Welcome To My Bathroom

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1281

Abstract

operty early to give preference the eager beavers who want to have the advantage on others who will come at the prearranged time. These prospects seemed have a higher rental acceptance rate than those who meerly show up at the arranged meeting.Sure enough, an early bird was waiting in front of the building a full 15 minutes before the rest of the prospects showed up. She was a somewhat disheveled middle aged woman with a big bag. Real Estate Man introduced himself and escorted her into the building to see the apartment. Upon entering the place, this first arrival asked if she could use the bathroom. According to Real Estate Man a BUYING SIGNAL! Real Estate Man accommodated as usual. I politely sat down in the kitchen and waited — and waited. It was 10 minutes before I knocked on the closed bathroom door and realized that I was alone in the apartment. My canadate had left without me realizing. Was she a prospect at all or could the woman just be someone off the street? Someone who took my generous offer, with no intention of seeing an apartment but to simply use a bathroom?I was now was concerned with more pressing issues.The whole apartment smelled like a Porta-Potti at the beach on a Monday after a 3 day weekend. I snuck a quic

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k look out the front window at the crowd of prospects gathering. They seemed more than ready to view the apartment. WHERE’S THE FEBREZE EXTRA STRENGTH WHEN YOU NEED IT? Quickly thinking , I recalled my prior wait in kitchen; a popup toaster, a breadbox…. How long does it take to burn the hell out of a couple of pieces of toast?All in one motion: two pieces of the half loaf of bread from the quaint imitation Amish breadbox; set toaster on dark; push down toast lever; hustle out front and stall the assemblage to give the toast a chance to burn. Hopefully to put a band-aid over the horrible smell. with admittedly — another smell — — less horrible.After introducing himself ,mostly for purposes of giving the toast a chance to get good and charred, I escorted his little gaggle of prospects into the apartment. It DID smell, the homey aroma of burned toast.Quickly, the odoriferously compromised prospects no sooner filed in than they filed out. It appeared no one wanted to spend enough time in the place to get an informed opinion of its potential to be home. As they passed on by me as I was poised at the door ready to answer questions, I thought I heard , “That toast smelled like shit!”</article></body>

#41 Real Estate Man

Photo by joshua bartell on Unsplash

It has been Real Estate Man’s theory developed over 40 year ‘s experience in the business; if a woman who is viewing an apartment, asks to use the bathroom in that apartment, she will usually rent that apartment. This theory doesn’t apply to men however. Throughout the years, Real Estate Man has always accommodated women when they’ve asked to use the facilities when looking at a place. Real Estate Man feels it’s some primal territorial urge in women that’s expressed; possibly marking out territory. Besides, usually it’s just for a quick pee.

Men designate their domain in other ways.

This time something went terribly wrong.

Real Estate Man’s story:

It was during the summer rental rush. Seems like everyone was looking for housing at the same time. It was not unusual to have a group of 20 people seeing a single apartment. Almost always when there’s multiple appointments for the same place, I usually arrive at the property early to give preference the eager beavers who want to have the advantage on others who will come at the prearranged time. These prospects seemed have a higher rental acceptance rate than those who meerly show up at the arranged meeting.

Sure enough, an early bird was waiting in front of the building a full 15 minutes before the rest of the prospects showed up. She was a somewhat disheveled middle aged woman with a big bag. Real Estate Man introduced himself and escorted her into the building to see the apartment. Upon entering the place, this first arrival asked if she could use the bathroom. According to Real Estate Man a BUYING SIGNAL! Real Estate Man accommodated as usual. I politely sat down in the kitchen and waited — and waited. It was 10 minutes before I knocked on the closed bathroom door and realized that I was alone in the apartment. My canadate had left without me realizing. Was she a prospect at all or could the woman just be someone off the street? Someone who took my generous offer, with no intention of seeing an apartment but to simply use a bathroom?

I was now was concerned with more pressing issues.The whole apartment smelled like a Porta-Potti at the beach on a Monday after a 3 day weekend. I snuck a quick look out the front window at the crowd of prospects gathering. They seemed more than ready to view the apartment. WHERE’S THE FEBREZE EXTRA STRENGTH WHEN YOU NEED IT? Quickly thinking , I recalled my prior wait in kitchen; a popup toaster, a breadbox…. How long does it take to burn the hell out of a couple of pieces of toast?

All in one motion: two pieces of the half loaf of bread from the quaint imitation Amish breadbox; set toaster on dark; push down toast lever; hustle out front and stall the assemblage to give the toast a chance to burn. Hopefully to put a band-aid over the horrible smell. with admittedly — another smell — — less horrible.

After introducing himself ,mostly for purposes of giving the toast a chance to get good and charred, I escorted his little gaggle of prospects into the apartment. It DID smell, the homey aroma of burned toast.

Quickly, the odoriferously compromised prospects no sooner filed in than they filed out. It appeared no one wanted to spend enough time in the place to get an informed opinion of its potential to be home. As they passed on by me as I was poised at the door ready to answer questions, I thought I heard , “That toast smelled like shit!”