Weird Space

State of the world

I feel weird. I feel everything. One minute I’m zen floating on a cloud and the next I’m trapped inside the moon struggling to breathe. One day I’m expanding to hug the skies and the next the sky is falling on top of my head. I’m stuck in a weird space, feeling every emotion that knocks on my door. I let them all in to not restrict and because of that; I feel all sorts of ways. I’m happy and excited at the wonders of the universe. I’m thrilled with the heavens and optimistic that the best times of my life lie ahead. But my emotion switches up on me and I feel low in vibration. I feel sad about certain events in my life. I get angry when life doesn’t go as planned and I begin to feel disconnected. I isolate myself to protect myself and my mind space from the dangers that lie outside. The isolation takes a toll, and I feel all alone. My doctor says it’s normal, and it’s just the state of the world. Sigh. It's definitely a strange time in the universe and, as an empath, I'm being hit the hardest. Sometimes I can’t breathe and the pain in my heart? The pain in my heart keeps me awake and all I can do is feel the hurt. I feel hopeless that the pain will leave, so I numb it anyway I can and shut my eyes.

There’s something great with cycles. I always wake up feeling happy. My days pass by as if the sun and the moon are having a race. It goes by faster than I can catch my breath. I race right along with the stars and have lots of good times doing so. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, so I bask in all the glory the heavens bestow upon me. I arise to catch the sun to say good morning. Gratitude is my verse in the universe, no matter what emotion is visiting. Not all emotions feel good, but I'm grateful to be able to feel. Through gratitude, I’m given a vision for a better future and a mission to spread light, and nothing else makes me happier. My heart overflows with joy, my mind is renewed, and I’m ready to conquer the day. I spread my wings and prepares for takeoff.

I fly into sadness and I’m no stranger to sadness. It visits often. How can I suddenly feel so sad after feeling so good? Energy is all over the place. I let my emotions flow just how I flow. I won’t be restricted, so I don’t restrict my emotions. But sadness comes and reminds me of the past. It reminds me of broken relationships and friendships. I know I struggle to let the past go because of the people in it. I know. And holding on hurts, but I struggle to let go. It’s sad when I think of my lost love. He ran. I didn’t chase but I can’t get him out of my head. I love him still, but it's over now. Sadness tells me it's okay to cry, so I do. I scream “why?” I’m taught why, and sadness runs along. Anger hears my screams and comes running to my door. It knocks.

I open the door to my anger, and there are fumes coming out of my ears. Anger reminds me of all my unanswered prayers. It reminds me that the pain in my heart still lives after all this time and prayers. It reminds me that God didn’t take my pain. I have troubles I wish would go away. I get angry at the universe for not answering me. The world falls into chaos all around me and the universe stays quiet, watching us stuck in this weird space. I cry for the soul of my planet. I hate that I must cover my nose to go out into the universe when I’m already suffocating. I’m a free spirit and I can’t move as I once did. I hate it all, but I’m left with no options. I let out a cry that reaches into the heavens. “Can anybody hear me?” but all I hear is silence. The silence is deafening and makes me feel as if I’m disappearing into the ground beneath me. Anger wreaks havoc and gets up to leave as I’m disappearing.

Loneliness kicks in and holds me. It reminds me I’m okay. There’s nothing wrong and emotions run because I’m alive. It’s okay to feel all the feels because it’s part of life and as long as I allow my emotions to flow, I’ll be okay. It reminds me that nothing lasts forever and the excitement will come knocking on the door before I know it. Loneliness says I’m doing good for not brushing my many emotions under the rug. I must look at my emotions so they can flow away. I’m reminded that what I feel is the state of the world and I’m not alone in this weird space. I find comfort in that thought. I guess I appreciate this weird space after all. It reminds me nothing lasts forever. The morning returns and the sun promises me a brand new day. Loneliness was right. Before I know it, the excitement sweeps in again and takes me along for a fun ride. It reminds me that nothing lasts forever, not even despair. I learn that even the darkest of nights don’t last forever and although I’ve felt helpless, I’m hopeful that some best days lie ahead. I believe the planet will survive this, too. The weird space has hidden treasures.