“What are you getting your partner for Christmas?”

A casual conversation with Mrs Jones

For the fourth time this week, my partner asked me, “What do you want for Christmas?”

A little confused, I gave her the same answer as I did each time before.

“I don’t really want anything. I just want to have a nice day and enjoy a lovely homecooked meal. Is there anything I can get you for Christmas?”

A little resigned she responded, “No, there’s nothing I want either. But maybe we can get something nice for the living room in the after Christmas sales?”

I agreed and thought that was a good idea.

Then she sighed, “Are we boring?”

This was a bit of a shock if I’m honest.

I’ve never considered us being the most exciting people but I wouldn’t call us boring. It turns out some of her colleagues have a different opinion. My partner is growing a little tired of their judgement and yet at the same time, I fear she is starting to believe them.

We don’t typically splash out on gifts and experiences. We live quite frugally compared to our peers. At the start of the year, we wanted to travel a more but circumstances changed when the pandemic hit. Like many others, we just accepted this wasn’t the best year to travel.

However, the way some people look at us when we describe our weekends, you’d think we violated every one of their core beliefs. It’s as if we don’t understand what it means to be human or how to live our lives.

People often evaluate their lives against others. They try to convince themselves that they are right by viewing others as wrong.

Often neither are right nor wrong, there is only different.

As basic as it may be, many people don’t understand how much we genuinely enjoy staying in, binging Netflix and chatting over a nice coffee or meal. My partner also paints and I write. We love it!

Pre-pandemic, we would go out for a meal once or twice a week but it would never be anything particularly worth discussing.

Although, when people ask about your weekends, they always seem so interested about specific details but it’s precisely those details that seem to disappoint. All I need to say was that I had a nice meal and they would expect me to name a fancy restaurant, local hidden gem or location with a stunning view.

Last week, my partner’s colleague Jane asked her, “What are you getting your partner for Christmas?”. In reality, Jane didn’t really care what she was going to say. Jane just wanted to share what she was getting her partner: a new smart watch and a dining experience at a Michelin star restaurant.

It sounds like a great gift and I hope he enjoys it.

I know some people are just excited to share but Jane said it with a tone of smugness that was just unnecessary. It’s as if a big part of the enjoyment she derives from spending on gifts is the ability to tell other people how generous she is.

We’re not a couple that likes to keep up with the Joneses. But the Joneses are sometimes hard to ignore. They are loud and in your face. We often have to remind ourselves not to get involved. It’s just not a game we want to play.

We are saving up so we can start a family.

If you know what you want out of life and you are on the appropriate path, don’t fall into the trap of other people’s values. You should carry on doing you with unwavering confidence.

My partner felt afraid for a moment that I would see the lack of luxury as a sign that I am unloved. If anything, I think it makes me feel understood.

Nothing pains me more than seeing someone I love overspend on my present, only for me to pretend to love it.

But I do feel a little guilty. Over the years, I have become a bit of an essentialist. There is nothing anyone could buy me that would make me much happier unless there is a huge amount of utility I am not aware of (e.g. a robot chef that doesn’t need help prepping).

Most of what I want and need, I have already gotten for myself. It makes me a very frustrating person to get a gift for.

It is both hilarious and sad at the same time.

The other day, I was complaining about my back because of the setup I have with my laptop and an additional monitor. I always end up reaching out to type on the laptop while craning my neck to look at the screen on the side. I told her I was considering getting a wireless keyboard to solve the problem so I could sit further away.

She tried to convince me it wasn’t necessary so she could secretly get me one for Christmas. Well, let’s just say I wasn’t entirely convinced. I didn’t want to hurt my back any further, so I ordered it the very next day and it arrived a day later.

The look on my partner’s face when she realised I spoiled her gift idea was absolutely priceless.

Perhaps that’s the best gift she could have gotten me.

Now, what the hell am I supposed to get her?