HUMOR
Weirdly True — 11 Things My Body and My Car Have in Common
What A 50-Year-Old Human and A Car with 100,000 Miles Share
My friends and I have turned 50. We’ve actually been over 50 for long enough that we’ve discovered an important scientific fact. 50+ years on the human body is equal to 100K+ miles on a car. Here’s our proof:
1) If you haven’t been doing the maintenance until this point, you’re in trouble.
Not getting exercise, not using sunscreen? Not changing the oil, not replacing filters?
You could have some serious crap go wrong soon.
2) There are a lot of creaking and knocking sounds that you never noticed before.
You wonder where those noises came from and worry about what they mean.
3) You seem to be constantly going in for service of some kind.
You are on a first-name basis with at least one doctor/mechanic.
4) The body’s shine has faded a bit and has a few scratches here or there.
You wonder if you had taken better care — more waxing or moisturizing — if it would look better.
5) There are required procedures you never had to deal with before.
Examples: — colonoscopy, replacing the timing belt, prostrate exams, transmission flush. These procedures are a bit of a nuisance but increase the odds of future health.
6)) It becomes more common to entirely replace a part.
The alternator’s shot? You need a new battery? That’s nothing, Amy’s getting her knee replaced.
7) If you haven’t been doing the maintenance until this point, expect a lot of head-shaking when you take it in for repair.
Not getting exercise, not using sunscreen? Not changing the oil, not replacing filters?
“What were you thinking?” Bob (your mechanic or doctor) will ask.
8) All expectations of care-free maintenance or warranties have expired.
It’s not that the 20-something body or new car never fails, but when they do, everyone is shocked. Not so once you are over-50 years/over 100K miles.
9) You are past the half-way mark of the usual lifespan.
The harsh reality is most cars don’t last to 200K miles, and most people don’t make it to 100 years. You start thinking more seriously about what to do in the second half.
Wait — isn’t this supposed to be a humor article? That’s not funny!
10) Their idiot lights have gone on a few times.
If you aren’t familiar with the term ‘idiot light,’ you probably have a few years before you’ll reach 50. I think today people call it the ‘Service Engine’ light. It’s an indicator that if you continue on the path you are on without pause, catastrophe may ensue. It’s a warning that something is seriously wrong — though a few poorly-designed vehicles have these things coming on all the time.
11) Despite the strange noises and higher maintenance, everything mostly works.
Cars with 100K miles, people with 50 years, are not as shiny or new as they once were. But by and large, everything works. They have a lot of road ahead of them and a lot of road behind them.
Drive safe! Have adventure!
Anne