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Abstract

Let’s say you’ve got an eBook you want to work on and finish in three months. You make a plan, learn about self-publishing, and establish a writing schedule . . . sounds like you’re all set, right?</p><h2 id="ec9e">What happens if you discover that what you want changes?</h2><p id="5725">Then what? You can change your goal, of course. Or, you can keep your goal and add to it, or ditch it altogether if you decide you’re no longer interested in writing that eBook.</p><p id="4bae">That may sound obvious, but I wanted to mention it because sometimes I find that there’s lag time between when I no longer want to do something and when I actually stop doing it.</p><p id="9db5">Goals build momentum. That’s both good and bad.</p><p id="25dd">It’s good because it helps carry you towards completing your goal. But it can actually impede your progress towards living a life you love if you try something and decide that your heart’s just not in it anymore.</p><p id="3426">Of course, you may really enjoy working on that eBook and become inspired to add an email newsletter to your writing goals. That happens a lot; one goal leads us to the next and we can’t always predict what we’ll want in the future until we get closer to it.</p><figure id="1a7a"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*4OW1m7Lx81xFEHWa"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><figure id="309f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*tyHmHXzRfVZaUDjx"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><figure id="8c6b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*xWOD15EIuD-gm6wB"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@christianfregnan?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Christian Fregnan</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="1dc9">Goal: Practice Making “I” St

Options

atements During Arguments</h2><p id="0ea2">Let’s say you’re dating someone and you’ve noticed (or they’ve pointed out) that you make a lot of “you” statements that cause them to feel attacked and shut down. So you decide to make an effort towards making “I” statements when you’re feeling upset and want to talk with them about it.</p><p id="bf07">This is a great goal; relationship experts would agree with this goal.</p><p id="dc04">Now imagine that you start expressing yourself in a healthier way to your S.O. What’s the anticipated result? It’s that your relationship will be better because your arguments won’t be as intense as they once were — you’ll be deescalating the situation with your newly improved communication skills.</p><p id="7036">Again, good goal, good results.</p><p id="0684">But what if along the way you discover that while your communication skills are improving, your S.O’s skills remain the same. What if you change, and they don’t?</p><p id="df14">You may find yourself with a new goal: to be single.</p><p id="37f3">Ah, such is love. People change. Relationships grow or stagnate and become something you didn’t always expect, even if that “something” turns into “nothing.”</p><p id="6c6c">Was your original goal wrong because it led to a breakup? Of course not! Goals are meant to contribute to our personal development and if that means saying “goodbye” to someone, so be it. (Dealing with heartbreak is a different subject, but recovering from a break-up — if it was a difficult one — can be a goal in itself.)</p><h1 id="ac1f">So there you have it. Goals are not endpoints; they’re mile markers.</h1><p id="a0a3">You reach a goal (or you don’t) and life goes on. You keep going. <b>And if you make goals that align with your values, you feel good about what you’re doing with your life</b>. And that’s a really great goal, don’t you think?</p></article></body>

PRODUCTIVITY | LIFE

What Are Your Goals Really For?

Is the point to achieve them, or to enjoy the journey?

I have a confession to make: I don’t always achieve my goals. (I know, shocker, right?)

I’m a goal-setter. I like to have a clear objective and a deadline for both work tasks and personal habits. The more specific and measurable (i.e., SMART) my goals are, the better the chances that I’ll accomplish them.

But sometimes things change. Goals change. And that’s okay.

But even if goals never changed, how about we try enjoying ourselves on the way to achieving them?

That’s what self-help author Shannon Kaiser advocates in her book, Adventures for Your Soul: 21 Ways to Transform Your Habits and Reach Your Full Potential. She writes:

Reaching your goals is only a minor fraction of the equation to happiness. Reaching your goals in fact is not the fun juicy stuff that keeps us fueled with passion . . . Having our goal materialize instantly is not why we set goals; in fact, the journey to seeing our goal actualized is the real happiness trail.

Let’s look at some examples of goals to see how the journey can often become more important than the destination — or how one destination can morph into a new one we didn’t expect.

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Production on Unsplash

Goal: Write and Self-Publish an eBook in 3 Months

Let’s say you’ve got an eBook you want to work on and finish in three months. You make a plan, learn about self-publishing, and establish a writing schedule . . . sounds like you’re all set, right?

What happens if you discover that what you want changes?

Then what? You can change your goal, of course. Or, you can keep your goal and add to it, or ditch it altogether if you decide you’re no longer interested in writing that eBook.

That may sound obvious, but I wanted to mention it because sometimes I find that there’s lag time between when I no longer want to do something and when I actually stop doing it.

Goals build momentum. That’s both good and bad.

It’s good because it helps carry you towards completing your goal. But it can actually impede your progress towards living a life you love if you try something and decide that your heart’s just not in it anymore.

Of course, you may really enjoy working on that eBook and become inspired to add an email newsletter to your writing goals. That happens a lot; one goal leads us to the next and we can’t always predict what we’ll want in the future until we get closer to it.

Goal: Practice Making “I” Statements During Arguments

Let’s say you’re dating someone and you’ve noticed (or they’ve pointed out) that you make a lot of “you” statements that cause them to feel attacked and shut down. So you decide to make an effort towards making “I” statements when you’re feeling upset and want to talk with them about it.

This is a great goal; relationship experts would agree with this goal.

Now imagine that you start expressing yourself in a healthier way to your S.O. What’s the anticipated result? It’s that your relationship will be better because your arguments won’t be as intense as they once were — you’ll be deescalating the situation with your newly improved communication skills.

Again, good goal, good results.

But what if along the way you discover that while your communication skills are improving, your S.O’s skills remain the same. What if you change, and they don’t?

You may find yourself with a new goal: to be single.

Ah, such is love. People change. Relationships grow or stagnate and become something you didn’t always expect, even if that “something” turns into “nothing.”

Was your original goal wrong because it led to a breakup? Of course not! Goals are meant to contribute to our personal development and if that means saying “goodbye” to someone, so be it. (Dealing with heartbreak is a different subject, but recovering from a break-up — if it was a difficult one — can be a goal in itself.)

So there you have it. Goals are not endpoints; they’re mile markers.

You reach a goal (or you don’t) and life goes on. You keep going. And if you make goals that align with your values, you feel good about what you’re doing with your life. And that’s a really great goal, don’t you think?