What a Collapsed Pumpkin Says About Public Relations

It matters how you treat people.

It was pumpkin carving time at my house. My newly-purchased, over-priced pumpkin had been sitting on the carport wall a few days waiting for me to get my act together.

I sketched a few design ideas on the back of an envelope with a ballpoint pen. I had gone all out his year and bought one of those carving kits with the little knives that make it easy to carve details. This year’s spook-face-on-a-vegetable was going to be the scariest jack-o-lantern in town.

Alas, ‘twas not to be.

Newspapers covered the kitchen island, pumpkin and carving knives were ready to go. Oh, this was going to great. I drew a circle on top of the pumpkin for a guideline to cut a lid in the top with a piece of conte crayon from my art supplies. Expectations ran high. I lightly sketched the sinister face on the smoothest side.

The reckoning came when I pushed the long-bladed knife into the outline of the circle. It went in much easier than I expected. A few sawing motions and the pumpkin collapsed like a frozen soap bubble.

My high hopes collapsed with it.

The inside of the pumpkin was goo held together by a hard outer shell.

Inferior pumpkin, you are going back where you came from.

I was going to get a refund or replacement for this obviously subpar specimen. Did I really want to put this mess in my car and haul it back to the produce stand to make my point?

I might need proof. I gathered the newspaper around the pumpkin mess and put it in the back of my van.

I headed back to the produce stand where I had bought this thing. The stand was less than a mile from my house. I got the pumpkin there, because I like supporting local businesses and I didn’t want to drive all the way into town or to one of the farms that grow and sell pumpkins. I had bought a lot of things from these people in the past.

The conversation went like this.

Me: I bought a pumpkin here. I paid $8 for it. It’s rotten on the inside.

Produce Lady: We don’t guarantee our pumpkins. Did you leave it outside in the sun and rain?

Me: Ma’am, it’s a pumpkin. It grows outside in the sun and rain. I’ll be happy to take a replacement.

PL: None of the other produce people guarantee their pumpkins.

Me: I shop here a lot. I’d like a replacement for this pumpkin. I paid for it and I can’t use it.

PL: I’m sorry. We don’t give replacements. We don’t guarantee the pumpkins.

Me: OK. You have just lost a customer. I will not be back to this business. (I said this extra loud for effect.)

I drove away very unhappy with a collapsed pumpkin still in the van.

I would have been happy with a replacement pumpkin. I could not convince her to make good on this item.

And what did I do but tell everybody within hear shot what had happened. I had a very unsatisfying experience with this business. As I told her, I would never shop there again.

It would have been an easy fix to keep my business. She had plenty of pumpkins displayed on bales of hay in the yard, in the sun and rain, I might add. All it would have taken was a replacement pumpkin.

I got another pumpkin from a different dealer at half the price and went on to carve the scariest-face-on-a vegetable in town.

The collapsed pumpkin pieces were scattered on the hillside behind my house for the birds and animals to enjoy.

I think about this when I’m dealing other people and wonder if this a collapsed pumpkin moment. When I am called upon to be fair with another person, I am reminded that it doesn’t take much effort.