Welcome To The Crazy World Of The Bully Boss — 5 Tips On How To Survive

I was lucky. I never had a bully boss. I had some weirdos in my time but I was never bullied by my line manager.

I guess I was one of the fortunate ones because 60 million Americans are trying to come to terms with bullying in the workplace according to Forbes. Basically, this means that one of five employees are affected and if you are Hispanic, you are more liable to be bullied.

In the UK, one survey found that 81% of employees had suffered from bullying in the workplace at some point in their careers.

Another startling statistic is that almost two-thirds (61%) of the bullies in the workplace are bosses or managers.

Welcome to the crazy world of the bully boss

The bully boss loves to sack people because of their lack of EQ (emotional intelligence). Or to put it more simply “people skills”. Very often, the boss herself has none of these skills!

She has never heard of empathy. What’s that?

He loves to drive his employees into the ground by making impossible demands. Threatening and intimidating behavior are used to get results. Success is only temporary.

The boss even gets a rush of positive energy because he feels that he is in control. This is the recipe for failure because, in the long term, these workers will become less productive and eventually quit.

Talk about an own goal!

Now add in some

· Blaming

· Intimidation and threats

· Verbal abuse

· Shouting

· Manipulating

· Denigrating

And you have the perfect work environment!

This atmosphere leads to workplace emotional abuse, and it’s quite common according to a survey carried out by the Workplace Bullying Institute.

The boss himself may be trying to cover up his own lack of skills and expertise. Just blame the workers and he will be able to save his own miserable skin.

In the forthcoming US Presidential campaign, the Democrats have proposed the Workplace Democracy Plan in which they hope to change the law. At the moment, bosses have too much power and often this is abused when they can fire an employee for no just cause.

Here are five ways to help you get out of the jungle

1. You can quit.

You have no alternative when the situation becomes impossible. Never underestimate the health risks either. Stress, anxiety, and overwork are not part of your dream job.

According to the WebMD site, having a bad boss can increase your risk of having a heart attack by as much as 50%.

2. You decide to stay.

The first thing is to start keeping a record of all the bullying from your boss. This can be anything from emails to telephone calls (obviously keep notes on dates/times/ content). There will be other coworkers in the same boat so the strength of numbers here is a great weapon. When you have enough evidence, you (as a team) can confront your boss.

This is also very important when you have to go to HR because they will find it difficult to ignore or gloss over such details. This is why I would never go to HR on my own.

3. When s/he takes no notice

You will still have to put up with your boss attacking or insulting you. Most experts on body language recommend:-

Do not cower.

You are standing up to him or her by not changing your posture at all.

Answer with an “I” statement and state what you did and why you did it. Avoid starting with “You” (are always on my back!). Mention the fact about how difficult it was for you to put up with his yelling at a staff or team meeting.

Just grin and bear it is not really on, I feel. You have to continue the battle and you should ask if he has any suggestions. Never shout back.

Never mention personal problems such as family, health or overwork! It just makes no difference.

4. Set your boundaries.

Don’t be afraid to say NO. No is a complete sentence. Of course, you will need to dress it up a bit.

This is particularly useful when bosses start imposing impossible deadlines or put other pressure on you.

I always remember a colleague of mine who was being harassed by our boss. She said very firmly, while maintaining eye contact:-

“I am afraid I won’t be able to do that just now because ….. “

The same colleague had been sent on an assertiveness training course by our organization. As we shared an office, I heard the conversation and I thought:

“Wish I could react like that.”

It was obviously a very good course!

5. Keep communication open

There is no point in going into defensive mode and even avoiding your bully boss. When the review comes around, you can mention some things that made you uncomfortable or put undue pressure on you.

Before that though, try communicating by writing an email after a particularly nasty bout of threatening and abusive behavior.

Use neutral language and avoid accusations. It is good to start with:

“I am sure that you did not mean to…… but… “

Be positive and calm as you are hopeful of a solution. Stick to the facts.

The good news is that you should always get help from trade unions or other organizations that can help you to resolve the problem.

In the UK, there is an excellent site called ACAS which has great advice and is very helpful. In the US, Mental Health America is an excellent resource.

“It’s fear that’s the ruin of us. And those who boss us take advantage of our fear and keep bullying us.” ― Maxim Gorky, Mother