What An Anxiety Attack Feels Like
I’m writing this amidst one.
I’ll get straight to the point, as currently it’s hard to focus on anything, at all.
First Phase
You start to feel something in your chest.
Not pain.
Weight.
You ask yourself: Is this really happening to me? Again? Really?
You deny it.
Unsuccessfully.
I’ll just take three deep big breaths and I’ll be fine. Just breathe. Breathe. You’ll be fine.
You’re far from fine.
The weight grows unbearable.
It’s happening.
Second Phase
The vertigo feeling kicks in.
Panic crawls underneath your skin.
You find it impossible to stand still. So, you start to walk back and forth.
The thing is that the room starts to feel smaller and smaller.
You open the window.
Too much noise outside. You close it.
Third Phase
You light a cigarette.
The nicotine doesn’t help. You want to smoke the whole thing in one breath.
You sit on the ground and try to meditate.
Breathe…
You take a couple of deep big breaths. No effect.
You realize you can’t stay seated anymore. Just keep your mind busy. Think of something. Anything.
You can’t. Your mind is cluttered.
The weight in the chest has now evolved. You feel the urge to vomit.
Your heart is trying to break out of your rib cage.
Stay calm. Breathe…
Fourth Phase
Panic hits you like a sledgehammer.
The room feels way too small now. It’s suffocating.
Fifth Phase
You let out a shout.
You’re angry now.
This can’t be happening again. Not to me.
Well, it is.
Your mind clears for a second and you figure out you need to leave the room. The apartment.
Final Phase
Breathing heavily, heart pounding, and on the verge of vomiting, you dress up, put your shoes on, and leave the building.
As soon as you’re outside you take a breath.
You feel the freshness of the air.
You feel better.
Suddenly, you are better.
Man, this was harsh, you think.
You survived again.
Yet another anxiety attack. Another day. Another breath.
Now what?
You make sure this never happens to you again.
How?
You take on the ultimate responsibility of carrying your own cross uphill.
It’s your own life, so take care of it.
