Welcome To Life Stripped Down.

What I felt for a long time was deprivation, is now a blessing in (dis) a new guise.

The last several years I found myself forced to accept life stripped down, and, frankly, I was secretly angry and a little resentful. You see, I had been shamed into thinking I was a total failure because at my age, Suze Orman, the investment pro, could easily hold me up as the poster child of what not to do planning for the golden years. Instead of listening, I totally winged it.

To add insult to injury, I made the mistake of comparing myself to peers who seemed to have a lot more discretionary income to purchase stuff, expensive vacations, and second homes than I did. I found myself with constant stinking thinking thoughts of I can’t do that, I don’t have any money, I can’t afford that. I saw everything as a lack and a source of anxiety worrying about a future that never materialized.

I can trace this behavior back to when I was younger and plagued with an underlying restlessness, an unease, especially when I found myself with free time on my hands. I looked externally for ways to self soothe that often included driving in my car, keeping ridiculously busy, and shopping. There was always an initial buzz, but there was always a buzz kill thought that quickly intruded, and the high never lasted. The pattern would repeat.

What I came to discover was that those things can become busy distractions that try to stanch the flow of uncomfortable, unresolved feelings. We try to cover up that hole of emptiness when we should be peering into it. Let’s face it. Life is a lot about searching for meaning and trying to make sense of a world that doesn’t always make sense.

My life wasn’t always stripped down … and then it was … as a result of a difficult choice I’d made.

It doesn’t matter how I got there except that I made a decision that I should have put off for a few more years. I was miserable in a career that I had once loved. So after a year wildly walking a tightrope teetering between Should I or Shouldn’t I, the guts said jump, and off I went. Fear teased there was no safety net, but I yelled back, “That’s because there’s no such thing as security!” My close friends and family were shocked. Their reactions gave me pause, yet I somehow intuited I would land safely.

Which isn’t to say I didn’t worry. Money worries are stressful. But at some point I had to say enough. Was I manifesting my thoughts? My relationship with money was skewed. I gave it too much power. I had to change my thinking.

Then a stinging, Arctic deep freeze blasted me to my senses. I had my priorities all wrong. On a weekend in February of 2023, record breaking cold hit the Northeast with temperatures far below zero in Maine, and Mt. Washington in New Hampshire reached the lowest level on record in the U.S. overnight: minus 108 degrees. That Friday, along with two hearty friends and two sisters, the five of us drove to Hudson, NY, where we would be joined by my son, daughter-in-law, her family, my three remaining siblings, and a niece and nephew to celebrate me and a milestone birthday.

The frostbiting cold only enhanced the cartoonish, Frozen fun atmosphere. Adding to the festive excitement, we were later that night regaled with the terrifying tale of one brother’s rocky flight to join us from Raleigh, NC, aboard a small commuter plane that attempted not one, not two, but three landings in White Plains, NY. After the third, the shaken pilot headed to Philadelphia where a more experienced pilot took over. Along with 10 other daring souls, my brother endured one more bronco bumping ride and finally landed safely in NY.

There were lots of frozen pipes all over town in the morning, but I found myself later Saturday night celebrated like a Queen of her Round Table. A visual lap around the table met with 17 animated faces. The only sounds were laughter and merriment. It’s obvious that my family loves each other, but what’s amazing is that we all really like each other and want to spend time together. In a word … priceless.

This revelation, that I actually had the world by the glutes, lead me to flip my thinking and look at the other areas of my life that I saw as lacking when, in fact, they’ve contributed to living a very healthy, robust life.

Take recreation for instance. For ten dollars a month, I keep fit going to the gym because I actually go to the gym- three to four days a week. The current research for living a healthy, longer life advocates strength training in addition to aerobic exercise, and there isn’t a more powerful, natural high than feeling fit and strong … at any age.

Not only is this a positive pastime, it’s also a form of cheap, unlimited entertainment. I feel a real kinship with all these bodies, who like me, are just trying to kick out the jams and make it through another night. I’m also in on all the gym crush memes, as I’ve secretly developed a couple of my own. It’s all very clandestine and innocent fun, and it puts a little oomph in my dead lifts.

I used to feel deprived that I couldn’t dine out any time I wanted. That changed when I realized I eat well because I usually cook my own meals. I know exactly what I’m eating, and I still enjoy cooking. Dining out is a treat on occasion, but have you noticed how expensive it’s gotten? Add in a drink or two — Yikes.

I love beautiful clothes, but, really, how many do you actually need? I’ve bought some classic pieces over the years and have five sets of rotating uniforms. If complimented and I feign, “This old thing?” the fact is it is old. The beauty is these clothes still fit. I haven’t had a scale in my home for years. If something feels a little snug, I know it’s time to get back on track.

Boy, does modern marketing know how to prey on our ever weakening impulsivity to hit the buy now button. As a woman, I feel especially preyed upon to be a sucker of skin care, cosmetics, and now supplement brands that offer amazing results looking and staying younger. It seems the more expensive they are, the better we think they work. I have fallen victim, but they don’t work. You want to look younger be younger? There’s nothing miraculous about it. Diet. Exercise. Period.

Most importantly, surrendering to life stripped down has nourished my creative life. Painting, writing, reading, and gardening are what feed me, not to mention the mental gymnastic benefits my brain gets to keep it limber. Time well spent.

When all is said and done, my decision to take that leap was the right one. Somehow the bills get paid, part time work shows up, money appears for a trip, a car is gifted.

I’ve come to accept my life as it is, and I’ve discovered it’s rather lovely. I see less is more as a form of meditation on the physical plane. As a result, everything vibrates a little higher.

The phrase the golden years has tarnished a bit over the years. But a change in perspective and a strong embrace of life stripped down can buff it up to a high polish again where every so often, on a leisurely twilight walk, the light illuminates that magical sweet spot. Life is good, and I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.