Dying?

Read carefully through the following list of the top five regrets of dying patients. See if any ring true for you when you consider your life right now.

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

This was the number one regret of the dying.

As a young adult, you may have followed a career path set out by your parents instead of following your own dream. As an adult, perhaps you always agree to your romantic partner’s desires and choices, never thinking about what you truly want yourself.

There are so many ways to get stalled in life when you do what’s expected of you instead of what you truly want.

Are you living according to the expectations of others, forgetting your own desires?

2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

Ware found this top regret of dying patients was most common among men, who made work their priority. Being so consumed by work left little time for these men to experience true intimacy and connection with their partner. They also regretted missing special times with their children as they grew up.

I wonder if this might now be a top regret for women who are dying too.

Are you working too much?

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

Many people don’t know how to express their feelings healthily. It’s not something we’re taught as children.

So, they stay quiet to avoid rocking the boat. Or perhaps they believe their feelings aren’t important. Men face a strong stigma around the expression of feelings.

Are you expressing your feelings often and healthily?

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

It’s easy to let friendships slide if you don’t consciously decide to make time for your friends.

The connection we feel in friendship is important because it brings feelings of satisfaction and joy to our lives. Connection also calms the nervous system, helping us to relax and let go of stress.

But once you’re dying, you may not find and reconnect with former friends you once cherished so much.

Are you making time and space for your friendships?

5. “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

Happiness is not merely an externally inspired event that happens to you occasionally by sheer luck. You have to actively make choices to engage in activities that bring happiness and joy. Many people live on automatic instead.

The other four top regrets of the dying are ways we obstruct our own happiness as well, aren’t they?

Are you regularly engaging in activities that bring you happiness?

As soon as you finish reading this list of the five regrets of dying patients, grab a pen and blank piece of paper or your device. If any of the top five regrets struck a chord with you, write it/them down.

Then ask yourself:

“If I died this very moment, are there any other regrets I would have?”

Jot down whatever immediately comes to mind. Then sit with the question for a few minutes more to see what else emerge. Over the next few days, more thoughts may come to mind. Add them to your list.

Change Your Life Now

Now that you know your regrets, you also know where to transform your life.

Take your list of regrets and prioritize them by importance to you. Start by focusing on the first one. Make a list of positive steps you can take to honor the calling of your heart.

It’s okay to start small. Then take bigger steps as you gain more confidence. But make a start right away before you lose the impulse.

Change takes time. Don’t wait till later, you never know when death will arrive. Start now to live a life you love, a life without regrets.

Death May Come Sooner Than You Think

Do you ignore the possibility of death and think you have all the time in the world? Most people do, but that could be a mistake.

After being diagnosed with a rare sarcoma, 24-year-old Asher Lipson wrote:

“It is frustrating to feel that you have mismanaged your time, or that there isn’t enough time to accomplish the things that you would like to do. Right now I feel I haven’t used my time well, and it pains me to look back at all the hours wasted.”

Lipson’s biggest regret as he came closer to death was a feeling he hadn’t used his time well. Is that something you might regret too?

Twenty-four seems too young to die, doesn’t it?

But this life offers no guarantees. We only know that death is certain, we don’t know when and how we’ll die. If we don’t wake up and live intentionally, it will be easy to have regrets whether we die at 24 or 104.

Final Thoughts

The first edition of Ware’s book came out just a little more than a decade ago (there’s a 2019 updated edition as well), but her message is timeless, isn’t it? It’s captured well in this quote from Simone de Beauvoir:

“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now without delay.”

If there’s one thing you take away from this story, it’s the importance of changing your life now before it’s too late.

Start by making that list of any regrets you might have should you suddenly die. Then choose the most important one. Break it into actionable steps. Take the first step to change your life as soon as you can.

It’s easy to avoid the top regrets of the dying if you make it a point to always be true to yourself.

Originally published on Always Well Within