Wedding Day, Regrets, and Other Rewinds and Reviews

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around and settle down already before I created any more messes.

And for 20 years, I was subdued and well-behaved in the best possible way, but often unfulfilled and felt like I was doing without.

But I blamed myself for that and my unrealistic girly emotions and expectations. That I was emo and always displeased within in some way (this is quite possibly still true and a factor). Part of it was definitely the lifestyle — where I was living.

But there was more. I was being held back, holding myself back.

Maybe the lesson was not to accept anything other than total delight. Sometimes I feel the need to be too realistic, too accepting of others’ and life’s imperfections.</blockquote>Due to my previous experience, now I am most selective about what I get myself into.Possibly too much so.It’s so easy to become avoidant in the mission to retain your own individuality and self-image, especially after decades of living according to others’ desires.

Now I struggle to find that middle ground — about how to connect without losing myself. How much to allow another’s influence into my life.When is someone overstepping my bounds and when I am overly sensitive to any potential trespass.

Options

I have no desire to accept less, so sometimes I accept nothing (no one) at all.

I’m definitely different than before. Seeking connection, but leery.

No real answers here. Self-discovery and realization is an ongoing process.But sometimes looking back can help you to figure out where you are now and where to go from here.I’d be open to hear your thoughts on my journey, as well as your own.

Do you take the time to review previous happenings in your life, especially around image and boundaries?Where are you in your own personal journey to find the right balance in boundaries?Do you feel like you have a healthy grasp on the concept of interdependence in contrast to the extremes of independence or enmeshment? Comments are open below for you to sound off around this topic. Shadow work can commence!<figure id="c433"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*vVfp9lCoC9H0XQFcAbYSfA.jpeg"><figcaption>I saw this after writing the post and felt it needed to be included. When we don’t settle for sub-par situations, there’s space for something better to come in. {Graphic courtesy of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/NotOrdinary.Extraordinary/">Soul in Ink</a>}</figcaption></figure></article></body>

My reflections on when a toxic pattern was born…

The past can hold the key to who we are today. {Photo courtesy of FreeP!k}

I wrote this last year at this time and I felt it was worthy of looking over again, especially as we’re in Mercury Retrograde, which is a time where the past comes up again to reviewed. I felt it was still a valid retrospective.

A friend posted something on social media asking what you would change about your wedding day, which leads to a whole train of thought. Maybe that’s when I started accepting situations that I had reservations about. Why? Well, because of time invested. Because I had left previously and tried out another situation only to realize I was unhappy. Because I had felt like I majorly screwed up by making that change, felt guilty, and almost felt like I had to do my penance and deal with whatever punishment was coming to me for my misdeeds. And, of course, I was also pregnant. I felt like I should just stop messing around and settle down already before I created any more messes. And for 20 years, I was subdued and well-behaved in the best possible way, but often unfulfilled and felt like I was doing without. But I blamed myself for that and my unrealistic girly emotions and expectations. That I was emo and always displeased within in some way (this is quite possibly still true and a factor). Part of it was definitely the lifestyle — where I was living. But there was more. I was being held back, holding myself back. Maybe the lesson was not to accept anything other than total delight. Sometimes I feel the need to be too realistic, too accepting of others’ and life’s imperfections.

Due to my previous experience, now I am most selective about what I get myself into.

Possibly too much so.

It’s so easy to become avoidant in the mission to retain your own individuality and self-image, especially after decades of living according to others’ desires. Now I struggle to find that middle ground — about how to connect without losing myself. How much to allow another’s influence into my life.

When is someone overstepping my bounds and when I am overly sensitive to any potential trespass. I have no desire to accept less, so sometimes I accept nothing (no one) at all. I’m definitely different than before. Seeking connection, but leery. No real answers here. Self-discovery and realization is an ongoing process.

But sometimes looking back can help you to figure out where you are now and where to go from here.

I’d be open to hear your thoughts on my journey, as well as your own. Do you take the time to review previous happenings in your life, especially around image and boundaries?

Where are you in your own personal journey to find the right balance in boundaries?

Do you feel like you have a healthy grasp on the concept of interdependence in contrast to the extremes of independence or enmeshment? Comments are open below for you to sound off around this topic. Shadow work can commence!

I saw this after writing the post and felt it needed to be included. When we don’t settle for sub-par situations, there’s space for something better to come in. {Graphic courtesy of Soul in Ink}